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MamaKitty
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Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
Sex
      #84600 - 03/04/06 04:16 AM

Just out of curiousity... at the time of your divorce, where were you at regarding intimacy in your marriage? I've read lots of people who were already had separate bedrooms by the time they divorced, but I'm sure not everyone was at that point.
At the time of your divorce, what kind of connection (if any) did you have with your ex physically/mentally/emotionally?

c


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Renee
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Reged: 06/02/05
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Loc: The Palmetto State
Re: Sex [Re: MamaKitty]
      #84619 - 03/04/06 10:13 AM

Zero connection. He acted like he lived in a dorm room, and that a successful marriage meant that as long as he went to work everyday that was all that was required of him. The resentment on my part built up to the point where if he touched me I was phsically repulsed. I gave up trying to look nice for him, be nice to him, give him everything he needed... he didn't even notice. That is until he wanted sex and heard the word 'no'. Then he'd fake being a helpful husband for a couple of days, I'd have hope, we'd be together, then he'd revert right back to type. All his words of sharing and caring were promptly forgotten.

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Rebecca5
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Reged: 06/02/05
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Re: Sex [Re: MamaKitty]
      #84632 - 03/04/06 10:51 AM

Absolutely zero. Well....can I go negative on a 0-10 scale.....like a -20? Honestly....I was more repulsed by the thought of touching him....let alone having sex. He slept on the couch.....we really didn't even speak to each other. I had assumed all of the household expenses, childcare arrangements (even when he was home), cleaning, cooking, etc. At the end of our marriage....he was just in the way of me getting on with my life.

I look at him now....and I can't....really.....even remember what sex with him was like. He's such a different person now. The person I fell in love with is history.


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stacey30
old hand
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Reged: 11/27/05
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Re: Sex [Re: MamaKitty]
      #84648 - 03/04/06 11:46 AM

Emotionally we were never connected, but phsysically we were very attracted to one another.

We could never get on the same page, except when it came to our daughter.

He wanted sex 24/7. What he didn't seem to understand was it was the last thing wanted to do at the end of the night after giving myself to children all day.

We are both very physically attracted to each other and that is half the problem!!


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helphelphelp
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Reged: 01/05/06
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Re: Sex [Re: stacey30]
      #84783 - 03/05/06 09:54 AM

There was no desire on either of our parts to be intimate.
He had his room.... I mine. There was so much emotional pain between us. The lies, deception, meaness, manipulation verbal abuse. Left no room for warm fuzzy feelings.
Now I just want to get the settlement done, pay my mortgage off. Put the shattered pieces of my life back together the best I can. Learn to smile and trust again, find a bit of happiness in this world. Hope, someday when the right song comes on the radio.... reminding me of happier times..... I'll feel a bit of spring in my step.


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MamaKitty
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Re: Sex [Re: helphelphelp]
      #84788 - 03/05/06 10:11 AM

I asked this question already thinking I might know the answer...
Almost everyone (myself included) was at a point where the other spouse was already moved into another bedroom. And had zero connectiveness.

I think I was hoping to hear there were a few people who were still intimately involved at the point when they started the divorce.

c


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almostheaven
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Reged: 07/13/04
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Re: Sex [Re: MamaKitty]
      #84895 - 03/05/06 07:43 PM

I actually gave it a try with my second ex. But even trying intimacy for a few days seemed weird. It just didn't work. I think in the back of my mind I was worrying about who he'd last slept with too much.

--------------------
Char Fox


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gunamakit
journeyman


Reged: 12/11/05
Posts: 78
Re: Sex [Re: Renee]
      #84899 - 03/05/06 07:57 PM

Quote:

Zero connection. He acted like he lived in a dorm room, and that a successful marriage meant that as long as he went to work everyday that was all that was required of him. The resentment on my part built up to the point where if he touched me I was phsically repulsed. I gave up trying to look nice for him, be nice to him, give him everything he needed... he didn't even notice. That is until he wanted sex and heard the word 'no'. Then he'd fake being a helpful husband for a couple of days, I'd have hope, we'd be together, then he'd revert right back to type. All his words of sharing and caring were promptly forgotten.





Oh its like a mirror of my situation.


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Jennym2994
newbie


Reged: 11/15/05
Posts: 48
Re: Sex [Re: gunamakit]
      #84966 - 03/06/06 10:05 AM

We had sex the night I moved out. Thats all he wanted..."one last time"..Thats all he wanted the whole marriage.

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Renee
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Reged: 06/02/05
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Re: Sex [Re: Jennym2994]
      #84981 - 03/06/06 11:22 AM

Mine was the same way the day he moved out. Didn't I know that we were supposed to have 'farewell sex'??? He cornered me in the bedroom while his friends were loading the uhaul and he's explaining how EVERYONE does it when they split up. I just wanted to scream 'You f*in moron - I couldn't stand sex with you when we were married, what the he!! makes you think I'd want it with you now?'

Gotta be something in the male psyche that makes them so clueless on this subject.


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Laura
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Reged: 02/22/06
Posts: 300
Re: Sex [Re: Renee]
      #85913 - 03/08/06 06:57 PM

Exactly!!! And now it's like you moved out but we can still do it!! Even with thing living with him he would strip naked in a snow storm if I said Hey baby ya' wanna!!!

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jds
recently joined


Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 13
Re: Sex [Re: Laura]
      #86072 - 03/09/06 10:17 AM

We had a great sex life. I'd like to think he would again if I asked but he cheated, so I don't think I should go there.

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brokenwing
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Reged: 03/07/06
Posts: 23
Re: Sex [Re: jds]
      #86343 - 03/09/06 04:25 PM

I use to think we were good together when we made love but I'm starting to think that maybe I was the one who repulsed him and I didn't even know it. He started falling asleep on the couch and I just thought it was because he was watching TV late at night maybe he just didn't want to sleep next to me. That makes me think and upsets me because I didn't know he could have felt this way, I want to ask him so bad now but I don't even know if he would be honest.

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Kimberly90210
newbie


Reged: 01/07/07
Posts: 25
Re: Sex [Re: Renee]
      #185224 - 01/11/07 02:14 PM

Many people believe it's ok to have breakup sex, and some people have sex only relationship with their stbx spouse, but it never works out or resolves anything.

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