intergrity_grace
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/13
Posts: 8
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Hi...This is my second post here. Here's my first [censored]://[censored].divorcesource.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=801037&an=0&page=0#801037.
I have my pretial hearing coming up for a custody modification and contempt. I'm mostly prepared. Most of my case is poven. Many of the things my ex denied in my petition, he admitted in my request for admission.
The thing that is very important though, is drug and alcohol use. I have probably 100 snipits from twitter and facebook from my exes girlfriends daughter, who is the same age as my 16 year old son, talking about getting drunk, getting high, and making reference to her mom and stepdad doing it with her or providing it. I have read and saved things in both of sons private messages on facebook that are very concerning and damning to my ex.
I know my ex would pass a drug test because he is on felony probation. (He did violate for drinking) So going the route of having him tested is probably fruitless. Not to mention it's been 4 months since I filed. Plenty of time to clean up.
I've researched and asked my lawyer and it all boils down to it's really hard to get social media admissable.
It sucks, because I know that they are authentic. I know that my sons dad and his girlfriend allow this stuff or just don't have any control of it. My kids have admitted it. But they are very well trained to keep their mouth shut.
I'm hoping someone can give me some advice in my last ditch effort to figure out a way to get in end. I mean can I just testify that it concerns for me that these kids post this stuff in what is basically a virtual diary? It is documented that my son has abused drugs. I have a feeling ex attorney will make light of it becaue he's a teen.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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Okay, let me see if I understand this, you have messages from ONE 16 year old to another, claiming Mom and stepdad (your ex) are using drugs. But you KNOW that he will pass a drug test, because he is on probation. So you KNOW, for a FACT, that the drug portion of the Email/text is false, at least on Dad's part. Under a court of law, that makes the WHOLE message questionable.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Avaya
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Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9823
Loc: Arkansas
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Teenagers often brag about things that simply aren't true if they think their audience will be impressed. I wouldn't take the word of a 16 year old and I don't imagine a judge would either.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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intergrity_grace
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/13
Posts: 8
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The people in question are my ex, is girlfriend and his girlfriends daughter. The girlfriends daughter refers to my ex as stepdad. The messages don't say my ex is doing drugs. She has said "omg, my stepdad is so drunk of his ass, lol", with later messages, "oh, my head hurts, too much Vodka"...other's include, "getting drunk with my mom", my stepdad just gave me rolling papers, lol and he can't even smoke".
These are just a few examples. I would think too, that this is just a teenager bragging, but because there are so many, it seems like an absolute preoccupation with drugs and alcohol on the part of the step daughter that lives with my son every other week, who now has documented issues.
My youngest son, who just turned 12 had private messages to a 16 year old kid that lives 2 houses down from dad, talking about LSD (not doing it, just telling him what it was), 16 year old kids asking him if he got drunk..
I know, that it doesn't prove anything, kids brag etc. But seriously, if I am telling you I read these things from what I know to be these kids accounts, you can see why I'm concerned.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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If you think it's important, take it with you. Let a judge decide if it's worthy to be included.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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So, essentially, you have proof that Dad was drinking (and MAYBE drunk). Stepdad MIGHT have given his girlfriends daughter rolling papers (which is PEFECTLY legal). Your ex's girlfriends daughter is preoccupied with alcohol and drugs, and your 12 year old is conversing with a 16 year old, asking what certain drugs are.
You have NOTHING that means ANYTHING to your ex, or to the court ABOUT your ex.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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[quote]So, essentially, you have proof that Dad was drinking (and MAYBE drunk). Stepdad MIGHT have given his girlfriends daughter rolling papers (which is PEFECTLY legal). Your ex's girlfriends daughter is preoccupied with alcohol and drugs, and your 12 year old is conversing with a 16 year old, asking what certain drugs are.
You have NOTHING that means ANYTHING to your ex, or to the court ABOUT your ex. [/quote]
Regardless, wouldn't YOU as a parent be concerned about this preoccupation with drugs/drinking?? I know *I* would -- to the extent I would call my kid(s) on the carpet and DEMAND explanations. I would be HORRIFIED if I read texts/emails from DS of this genre.
I don't blame her for trying to get to the bottom of it. OP, what about a hair drug test? You will have to submit to one also, but if you order a groin/armpit hair test, most MEN won't shave there and the hair will be longer. (Usually men will shave their heads bald if they know they're going in for a hair test).
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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finz
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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You might want to focus on trying to coparent with this guy to limit the internet access of your 12 yo. Focus on the fact that you have a 12 yo asking what LSD is, not that the kid is asking the question of a neighbor of your ex.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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You are completely FOS.
"Regardless, wouldn't YOU as a parent be concerned about this preoccupation with drugs/drinking??"
Would I be concerned about my EX wife's BOYFRIENDS DAUGHTERS preoccupation with drugs? No.
" I know *I* would -- to the extent I would call my kid(s) on the carpet and DEMAND explanations. I would be HORRIFIED if I read texts/emails from DS of this genre."
Who do you think you are kidding, you would do EXACTLY what the OP is trying todo, BLAME DAD.
"I don't blame her for trying to get to the bottom of it. OP, what about a hair drug test? You will have to submit to one also, but if you order a groin/armpit hair test, most MEN won't shave there and the hair will be longer. (Usually men will shave their heads bald if they know they're going in for a hair test)."
And after saying you would be HORRIFIED by what the kid did, and that you would BLAME the kid, you CONTINUE with the crap about testing DAD. What part of DAD HAS PASSED NUMEROUS TESTS BECAUSE OF HIS PROBABTION, do you have trouble wrapping your PIN head around?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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I was referring to HER 12-YO son, whom in private texts is asking about LSD. I do NOT read texts from DS but if I EVER had an inkling that he was doing drugs/talking about drugs/drinking/involved with other people doing drugs, etc. you better BET I'd be getting to the bottom of what was going on.
ANd IF I KNEW my HOUSE was 'clean' and Ex had had a PREVIOUS problem with drugs/alcohol -- well don't lay with pigs if you don't want to be called a pig yourself. So yes, EX PROBABLY is where the blame will fall (whether it's actually true or not).
And drug tests CAN be fooled -- believe what you want -- but HAIR tests are MORE reliable (also not FOOLPROOF but harder to fake).
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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intergrity_grace
recently joined
Reged: 03/19/13
Posts: 8
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The problem is there is not one, but two teenagers living together in the same house doing drugs. Gr8dad, this is only one element of the situation.
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finz
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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But one of them is your 16 yo, right ?
Won't your 12 yo be exposed to his 16 yo sibling (with a hx of drug abuse) in your house too ?
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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Thank you, I was thinking that no one else was seeing that. I know I tend to come off as biased in favor of fathers, but I really hate to see a parent, of either gender, blame the other parent, when it is a KID issue.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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