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kav
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Reged: 06/10/05
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I got the clubs!!!
      #37426 - 10/18/05 08:06 PM

Hello All
It was a good day for me!! My stbx came by and we discussed what I wanted from him before the divorce such as support and the 401k split. I got everything I asked for and I got the clubs!!! Now the story here, at least for me, is a good one because this is my payback. I bought my stbx a good set of Nike golf clubs for our anniversary in Feb. He already knew he wanted to be with someone else, three weeks later, we split. Ever since I wanted the golf clubs back a) because they were bought under false pretenses and b) because he really liked them. Anyway, I told him I would fight the divorce as long as I could, if I didn't get the clubs. Since he's waiting for the divorce papers to get signed to move in with the girlfriend, he doesn't want to play around. I guess he's afraid if he moves in with her before that somehow I would screw him. A little justice for Kim :)
Anyway, this made me very happy and I just wanted to share it.
Kim

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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.


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SteelersJR1
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Re: I got the clubs!!! [Re: kav]
      #37428 - 10/18/05 08:27 PM

If you need someplace to send those clubs, let me know! I didn't get on the course at all this year. Seriously, good news. Anytime you can tighten the screws, it's a good day.
Geoff

--------------------
Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.


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kav
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Re: I got the clubs!!! [Re: SteelersJR1]
      #37430 - 10/18/05 08:41 PM

Maybe I can take up a bidding war on the board for the clubs, what do you think? Ah, the sweet taste of revenge!!!

--------------------
Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.


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passem
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Reged: 06/26/04
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About revenge..... [Re: kav]
      #37437 - 10/18/05 09:05 PM

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)

Revenge... is like a rolling stone, which, when a man hath forced up a hill, will return upon him with a greater violence, and break those bones whose sinews gave it motion.
Albert Schweitzer

He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.
John Milton

Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Author Unknown


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kav
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Reged: 06/10/05
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Re: About revenge..... [Re: passem]
      #37441 - 10/18/05 09:19 PM

Maybe so passem but it feels so good right now.

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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.


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SteelersJR1
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Re: About revenge..... [Re: kav]
      #37442 - 10/18/05 09:22 PM

I'm gonna have to agree with Kim. Any time right now I hear about something not working for her, my heart leaps for joy! That will change with time, but it's all I got right now.

--------------------
Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.


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passem
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Re: About revenge..... [Re: SteelersJR1]
      #37445 - 10/18/05 09:36 PM

I understand. BTDT. What has been most comfortable has been the past five or so years when I finally achieved indifference.

For so long as I "cared" (and revenge is caring about outcomes) I was still emotionally attached to someone who didn't deserve it.


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AnneB
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Same here... [Re: SteelersJR1]
      #37446 - 10/18/05 09:37 PM

And I seem to remember someone posting about the homeless state of their ex-spouse and her loss of child support so if that wasn't enjoying revenge, it sure looked like it. I don't remember anyone on here inquiring as to her wellbeing!

Go ahead and relish the thought of those golf clubs!


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kav
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Re: Same here... [Re: AnneB]
      #37447 - 10/18/05 09:41 PM

Anne
I will relish the thought. And I will probably just give the clubs away. Just a little more happiness for me :) It's the last thing I will be able to do to him. He will then go on to live happily after after, at least for a little while. And I'll still be picking up the pieces of my life.

--------------------
Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.


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passem
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That would probably have been me because..... [Re: AnneB]
      #37448 - 10/18/05 09:43 PM

that was her status at the end of last year. However, it was not something I revelled in. I found it most unfortunate. The thrust of my post was that it freed my alienated daughters from her grasp and, once out of her direct control and influence, they reinstated their relationships with me which WAS and remains something to revel in, especially after 10 years of nothing.

If that's what you're referring to, I'm HAPPY to report that the ex has moved away, has her first-ever fulltime job and just got her own apartment. She's making it on her own for the first time in her life. That gives our children a great deal of comfort which, in turn, gives me comfort.

Revenge was never an issue and never will be.

Edited to add: I simply can't inmagine wishing ill on someone I was married to for 25 years, whom I first met over 50 years ago and with whom I had five children. Things were bad and she did her best to destroy me during and after the divorce but revenge? Not an option. She didn't succeed and my life's been better ever since.

Gratitude would be more like it.

Edited by passem (10/18/05 09:54 PM)


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NancyD
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Re: I got the clubs!!! [Re: kav]
      #37476 - 10/19/05 08:00 AM

Kim, one small correction to your post. The clubs weren't "bought" under false pretenses...they were accepted under false pretenses. Your purchase of them was done in the truest spirit of celebration of your anniversary. His acceptance of them was vile and selfish, knowing he was planning to leave in a matter of days.

Anyway, glad to hear they are now in your possession and you can move on to the final decree.


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kav
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Re: I got the clubs!!! [Re: NancyD]
      #37513 - 10/19/05 11:23 AM

Nancy

You're absolutely right!! They were accepted under false pretenses. Thanks for the correction :)

Kim

--------------------
Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.


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AnneB
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Kim, [Re: kav]
      #37515 - 10/19/05 11:26 AM

Be glad it was only golf clubs. In our case it was a new sports car. And I had purchased it with my separate property and given it to him with a clear title in his name only so he would know it was 100% his (remember we had been married a long time). During the pendency of our divorce he GAVE it to OW and let her trade it in on a new SUV she wanted and he took her old car. How is that for being treated like crap!!!

