hijinxed333
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Reged: 03/30/08
Posts: 5
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My only child a daughter married 18 years to Army soldier, they have 3 young children (under 11 yo). Stationed in Maryland currently. They've been separated over one year (not a LEGAL separation) no paperwork etc. He just got tired of being a husband and father and chose to take the easy way out and just move out.
He moved out she's on base in housing. She was stay at home mom until he moved out, she now works part time so she can care for kids when they're not in school.
They've been trying to 'agree' to some legal separation issues including child support etc but not making much progress.
Long story short until a couple months ago his paycheck was going into joint checking account, now he has stopped that. The only support she's currently getting is the base housing.
According to what I read in Army Reg 608-99 that as long as there is no legal separation ordering otherwise that living in base housing is all she and the kids are entitiled to? Can this be right?
Attorneys are SO expensive and she has no money to pay for one, husband and I can help some but don't have $10,000 or more to give her to get a divorce.
Any ideas or suggestions? This is really breaking our hearts.
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Redlegg
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The Army requires that the minimum amount of support required in the absence of a court order is the entire BAH. That is the equivalent of Base Housing, so she is gettiing the support required. She should still talk to a lawyer about a temporary settlement, and also to his Chain of Command. I am not saying anything except that he is meeting the minimum support requirement, but there are other avenues as well, ACS, and even the red cross can refer her to places where she can get more help. How long has he been in the Army????
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hijinxed333
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Thanks for response; he's been in the army appr 19 yrs
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Redlegg
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go to your page and accept messages
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hijinxed333
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Done, thanks
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Miranda
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She needs to get a child support order. He is doing what is required of him via the Army. Once divorced, she will not be entitled to any free house or BAH amount.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Redlegg
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One of the great benefits, free housing that they give to everyone on and off post.
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Miranda
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Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]One of the great benefits, free housing that they give to everyone on and off post. [/quote]
What?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Redlegg
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The free housing everyone on and off post gets, that is a hard one to give up when you divorce.
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Butterfly05
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Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 8
Loc: California
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Technically once he moved out of the Gov't quarters she only has 90-days and then she must move out and that is in the regulation. Now she can get an exception to policy if she requests it as long as the children are going to school on base.
As for a divorce costing $10k no divorce costs that much unless you are looking at there being a long drawn out court case and there being high dollar amounts having to be divided up like for instance the McCartney's divorce settlement but since he is in the Army I highly doubt that would be the case.
If your daughter can hold on to this marriage until they hit the 20 year mark and not get a divorce but just have seperate homes then I would recommend she wait to file until after the 20 year marriage mark. And why is that... well because once she hits the 20 year marriage mark, she is entitled to what is called the 20/20 rule. She gets all of her benefits to include healthcare, commissary and exchange priviledges no matter where she is living and of course she will get 50% of his retirement pay. If she bails out of the marriage now she loses all of the benefits and will only retain a percentage of the 50% of his retirement pay and not 100% of the 50%, if you understand what I am trying to tell you. It's to her advantage and benefit to stay married to the jerk for the 2 years and then file for divorce but she can also request and most likely get it counseling for the two of them to work on their marriage. I would have her start attending counseling and then when the counselor thinks its right time to have him come in and see if there are any issues in the marriage that can be repaired. He may also be going through mid-life crisis which also happens a lot especially with military members who are having a hard time with the realities of the deployments they have been on. When life flashes around you, you start to think of other things and can't handle responsibilities and that's almost what it sounds like with her spouse that he is having a hard time coping and may be in some need of counseling to help him through his problems and process. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about in getting counseling because in the end everyone will be better for it and maybe a marriage and a family could be saved.
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Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.
-H.G. Wells
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Redlegg
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I would guess the jerk knows that the longer he stays married, it could cost him more out of his retirement, so maybe the way to go is to use it as a bargaing chip, stay married to meet the requirements for benefits, and give up some of the retirement in return. Sometimes you have to give something to get something and I think the healthcare alone is worth the 5-7% of the retirement she may gain by staying married for 20 years. Its not like the 50% is a guaranteed. It is totally up to the judge. So maybe there is a win win situation for all despite a terrible time going through a divorce.
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Butterfly05
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Loc: California
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I just found out that there is a new ruling on the retirement benefit and the judge has to abide by it. No matter how many years they are married (after the 10 that is) the spouse will automatically get the retirement and the formula is set up in such a way that even someone with bad math skills could figure it out and if the military member gets percentage for disabilities that happened while in the military the spouses retirement does not go down by that percentage point like it did in the past. I know for me, my lawyer had it put into my divorce decree that if my ex got disability that it would not effect my retirement pay at all. So I would get 100% of what is coming to me instead of losing the 10, 20 or even 100% depending on what the member is given. And now with the new ruling it protects the spouse getting the retirement pay and they do not lose anything at all.
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Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.
-H.G. Wells
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Redlegg
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The USFPA is a federal law, what is the ruling that makes division automatic. As it stands now, a military retirement is allowed to be considered marital property by the individual states, and the presiding judge may or may not award any percentage they decide to. The 10 Year rule is from DFAS and not a part of any law, all it says is that DFAS will NOT make automatic payments unless the couple was married for a minimum of 10 years while the member served. Federal law also make disability payments non divisible, and any order to the contrary is from an individual court, an order can be worded to basically not change the amount, but it is not a law. When did the law change ? There is a push to get rid of the ten year automatic payment requirement because members would rather have DFAS cut the check and the recipient handle the taxes since it is so much easier than trying to get the recipient to pay the taxes, but when did that become federal law? is this something you know, or something you heard
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