Threeandme
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 13
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I really appreciate all your input. I will continue to monitor the situation. Regarding the log book, it has been an ongoing issue. A few items of interest in the book include my youngest being locked in the dryer, her hair shaved off my the boys, disciplining my son for wetting the bed, etc. More interesting than that is what my daughter told CPS when they made an unannounced visit to my house. I am thinking dad may have done it out of spite, who knows. I also have a crazy neighbor so it could have been her. Anyways, the allegations were pretty crazy, including starving my children, beating them, and marks on their bodies. Ha, it still makes me chuckle, but obviously not at the time. So anyways, CPS shows up, I am at work, and the babysitter is there and she calls me. I tell her to let her in and answer all of her questions honestly and to let her do what she has to do to conclude her visit. She appharantly looked at the kids bodies, lifted their shirts, things like that, asked them if I hit them, looked in the fridge and cabinets, you know, typical of what I think CPS would do. So the woman calls me and tells me that she is sorry this had to happen and that she has to follow a certain protocol. She says she is completely convinced that my children are in a good home and are not being beaten or starved or any other thing. She asks if I have any questions for her and I asked her how my oldest daughter was doing because she had a pretty rough transition from dad's to mom's the past few times. Hitting, screaming, acting out and being very defiant. The worker said she appeared fine but that she could talk to her privately to see if everything is ok and I just needed to give my permission, which I did. So she spends about an hour with my daughter and then calls me back. She told me that my daughter was a very bright, smart and sweet girl and that the things she shared with the worker were very disturbing, those were her words exactly. The worker said my daughter told her things about dad's house that required a visit be made there. Some of the things mentioned were drinking and driving with the kids in the car (he is not permitted to drink alcohol period when the kids are there), screaming at the children and calling them bad names, using really bad words when he and his girlfriend are fighting. I had no clue about any of this because I think my daughter didn't want to feel like she was telling on her dad, but with a stranger it was different. And the other reason the worker took it so seriously was because #1 I was not there in the home at the time of the interview, #2 I had no clue I was going to be visited by CPS, and #3 the way she described things to the worker were appropriate for a 5 year old's understanding. Now, I know some of you may continue to say it is all up to interpretation, but this was an outside interpretation and not my own. I guess the visit was made and I have no idea what the outcome was because it is confidential. I did not want to jump to conclusions and run down to the court house and file for emergency sole custody, so I let it play out. I told myself if the CPS folks found something they would not have allowed the kids to go back.
So you see, I am not assuming anything, I am simply adding up all the different instances and trying to make a reasonable conclusion. I do not EVER want to have the kids removed from the dad's life. He is just as important as I am to them. Yes, we may have totally different styles of parenting, but I just wish I knew a little of what his style was so maybe on my end I could give the kids some consistency from both homes. So for now, I will continue as I have and hope with all my heart it one day gets better.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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A CPS worker told you the stories she heard were disturbing and you ask if it's real problems or just you. I'd say that's a real problem.
Never desire a parent behave more like you, you will always be disappointed. Accept they don't work the same and learn to work around it. Also, help your kids learn to work around it. It's a part of life, learning to deal with difficult people. It sucks when you're related to a difficult person, but make the best of the situation.
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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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Okay, didn't you say that the tooth was hanging by a little bit of flesh when she got home? Is it POSSIBLE that she was playing, took a shot to the mouth, as all kids do occasionally, and it LOOSENED the tooth,
Entirely possible because things happen often when kids play, I think the bigger issue is dad or gf not addressing it with mom. If something like that happened in my home i would tell the other parent what happened rather than just let the kid do and and then lie about what happened. It's just stupid.
As for the child being overly dramatic....also possible. It sounds like my 4yo. She has a huge sense of what's right and wrong. My daughter was scratched by a friend at daycare. They did not speak for a week because the other girl would not say she was sorry. The other girl did not think she had done it. My daughter continued to show her the scratch but not realizing she had done it the other girl still wouldn't acknowledge it. My daughter knew it was an accident. Her being so upset had nothing to do with what happened. It was because when you hurt someone it's right to say you're sorry and she was not getting what she knew to be right. It was totaly black and white to her and she could not understand that her friend really didn't think she had done it when she was being shown the evidence.
It sounds to me like the child is more upset about being told the version of the story that she KNOWS to be true is not, rather than the fact that it happened. That is very upsetting to a child who has been taught right from wrong. I guess that can look like dramatization to some, but to a child it can be very devestating.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Threeandme
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 13
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OMG! You are the only one who got it! Yes, my daughter was more upset about them not believing her than the act itself. And this week she came home and tells me that she was told to never tell mommy the bad things that happen to her at daddy's, per daddy's girlfriend! Ugh, what f'd up people! I took my daughter straight to our therapist to work in the sand and hopefully set the record straight that regardless of where she is at, if something bad happens she always needs to tell someone, mommy, teacher, police, someone! I think she has it, I hope she does.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Honestly, you are choosing to believe the 5 year old and running to the doctor before you have independent verification. You are creating a LOOOONG road in front of you, good luck with that.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Threeandme
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 13
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Well, if my ex wouldnt act like a 5 year old himself and get over whatever it is that is up his butt, then I wouldn't have to. Unfortunately, he chose this path for both of us! I have tried countless times to have a professional relationship with the man, but he decided when he walked out that we were no longer going to speak to each other, period, the end. How mature is that? We were ordered to the mandatory parenting classes and do you know what he said? "No one can make me speak to her." And do you know what the courts did...nothing. So, sir, I have no option here. My daughter is besides herself and came back this last weekend telling me she is not allowed to tell me the bad stuff that happens at daddy's anymore. That, to me, is ridiculous! But, according to you, why should I believe my daughter! You are so right!! My 5 year old is the master mind of this ellaborate plot to create this appearance of being traumatized and it is all to manipulate the situation. You are crazy. Sometimes it is what it is. I have no options other than to wait for something really awful to happen to my children while they are in his care so I can hope to get full custody. Now, I know you are just going to twist that one around too. I want my children to have fun and enjoy going to their dads. It gives me a break too and I deserve it. But how nice do you think it is when my children come home and are out of control, have nightmares, scream at the top of their lungs, and a wide array of other things for the first couple of days? Totally normal, right? And I hate to burst your bubble, but my long road started the day my husband woke up, went to work (it was a secret day off) and never came home. Unless you have some advice you can offer, keep your comments to yourself. I have enough people like that around me that I really don't need anymore thank you.
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Threeandme
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 13
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And where exactly do you suggest I obtain this independent verification? My honest, totally communicative, wants to co-parent ex? Please, try again. I think you need to re-read my entire post from start to finish and come back.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Got it, your ex is evil, 5 year old is infallible...good luck with that.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Threeandme
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/12
Posts: 13
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That was extremely helpful. Please share when you have more words of wisdom.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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[quote]Well, if my ex wouldnt act like a 5 year old himself and get over whatever it is that is up his butt, then I wouldn't have to. Unfortunately, he chose this path for both of us! [/quote]
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Really ?
He made you marry him at gunpoint ?
He impregnated you against your will (repeatedly), then locked you up so that you couldn't escape ?
You poor thing.....you should have mentioned that from the start !
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