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NancyD
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Re: Kim, [Re: AnneB]
      #37603 - 10/19/05 06:29 PM

Similar story here, Anne. The only property we "owned", other than household goods, were two cars. One was a Taurus wagon he insisted on getting since he need to lug things around. That was in my name (loan/title) since I got the downpayment as a gift from my father. A month before he moved outówhile we were still supposedly working with a marriage counselorówe leased a Honda Accord which was supposed to be my car. It had all the accessories I wanted. But to make it more economically feasible he was going to get it in his name and write it off as a business expense (he's self-employed).

Come the moment we're supposed to pick up the car and sign the loan papers, the dealer says, "Sorry, his credit isn't good enough." I should have walked then, especially considering all the other stuff going on, but he talked me into co-signing the lease so we could get the car.

When he told me he was leaving, he said that he was taking the Accord since it was the one that he was responsible for financially. That was a joke.

I took the clunky wagon, paid it off and eventually bought a third-hand sedan from my father which I still have.

Ex never made the final lease payment on the Accord, and six and half years later I find it out when I'm turned down for a college loan for our son. It seems he ALSO neglected to take my name off the lease, which was a part of our divorce agreement. And natch, he has never reimbursed me for the $$ I had to spend from my savings for our son's tuitionóalso part of our decree.

Other people spend more of my money than I do.


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AnneB
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Nancy, I think [Re: NancyD]
      #37608 - 10/19/05 06:43 PM

our exes must be cousins! I don't know how they rationalize the crappy stuff they do. My ex wouldn't help me get a car, pay for the insurance or ANYTHING for our son. But, the minute I buy him something, he expects me to allow our son to drive there to see him and his grandmother even though it is 400 miles--at my expense even though he NEVER picked him up once where we live for the 4 years from age 12 to 16. They didn't see each other. But now that our son can drive, he thinks he can have visitation at my expense. NOT. Not only the expense, he is not mature enough to drive that far on the interstate by himself, I don't think.

Hope your son was able to finish college and that he knows who to thank. I think they just lose their conscience when they find the new love.


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kav
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Re: Kim, [Re: NancyD]
      #37609 - 10/19/05 06:43 PM

So what is it with these men? My stbx as you may have read in one of my posts a month ago did the same thing with one of our cars. He kept the Chrysler and I took the Mustang. I make my payments while making half the salary he makes and he missed 2 going on 3 payments for the Chrysler, it was getting ready for repossession when he finally made the 3 payments due. Best part, it's in my name. I thought he was just screwing me, turns out who he has his credit card through (we have cards in our own name, thank God) called my work looking for him. I don't know how they got my number but I said I was his wife and they told me he was 4 payments behind on that. Now he makes good money, I can't figure out why he won't pay the bills. Guess he feels the need to spend it all on his new gf. How embarassed will he be when she finds out his credit sucks???

--------------------
Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.


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AnneB
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Re: Kim, [Re: kav]
      #37622 - 10/19/05 07:19 PM

I think it has something to do with "getting" someone else while still married. It is like that act alone instills a sense of invincibility that makes them think they are above reproach and above the law. At least that is my take on my ex. Before he met her, he was the quintessential stick in the mud as far as following rules, obeying laws, etc. When she came along, he became guilty of child endangerment, leaving our then 11 year old home alone ALL night while he spent the night with her, sold a bunch of my separate property on Ebay, ignored a court order to pay CS, lied under oath about throwing our son against the wall, and I try not to remember what else. It is like the affair has violated their conscience and principles, so after that what do they have left to lose so just do whatever strikes their fancy, or something.

The amazing thing, Kim, was that I could understand an affair, I really could. It is not that uncommon for a man in his mid-40's to have the mid-life crisis thing when one child leaves home for college and go for a younger woman. It was the OTHER stuff he did, that displayed a complete lack of integrity, that blew me away. I know an affair indicates a lack of integrity too, but I don't think many people start out with the idea of that happening. He made a conscious decision to leave our son home alone, to sell my stuff, to lie under oath, give her the car, etc. That was what was so disappointing. How could you be married to someone over 20 years and not know them better than that? And, we had actually known each other since we were freshmen in high school or so, just didn't date and marry until after college. I will never get it either.


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NancyD
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Re: Nancy, I think [Re: AnneB]
      #37715 - 10/20/05 08:09 AM

Nope, son did a trimester and dropped out. It cost me about $8000. Ex is supposed to pay half, but it's just collecting dust along with the $43,000 he owes in back CS.

Can't get blood from a stone, and until I hear he has a staff job or has won the lottery, I can't get money from him. His checks are often deposited in one account and withdrawn as cash as soon as they clear. Many years ago, when his first wife had his account seized, he just went to another bank and opened a new account. NYC has lots of banks, and he could keep doing that for a long time.


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ginni
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you made me smile [Re: kav]
      #37900 - 10/21/05 11:14 AM

My ex husband and I didn't really have anything to, "Split," but what he took from our entire family emotionally was more than anything material! We ended up losing everything we had...sort of...it's all locked up in storage across the country...but it's all gone.

I used to be able to say, "At least I have my children, our home, our life." Now I can at least say I have my children.

I know you could really care less about the clubs themselves, but what they represent. To me they say, "This is one more time you did not get to stomp my heart and leave me to bleed alone." (You to him of course.)

I'm happy for you Ms. Kay. In your post I think we all, "Won," something back.

Love always,
ginni

--------------------
Mommie? I love you more than bacon. AYL-01/20/2006


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