buzby25
recently joined
Reged: 04/27/05
Posts: 1
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[color:blue] [/color] I'm in NJ & don't know where to go to find answers. Appx. 1 month ago, I began dating a man who had separated from his wife. They were married for a number of years, but had numerous problems/issues. They have 1 child, aged 7. He had been "kicked out" 3 times previously, and after #4, he decided he does not want to go back (prior to meeting me). He's been out of the home for 3 months now, but she alternates between asking him to come back one day & fighting with him to get his things out of the house the next day. We have not slept together yet, but I'm concerned because she hired someone to follow him. He noticed the individual on several occasions, and finally was able to maneuver a confrontation with the gentleman, who admitted that my friend's wife hired him to do the following about a month ago. We're concerned, because we're not sure if she could claim adultery, because we've kissed and hugged in public & done some "heavy petting" in the car (yeah, I know, tacky, but what's done is done). He's saving $ to pay a divorce attorney, but it will be a while before he can come up with the retainer, because in addition to giving her money to support their daughter, he's also paying the mortgage & bills on their home, even though he's not living there. He's an honorable man and wants to make sure his daughter is taken care of, so he does it, even without a court order. Can she use this against him as "adultery"? Is he allowed to date/have a relationship since they're living in separate residences? Do we need to stop seeing each other? Can ANYONE give me some advice? I don't want to stop seeing this man, but I don't want to cause him any problems in his divorce either...his daughter is at stake in all this, and I believe that she is the most important issue. Is there anywhere on the web where I can get this info in writing? Can anyone advise? [color:blue] [/color] [color:blue] [/color] Someone, PLEASE help!
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prginocx
journeyman
Reged: 01/12/05
Posts: 86
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Get a pair of boxing gloves and confront the Ex. Doubtful you would be arrested for punching her lights out...
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sugarb
enthusiast
Reged: 12/16/04
Posts: 375
Loc: In the Heartland on America
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This is adultery and I don't bother giving advice to adulterers. You'll be the one facing a divorce a few years down the line. Good Luck to you!
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FlCowgirl2001
newbie
Reged: 05/24/05
Posts: 39
Loc: Florida
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I private messaged you.
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TNmom
journeyman
Reged: 04/21/05
Posts: 72
Loc: Tennessee
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One should not start something new until the old trash is taken out. Stay away and let him settle his issues. It could become a issue if his ex makes it a issue. Odds are if someone is following him, the ex is up to something.
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Moi
old hand
Reged: 05/28/05
Posts: 784
Loc: DFW, TX
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I had a friend who met a married woman. He found out she was recently seperated (past few months) and I like how he put it.... "It ain't over till it's OVEr and maybe not even then." Let him go straighten his act out and if it was meant to be, he'll come back.
In many states, yes, that is considered adultry. In some states, adultry is a crime. In some states, she can actually sue you in civil court for alienation of affection. If you are not the "reason" he is not going back to his wife, well then set him free and see what happens. MANY times, the guy ends up back with the wife. THink hard.
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Every storm cloud has a silver lining. Will you capitalize on it or b*tch about the storm?
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Chris1
journeyman
Reged: 06/04/05
Posts: 75
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You're picking the wrong man to get involved with.
Let him sort out his relationship with his wife before
getting involved (meaning he's divorced!!).
If you haven't been married, or divorced, you don't
know the mind frame of the process. Nice guy, or not,
and I don't suspect he is, he's confused.
Why take on that burden?
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MaryWhoCares
old hand
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 983
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I would NEVER date a separated man period! To put your heart and body into that would be pretty compromised as he could easily go back to the spouse.....
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Mary
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonaide!
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AZRN
member
Reged: 03/22/05
Posts: 151
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Actually, it's not adultery, from a biblical standpoint. In any case, many of us have had our separations and divorces drag on for some time. New relationships are sometimes formed in the meantime. It happens. I'm all for avoiding the baggage that goes along with this, but we're not always so lucky.
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Sort of agee with SB in a way. There is the trust issue. If he cheats now with you, he may cheat on you later. Simply being separated and saving money for an attorney does NOT mean one is divorced, it just means they moved elsewhere. Given that he has gone back 3 time he may go back this time also. Are you prepared emotionally for that to happen? Are you prepared to possibly be subpoened into divorce court, are you prepared if there are bad results for him if he gets a judge who swayed against him when it comes to visitation/custody etc. because the judge believes adultery is wrong? If you are prepared for these things and can handle them so be it. IMO he is not free to start a new relationship and I would not invest the time in him, now would I trust him knowing he cheats on his wife, separated or not. Plus if the fact I was in his life had any adverse affect on the divorce, visitation etc. I would suffer a great deal of guilt. I know a lot of people could not care less about the biblical aspects on this, but for those who believe, the bible is very clear on this subject.
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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