twoboysdad
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Reged: 05/15/13
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This is what our court order says regarding transportation:
"FATHER shall have the burden and bear the cost of providing all transportation to and from MOTHER'S residence for his weekly and holiday parenting time. MOTHER shall have the burden and bear the cost of providing all transportation to and from FATHER'S residence for her summer parenting time."
Here is the situation: Kids summer starts on May 22nd which in when I pick them up for my summer parenting time. Memorial Weekend per our CO is from 6pm May 24th until 9pm May 27th. This year is BM's year for Memorial Weekend.
Question: Who is responsible for getting children to BM for Memorial Weekend? Distance is almost 400 miles apart.
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Debi
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If the court order reads as stated above then BM I responsible for it.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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twoboysdad
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That is what I thought. BM is stating that holidays do not count as her summer parenting time. And the part about my respnsibility for driving on my holidays she is interpreting as her holidays as well.
ETA: What I typed in my first post was exactly from the court order
Edited by twoboysdad (05/16/13 09:23 AM)
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c_jane
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Kids are going to be travelling 800 MILES for a 3-day weekend???!!!!! That's 16 HOURS. Poor kids.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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BeachBabeRN
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Where did it say anything about how far apart they are?
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Sherron
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"Where did it say anything about how far apart they are? "
In the OP...
"Question: Who is responsible for getting children to BM for Memorial Weekend? Distance is almost 400 miles apart."
Are the kids going there for the summer or the holiday? If they're going there for the summer, mom pays, if they're going only for the holiday, dad pays.
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ssmom79
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Why would you not just let the children stay with their mother from May 22 to May 24 to avoid an 800 mile trip? I mean they get to you on May 22 and on May 24 they're to turn around and head right back to mom's? Seems a little unfair on the children.
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c_jane
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OP may be CP and already have the kids. In which case Mom is just getting them for the holiday.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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elliesmom
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If I were you I would propose that you will meet her halfway after memorial day weekend. Save yourself (and most importantly your kids) some travel. Everybody wins.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Goodmom
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To be honest, it could go either way. Per what you wrote, the only holiday traveling was to be done by you. Either way, if I were in your shoes, I would not subject my kids to a1,200 trip a week after being subjected to an 400 mile trip. Do your kids a favor and have them come after the holiday.
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Sherron
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"If I were you I would propose that you will meet her halfway after memorial day weekend. Save yourself (and most importantly your kids) some travel. Everybody wins. "
Not sure what I'm not getting here, but how does that save the kids any travel? They're still going the entire distance, even if the parents meet halfway.
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Goodmom
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[quote]"If I were you I would propose that you will meet her halfway after memorial day weekend. Save yourself (and most importantly your kids) some travel. Everybody wins. "
Not sure what I'm not getting here, but how does that save the kids any travel? They're still going the entire distance, even if the parents meet halfway. [/quote]
He's picking them up a week before only to have them go back for three days. I made the mistake of including his initial trip there, it's an extra 800 miles (400 to the Dad's then the round trip the next week-end). Personally, I would never subject my kids to that type of travel so close together. I would wait a week and then pick them up.
I also think that he's misinterpreting the holiday transportation in his court order. Holiday time does not equal summer parenting time.
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Sherron
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Sorry, goodmom... quick reply. Elliesmom had suggested the parents meet have way, that it would save the poster and the kids some travel. I don't get how it saves the kids any travel when the parents meet half way... half way with dad and half way with mom is still the same trip for them as if one parent drove all the way... no?
"I also think that he's misinterpreting the holiday transportation in his court order. Holiday time does not equal summer parenting time. "
That's what I'm thinking... a holiday in the summer does not make it summer parenting time.
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dadinva
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It says father provides transportation for "his weekly and holiday parenting time." It seems reasonable to interpret that he is providing transportation during HIS time, when mom has kiddos during the school year, and mom for her time, when dad has kiddos during the summer.
It is a bit ambiguous, but this is the way that makes sense to me.
If dad has such a limited time with the children (and the children with him), I can understand why he wouldn't want to give up a whole week over a bit of travel time. Perhaps whoever transports the children can find something of value to see/do along the way so that the trip is enjoyable.
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dadinva
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[quote]Why would you not just let the children stay with their mother from May 22 to May 24 to avoid an 800 mile trip? I mean they get to you on May 22 and on May 24 they're to turn around and head right back to mom's? Seems a little unfair on the children. [/quote]
It would be just as altruistic for mom to forgo her couple of days as it would for dad to forgo his. Except that dad not taking some amount of his time could be used against him in court, whereas mom letting go of a few days could make her look good.
