catrmm
old hand
Reged: 08/07/05
Posts: 850
|
|
Whose side do you see me on?
Those on "his side" would see me on hers. Those on "her side" would see me on his.
|
catrmm
old hand
Reged: 08/07/05
Posts: 850
|
|
"There are plenty of us who manage to do all the household chores, all the childrearing, and work too without having to rely on a man to mow the yard."
Don't forget school and homework too! I think the OP manages to do all that too. Most of us have put our time in having to spread ourselves extremely thin from time to time but most of us would admit that it's not easy! I don't remember her saying that she was relying on him to do it! However, from time to time it sure is nice to get a little bit of help or at least understanding. Remember that I said the mowing argument involved, IMO, far more than who should be mowing the yard! Mowing the yard is one of the ways she contributes to the financial cost of the home.
|
rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
|
|
**Quote**Perhaps she was busy with work, school, the boys' homework, their ball practices and games, meals, housework, and her own homework. Grass grows terribly quickly this time of year! **Quote**
Welcome to single parenthood.. I deal with this on a daily basis. The only difference is I have to work 40 hours a week to pay MY expenses.
--------------------
Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
|
rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
|
|
**Quote**I'm not sure I want it to end, but he says he does. I'm so confused I don't know what to do**Quote**
If you read what you posted above, you most certainly should not be confused as to whether or not to end your marriage. Or are you confused as to just wait until you are done with school so he will continue to pay the bills? You WILL be able to get financial aid if you are a single parent, head of household. I do it every semester. You might have to take out student loans and you might have to go on assistance until you get on your feet. That is what it is there for. I guarantee you, if it were me, I'd rather starve than have sex with someone just so they would pay the bills. If you get a temporary order, then he WILL have to provide for the kids. He just won't have to provide for you unless you are awarded temporary support.
--------------------
Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
|
catrmm
old hand
Reged: 08/07/05
Posts: 850
|
|
As did I! However, there were times that the grass didn't get cut as quickly as it should, there were times that the house wasn't as clean as it should have been, and there were times when I was just too tired to be as vivacious a mom my children deserved. On top of that, those years of trying to do everything as a single parent with no support system helping me out took their toll on my health as well.
Yes, we can manage as single parents. However, it can be a struggle. Not all of us are super-parent no matter how much we'd like to be. Some parents choose to be single parents and have the resources to manage. Some have it thrust upon them and may not have those resources.
Some things that could be missing that makes it tougher are a support system (family/friends), sufficient education for that 40 hour a week job, health, youth, security, an ex who fails to take on any of the parenting, financial resources and so forth. Missing any of the above makes it tough; manageable (hopefully) but tough.
So, it's ok to have too much to do and the grass gets a bit too high. It's ok to want to finish school to get a degree and a better job. It's ok to be uncertain of the future. It's ok to be confused and say "my" bills when you mean the kids' expenses. It's ok to be a little hesitant to make the step into single parenthood. It's ok to not know what to do and to get upset at your spouse.
Both of them are trying to find their way through this difficult time. I hope they can figure something out without resorting to hating each other. It may be staying together. It might mean divorce. Let's hope they find something that works for them both.
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
They've been apart quite some time for him to still be coming back seeking sex...whether or not he'd end the support...WHICH BTW, the court would ORDER if he didn't do it voluntarily. It's good that he doesn't need to be ordered, but seeking sex, whether that hinges on it or not, after separated and intending to go their own way...something's wrong with that.
You would have showed up then stood and watched and not offered help? Somehow I don't take you as that type of person. IE: You go to dinner at your mom's house. Do you let her do her own dishes in her own house, that you will never own, or offer to help since you are there and see her working? Add to that, you left the kids with her to watch while you went out on a date or whatever, then stop back by to pick them up. She's doing the dishes that your kids dirtied up. You paid her for sitting. But now...do you stand there and lean against the counter and watch while she does the dishes or grab a dish towel and start drying?
--------------------
Char Fox
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
>>>>>I guarantee you, if it were me, I'd rather starve than have sex with someone just so they would pay the bills.<<<<<
That one I agree with. If the kids ever got wind of what's going on, how do you think that would make you look to them? It's too much like prostitution for my taste.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
I know the dynamics of what happened. He stood there and watched and didn't offer help. Now I read that it's even deeper than that. But based on him just standing there and watching, it's like the dishes scenario I laid out in my response to Rebecca. I'd say the same thing about someone who fit that scenario and stood by and leaned on the counter while watching their mother do the dishes their kids dirtied to...even if they too paid. You just don't stand there, unless you're disabled, and watch someone labor at a task without offering assistance...ESPECIALLY when that task benefits YOUR kids.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
She's not a "single" parent. Even if they WERE divorced, the kids have TWO parents still. That's the problem with divorce and why the courts feel CP/NCP is a necessary split. Some people tend to think if they no longer live daily with the kids they stop being a parent and therefore they stop acting like one.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
However, how many of us do it while allowing the man to lean up against the fence chewing his cud and just watching us labor in his yard for his kids? I'd have told him to either get to helping or get to stepping.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
[Re: 
Edit
Reply
Quote
