v8crazy
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/13
Posts: 6
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Hi I am inAlabama We have been married almost 25 years. I just found out she has been having an affair. I still love her more than anything and am in a bad place in my heartand can't get over it. She has turned fron the sweetest person you can ever meet to a viper. She told me she doesn't love me anymore and hasnt for several years. We have 2 kids around 10 and 13. we still live in the same house and some days she acts like things are normal except I can't touch her. We recently did about 40,000 dollers worth of remodeling to the house. I have a small ira that I pulled the money from for house. I should be disabled from a major injury but i still work 32 hours a week. She has a good government job and supplies health insurance. She also has a pension. She wants me to just disappear.Somehow she thinks a divorce would be to just me to move out. That is not financially possible right now. I have nowhere to go.WE have some equity in the house just enough to pay everything off. She started her Gov job at a young age and she started the pension right after we were married. so she has about 23 years worth built up now. Am i intitled to half of pension earned while married. In alabama most judges split thing down the middle if both have worked the whole married. It would probably be joint custody.me and my son are very close and he may want to live with me. I have always been the one to pick them up from school because i get off work at that time. She is the one with the good job. My doctors wanted me on disability but we worked out I can work 30 hours a week because of the type of work I do. I just want to know if i am intitled to half the pension she earned while we were married.just looking at the alabama website i should be but all examples I have read was the man having the pension. She was the cheater and the divorce is her idea. She has talked about living as roomates until kids are grown but I need to feel loved. I am sorry question is so long. I know I need to go talk to lawyer but I am afraid I will breakdown talking to one and they all will know her because of her job.
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MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
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1/2 the pension and lifetime alimony is in the picture. Most importantly, what does your ATTORNEY say?
You do have one, don't you?
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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Just a thought you might need to talk to your doctor about going on disability if that is going to happen in the near future. Being on disability can change the settlement. This is something to talk to your lawyer about. I would get several free consultations then pick one that you feel comfortable with.
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v8crazy
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/13
Posts: 6
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I have not even talked to lawyer yet. We still live in same house and some days she acts like nothinh ever happened. I am on anti anxiety meds now and scared how to survive alone. Last night I remembered she has a retirement account from her job with the city. It is a pretty nice one too.She started working there after high school graduation. She didn't start contributing to retirement untill we were married a year. So it has amlost 25 years worth of funds built up. It is a lot of money now. I dont't want to seem greedy but she had no problem spending amlost 50,000 my 401k had from my job on the house. I still work around 30 hours a week but that is all I can do after I broke my back. Doctors said I would never work again but my jog founf me a job at a desk I can do almost 10 years ago. I guess I need to find a lawyer. I just can't see how someone so loving can become so cold and indifferent overnight.I looked up my states laws and Alabama will split everything in half. I don't know if the adultry will change anything. I would like to get full custody but she is a good mom to the kids. She said she may want to stay as room mates until youngest has gone but she will want a boyfriend.
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v8crazy
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/13
Posts: 6
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She may wished she stayed a good girl because her retirement is worth almost 600,000 dollars. I have always been faithful and would have giving my life for her.I still would. but being retirement/Pension it may be years before I get any money.
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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I don't know her but, some people continue to act nice and give the STBX spouse hope while they are getting their financials ready so they can keep whatever they can. Basically, she could be playing you in order to hide assets so you won't get as much. Talk to a lawyer so you make an informed decision regardless what it may be.
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v8crazy
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/13
Posts: 6
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I will have ti\o talk to a lwayer tosee if i have to wait untill she retires before I can get it. She is the last pweron that I thought would be a cheating floozy. WE spemt Christmas at Disney with the kids (I saved for 3 years for)but I found many many text she sent to him. The first thing xmas morning she text him and never told me merry christmas.After I found out is almost comitted suicide.I had the gun ready and everything and it fired as I was putting it up to my head (I was shaking so much) I missed and chickened out trying again.Suicide is out now I want revenge. The other man is married and I am torn telling on him so his wife doesn"t go through what I am. They work together and I have been prepairing a letter with text copied to send them.I have not gone violent because I want to take the high road so judge will like me. I am the guy and want to be the nice guy for custody reasons.If I can get half her pension she will always thimk of what she did especially after she retires. the bad thing is a guy like me at my age 47 get a someone so beautiful
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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Well, I'd think twice about contacting his wife. Their work place might have a policy on having work place relationships. Sometimes employers fire one or both of the employees. That would cause financial problems potentially. Talk to a lawyer and figure out what is the best plan. Also consider getting some counseling. What you are going through is devastating and you need someone to talk to so you can stay strong for your children. You need to have someone or some place to go if you start feeling suicidal again.If the first counselor or support group doesn't fit, don't give up and try another one.
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v8crazy
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/13
Posts: 6
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I am over any suicide thoughts. After we divide and sell everything there will me very little to split except her retirement.We spent mine on the house ans she has a lot in hers. I hate the Idea of messing with her future but I will have to survive. It was all I had. Together 27 years marries almost 25 and she lied and cheated to me. She will not seek help so it is OVER. If I can get enough to start a new life I will go for it. 250,000 will be a decent start I would forgive her but after the evil things she said. I never lied ,cheated, or cussed at her nor have I EVER been violent towards her.I just knew we would grow old together. We have never had a major argument about anything. She just grew bored with me amd fell out of love. She still thinks love should be the butterflies you feel in your stomach. when you think of the other. I am a lost soul right now.I feel guilty even thinking of thr financial hurt she may feel. I always put me last.Thanks everybody for listening to me. I have nobody to talk to about this. We were the coupled everybody else envied. and my friends are her friends She doesn't know I have a copy of every text she sent him. I have not read ost of them because it would hurt too much. I will give them to a lawyer instead.
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v8crazy
recently joined
Reged: 05/26/13
Posts: 6
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I mjust noticed there is a section on this website for pemsions.m Should this question be moved over there. I don't want to double post
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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No one monitors the boards that closely. You should see some of the things posted here over the years. Lots of fighting, name calling, etc.
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MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
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Why? Hasn't your question already been answered? Make a copy of every financial statement there is; the house loan, tax returns, retirements accounts, ect. and see an attorney this week.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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Quote:
Just a thought you might need to talk to your doctor about going on disability if that is going to happen in the near future. Being on disability can change the settlement. This is something to talk to your lawyer about. I would get several free consultations then pick one that you feel comfortable with.
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It's not as simple as having his doctor write a note to say he's disabled. He is currently working 30+ hours a week, therefor he is NOT disabled.
He is still entitled to his share of her pension, other retirement accounts, and (hopefully) spousal support from her based on the disparity in their incomes.
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2092
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He stated that he only gets to work at a specific job because it allows accommodations. If his disability has the potential to become even more debilitating then he needs to talk with him or her because his health is a definite deciding factor in any settlement agreements.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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I have heard the standard used in divorce court is the government's decision on SSDI/SSI, you are either totally disabled or you are not. If his health issues become more debilitating in the future, that is his future concern. He is NOT totally disabled NOW.
His health should be a factor in the settlement agreement. His potential to become totally disabled sometime in the future AFTER the marriage has ended is a different story. His wife probably drives to work every day, should she get to say she can't pay spousal support because she may get in an accident someday and be unable to work ?
Encouraging someone who is not totally disabled to apply for benefits just to benefit their divorce proceedings is shameful.
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