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Goodmom
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According to his court order, he is to provide transportation for his parenting time AND holiday parenting time. It doesn't state and his holiday parenting time. And when transportation is addressed for the mom, it only states summer. Which means he's the one who has to do the transportation next week end.
BTW, both parents are being selfish here. The father for insisting getting the kids this week knowing full well that they are going to be subjected to an 800 mile trip in less than a week and the mother for insisting on her holiday for the same reason.
As for being able to make it interesting, 1,200 miles in less than two weeks, well, there really isn't much one can do to make the hours of driving interesting.
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ssmom79
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Sure it would. I answered under the assumption she was unwilling to give up her time and someone has to give or the kids suffer. For me, the risk of looking bad in court for saving my kids 800 miles within two days is one worth taking.
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elliesmom
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I don't see any reason he has to "give up days" unless his summer parenting is 100% of the summer. I would certainly tack those days onto the summer visit. The main difference being that since memorial day weekend was written in as a holiday - I will assume that it has some significance beyond merely time with the child. Some people's families make a big deal out of it having reunions etc.
As why it saves the kids travel - allow me to illustrate.
Dad drives a gazillion miles to get the kids and the drives them a gazillion miles to his house, mom drives a gazillion miles to get them then a gazillion miles back to hers for memorial day weekend, then mom drives them a gazillion miles back to dads for the rest of his summer visit and back home again, and then dad drives them a gazillion miles at the conclusion of the visit then back home again.
Dad drives 4 gazillion miles
Mom drives 4 gazillion miles
Kids ride 4 gazillion miles
Or dad postpones the start of his summer visit adding the days onto the end and they meet halfway after memorial day and dad returns them as usual at the conclusion.
Dad drives 3 gazillion miles
Mom drives 2 gazillion miles
Kids ride 2 gazillion miles
Everybody wins.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Goodmom
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First, Dad and Mom's travel time is double that (actually, the dad's travel time is more as, per the court order, he is to do the holiday transportation) of the kids as they have the return trip home by themselves.
Second, who says the court order will allow the Dad to tack on time at the end? The mom could always give up the 3 day week-end and pick the kids up 3 days early or 3 days late. But I don't see the Dad or mom agreeing to either scenario. They are too wrapped up in "their rights" to do what is best for the kids.
Third, there are no winners when the parents live around 400 miles apart. This is especially true for the kids who have to deal with the crazy long-distance parenting.
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finz
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[quote]According to his court order, he is to provide transportation for his parenting time AND holiday parenting time. It doesn't state and his holiday parenting time. And when transportation is addressed for the mom, it only states summer. Which means he's the one who has to do the transportation next week end.
[/quote]
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Not quite.
The CO says, "FATHER shall have the burden and bear the cost of providing all transportation to and from MOTHER'S residence for his weekly and holiday parenting time. MOTHER shall have the burden and bear the cost of providing all transportation to and from FATHER'S residence for her summer parenting time."
It doesn't say for his PARENTING time and holiday parenting time.......it says for HIS WEEKLY and holiday parenting time.
It is poorly worded. If you want to take that literally, then the kids just magically arrived at HIS house for his summer parenting time, because no one HAD to transport them because HIS SUMMER parenting time wasn't addressed. If we can agree to not take the CO literally (we've just seen that the CO doesn't make sense or doesn't include every situation), then it seems the objective was that the parent using/taking their parenting time is supposed to go fetch the kids and return them to the other parent. That would mean if the kids are with him for his summer parenting time, if mom wants them for her Memorial Day weekend, she needs to go gt them and return them to him.
If you want to insist on taking it literally and are ignoring the magical transportation factor for HIS summer parenting time, then you really have to examine the ststement, "his weekly and holiday parenting time."
I think the "his" goes with weekly and holiday, just like "parenting time" applies to both his weekly and holiday time. It might have been more clear if that said, "his weekly parenting time and his holiday parenting time" or.....to include ALL situations, "his weekly parenting time, his holiday parenting time, and his summer parenting time"
It seems clear that as the judge also didn't specify mom's holiday parenting time, that he was considering the mom as the "residentia"l parent during the school year and the dad the "residential" parentduring the summer. If you look at the CO with that background/understanding, it makes more sense.
After all that.......I agree with the majority here.....Mom and Dad should be able to figure out a compromise here, like spliting the time and having mom keep the kids through dad's first few days of summer vacation and the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, travel on the Sunday (meet at halfway point), dad gets the kids on the Monday holiday and starts the summer parenting time.
Are the kids too young for school or is their school finished by then ? We don't get out until the end of June.
