faeries7
recently joined
Reged: 04/02/13
Posts: 1
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I currently live in California, but the summer of 2014 I'd like to move to Montana. I'll be moving to be near family and a better (more affordable) living situation. I currently have joint custody of my 10 year old son. His father sees him maybe once a month and has no contact with him other than that one weekend a month. He has our phone number but won't call my son. The only way I know if he plans on seeing my son at all is if he emails me and asks to take my son for a weekend. In fact, there've been times when he's gone 2 months or more without any contact at all. I've saved every email my ex has sent me in case I have need of them. My question is, what are the chances of a judge not allowing the move if my ex decides to fight me? And 2, what steps do I take next (How soon do I notify him? Do I have to send something to the court also? Etc.)? I can't seem to find anything online. Thank you for any help.
Edited by faeries7 (04/02/13 11:31 AM)
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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You should have a clause in your original divorce decree/custody order that addresses moving. It will usually be a 30-60 day notification period to the other party OR as soon as you know you will be moving. This is to give the other party time to respond/object. Check your paperwork.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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Talk to your ex and find out his thoughts on your potential move.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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Board advice is that moving away is ALWAYS a bad idea and you shouldn't do it. Oh, wait, your a FEMALE, so moving away is fine.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
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[quote]Board advice is that moving away is ALWAYS a bad idea and you shouldn't do it. Oh, wait, your a FEMALE, so moving away is fine. [/quote]
BAER.
She would have gotten different advice if the father was more involved. But he's not. By his choice.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
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Given that your ex really isn't that involved, you may get a judge to agree with your move. You may even be able to get your ex to agree to the move. I would have a parenting plan in place first that is signed off by a judge.
Oh, and since you are the one moving away, you should be the one paying the travel costs. You may want to consult with an attorney in your area, s/he would be able to give you more specific advice.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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Bullsh!t, MEN are told to NEVER move away, and women are told they can do it, cut the SH!T and at least have the corage of conviction to back up your position.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
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BULLSH@T right back at you.
I HAVE told mothers not to move. I do NOT support moving kids away from an ACTIVE and INVOLVED parent . In the OP's case the other parent is NOT either one.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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Why? Because the person who is trying to convince you what a POS her ex is TOLD you?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
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[quote]Why? Because the person who is trying to convince you what a POS her ex is TOLD you? [/quote]
Because, unlike you, I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.
And tend to ignore people who have a huge chip on their shoulder. Like you do.
Besides, of all of us on this board, the OP is the only one who knows what her ex is like and how often he sees the kid.
Now, if she isn't telling the truth, well, that will come out in court. Where it matters. Because it really doesn't matter here. We can only go by information given.
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elliesmom
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Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I am pretty sure if you scroll down a couple of posts you will see a woman whose spouse MUST move being told that she can't take her kid away from his very involved father by everyone here. Two whole pages of it.
I don't know if the way she has portrayed her ex is true, but really you would be very foolish to seek advice on your situation and not provide true information. Its not like she is a long time poster who wants to save face. She doesn't know anyone from Adam here and wants to know what her situation will be.
For the original poster - IF we were dealing with an active involved parent who attended school functions and saw his child as much as possible, that would be a different story. But - I will say that by moving away you pretty much guarantee he will never become the father your child will always want. I would weigh that with the other pros/cons of this move.
You will likely be required to pay for airfare to maintain the current level of visits. Can you afford roundtrip airfare 10 times a year plus unaccompanied minor fees each way? UA minor fees add about $100 each way, plus minors are only allowed on certain flights (not the cheap ones FYI). You might be able to negotiate for fewer, but longer visits but you might not.
Your child will likely be spending a large portion of the summer with his father. His ability to participate in any activity will be limited because he has to travel to visit his other parent. That is another con you will have to deal with and own up to when your 14 yo wants to know why he can't be on the football team, because he can't be there for summer conditioning. Because you decided to live a plane ride away from his dad.
In the end if you decide it is worth the cost, it is unlikely that a court would keep you from moving (assuming you have portrayed your ex's involvement truthfully). He can continue to see his child as often as before if you move at your expense, so he really has little room to object to the move.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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I reread the OP, and I was mistaken, and for that, I am extremely sorry. I was confusing her with the OTHER poster who said something akin to, "Hes a GREAT parent, he just doesn't do anything right, etc" which is where I thought the OP was talking out of both sides.
Again, to the OP< I am sorry for my course advice. But everything elliesmom said is right on the money.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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SockPuppet1
journeyman
Reged: 12/30/11
Posts: 83
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PreemieMom and SRS both relocated to other states successfully. Wonder if they still read here? They could provide BTDT advice.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Find a post in which I have ever said moving away from an involved parent was a good idea? I've always said that best case scenario is that the kids have equal access to both parents as long as they are both fit. I don't think it's right to take away time from one parent for the selfish wishes of the other, but if the parenting time isn't likely to be reduced there isn't much point in the CP staying put just in case the NCP wants more parenting time at some unknown point in the future.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Sounds similar to my situation. The kids' Dad wasn't involved unless he had a new gf. He ended up only taking the kids on holidays, then finally he moved 30 miles out of town without properly notifying me or the court.
About 3 months later, I sent a certified letter to him and the court stating my intention to move 5 hours away - in 30 days. I documented his lack of involvement and the fact that he moved without notifying me. I also documented that we were moving to an area where we had tons and tons of family.
We moved 31 days later. He has traveled to our town 2 times which was exciting, but he hasn't taken any of his other visitation.
Oh yeah - for visitation we switch holidays. Each of us gets every other holiday. He also gets 2 weeks in the summer. I am supposed to drive them and if he no shows them, I get $500.
Now, all of that said, he wanted the child support lowered by 60% in order to agree to the move. I agreed to that.
He does call them a lot more over here which is great. But, he wasn't available to take his Easter visitation...didn't let me know until THursday before Easter.
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