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Goodmom
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The only time holiday transportation is addressed is with the father doing the driving.
You said:
Mom and Dad should be able to figure out a compromise here, like spliting the time and having mom keep the kids through dad's first few days of summer vacation and the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, travel on the Sunday (meet at halfway point), dad gets the kids on the Monday holiday and starts the summer parenting time.
My response:
To be blunt, he also posted this same question on another forum. He has no interest in working this out with his stbx. To him, it's all about making a statement about his rights. It's all about doing it his way and his interpretation of a vague court order (same applies to the mother).
Neither one of them are putting the kids first. I feel sorry of the kids.
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gr8Dad
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Of COURSE you side with her, he doesn't have TITS. You and your BIASED postings are REALLY getting old.
"He has no interest in working this out with his stbx."
So he ASKED a question, is LOOKING for options...and to YOU, that indicates he has no interest in working it out with his ex? I guess the ONLY way you would admit a GUY was willing to work it out is if he simply GAVE IN to Mom's demands, huh?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
Edited by gr8Dad (05/21/13 09:19 AM)
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Avaya
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"Personally" since mom has them all of the school year, if I was mom, I'd forgo the 3 day weekend and let them stay with dad.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Goodmom
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Hey, notsogr8, your bias and lack of reading comprehension is showing. Again.
It's the OP who is here, not the mother. My responses are going to be geared to what he can do as he can't force his ex to do anything.
BTW, I clearly stated that BOTH parents aren't putting the kids first. Which is CORRECT.
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gr8Dad
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"Hey, notsogr8, your bias and lack of reading comprehension is showing. Again."
So, please explain how NOT wanting the replies to be biased is BIASED?
"My responses are going to be geared to what he can do as he can't force his ex to do anything."
Great, I agree. However that is NOT what you did. What you DID was to tell the OP that HE was wrong for not WORKING with his ex. Well, he listed a PROBLEM, and asked for clarification on the order and asked what he should do. Apparently, if a person ASKS for help (oh yeah, and has TESTICLES), in YOUR book they are not WORKING with their ex.
"BTW, I clearly stated that BOTH parents aren't putting the kids first. Which is CORRECT."
See, THAT is where the bias comes in. He ASKED what he should do. He ASKED. That was it. Yet you have apparently decided, without know WTF he was planning on actually DOING, that he is not putting the kids first.
But I will give you a chance to redeem yourself. What is he ACTUALLY DOING to NOT put the kids first? Should be an EASY answer, right? I mean you KNOW what he is going to do, because you already JUDGED him for it, right? So how about you explain WHAT you judged him for?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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gr8Dad
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Oh, and by the way, YOUR claim that he posted this in another forum is a LIE, as the guy has TWO TOTAL POSTS, both in THIS forum.
But, I guess us guys all look the same to YOU, right?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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finz
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[quote]The only time holiday transportation is addressed is with the father doing the driving.
[/quote]
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So ? That's for HIS holiday time because the possessive covers both parts of the statement.
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finz
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[quote]Hey, notsogr8, your bias and lack of reading comprehension is showing. Again.
[/quote]
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I wouldn't be so quick to insult someone else's reading comprehension if I had failed to correctly comprehend the OP's quote from his CO.
Doh !
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Goodmom
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[quote][quote]Hey, notsogr8, your bias and lack of reading comprehension is showing. Again.
[/quote]
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I wouldn't be so quick to insult someone else's reading comprehension if I had failed to correctly comprehend the OP's quote from his CO.
Doh ! [/quote]
I correctly comprehended the OP's quote from his CO. The OP is to do the transportation for holiday parenting time.
And as I stated, having read his posts on another forum, neither party is interested in putting the kids first and are basically going to force the poor kids to travel over a thousand miles in less than a week.
I feel sorry for the kids as their parents simply aren't willing to love them more than they
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Goodmom
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[quote]Oh, and by the way, YOUR claim that he posted this in another forum is a LIE, as the guy has TWO TOTAL POSTS, both in THIS forum.
But, I guess us guys all look the same to YOU, right? [/quote]
Divorcesource.com is not the only forum on the web.
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Debi
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"Personally" since mom has them all of the school year, if I was mom, I'd forgo the 3 day weekend and let them stay with dad.
Agreed. It's ridiculous to me how much time a CP will put into "your time/my time" when they have the kids the majority of the time. I'm really glad x and I have never had this issue. He wants the kids for something special when they are with me, sure he can have them if I don't have plans and vice versa. I'd rather have the kids do something fun with their dad than sit at home just because it's "my time"!
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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