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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 20272
Loc: Third rock from the sun
Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: Renee]
      #310752 - 10/25/07 03:08 PM

Either agree to these rules NOW and accept them as gospel for the rest of your relationship; OR agree to them now and hope that she lightens up with enough love and stability.

---> Disagree on the "either/or"...more problems are caused because of a "hope" that things will change OR can be changed later. It should be...either you agree or you don't agree with the "terms", and if you don't agree...you move on.

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rlive
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Reged: 09/23/07
Posts: 24
Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: Gecko]
      #310949 - 10/25/07 06:39 PM

YIKES!!! Having lived with a control freak for 20 years, this has SHACKLES AND CHAINS written all over it. Think about having a hard day at work, and not wanting to be touched, but just wanting to sit quietly for a while - gather your thoughts - is she going to freak on you? What if you don't hear your phone - does she then speed dial you 20-40-100 times? There are times that you are going to need your space or she may need hers, but since you've cut this deal - is that going to be possible. When does the resentment start? How long to you start thinking to yourself, I wish she would just go away.... The best we can all do is own our [censored]... doesn't sound like she is doing that, but is projecting her issues on to your relationship. Control is not love.

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Relayer
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Reged: 03/13/07
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Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: yregna]
      #311101 - 10/26/07 06:04 AM

Ok "yregna", who are you? You obviously murdered the real yregna and have hid the body and assumed his identity.

Seriously dude, whats the deal here?

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jss1
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Reged: 10/09/07
Posts: 133
Loc: New York
Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: Relayer]
      #311165 - 10/26/07 08:57 AM

Dude that chick needs a couple of years on the couch.

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Life is tough dont make it tougher.


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yregna
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Reged: 07/25/06
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Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: Relayer]
      #311234 - 10/26/07 10:51 AM

It's me for Dogs sake, what is wrong with you people !
Yes I am bitter and angry from having to pay my ex, who wouldn't be !
This women was in a 22 year marriage, her hubby made $80k, she made $45k. SHE INSISTED ON ZERO ALIMONY. She did get CS for the 2 kids. How many woman on this board can say that ? Damn few...
Anyway, I kinda agree with you, she has issues, but who doesn't ? I want to put off the moving in together thing for a while, perhaps that will cause a breakup, but if it doesn't, perhaps she will lessen her " requirements "...

I don't want to have to be available via cell all the time unless I'm getting paid for it....

We do have some other stuff that meshes well, she likes to fish and shoot, she likes to go hiking with the dogs, she doesn't watch much TV, she has a lot of interest in sex ( They all do 'cept my ex...), she has a steady job, her kids are almost grown and out of the house, she has stable finances with minimal debt.

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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"


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Relayer
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Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: yregna]
      #311648 - 10/26/07 07:57 PM

Well, just from reading your posts and your description of her, I would say..

The cell phone thing is a deal killer. You guys aren't even "together" per se yet and she is controlling you big time.

I would run for the hills on this one..it's only going to get WAY worse.

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Renee
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Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: Gecko]
      #311681 - 10/26/07 11:46 PM

"---> Disagree on the "either/or"...more problems are caused because of a "hope" that things will change OR can be changed later. It should be...either you agree or you don't agree with the "terms", and if you don't agree...you move on. "

That was my too subtle point....Men tend to biotch and moan if women don't take them at face value and hope they'll change. If he's going to stick it out with her he better be prepared to accept the rules as-is forever, because if he thinks she's going to mellow with time he's setting himself up to whine like a little girly girl in the end.


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1004SRS
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Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: yregna]
      #311725 - 10/27/07 08:40 AM

Sleeping naked together every night is a deal breaker for me. That isn't true intimacy. It is the sign of a controlling biotch.

What happens if you are cold and wanna wear sweats to bed?

What happens if you don't feel like snuggling? I don't wanna snuggle very single night.

Ever fall asleep on the sofa watching a movie?

Ever just want to sleep by yourself and take up the whole bed - esepcially on clean sheet night?

So, during that time of the month is she going to want to sleep naked? Really do you want her to sleep naked during that time?

There are more of us out there that are normal than you realize. Don't settle for someone just to be in a relationship. I got zero alimony, but did ask for child support. Pretty common, I think.

Eddited to add: Of course she wants s3x a lot right now. She's trying to "get" you. Women can be just like men about that.

Edited by 1004SRS (10/27/07 09:14 AM)


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Patrice
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Reged: 07/21/06
Posts: 401
Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: yregna]
      #311930 - 10/27/07 04:57 PM

I think your first line "after first kiss she insisted we be exclusive from that point on" was enough. One kiss means you're now joined at the hip???

RUN!

Unless, of course, you see this as a common personality trait between you, the setting of requirements, and can take it as well as dish it out.

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To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.


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BB1
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Reged: 10/26/05
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Re: New GF has " requirements " [Re: yregna]
      #312045 - 10/28/07 09:01 AM

If you choose to meet her expectations, that's fine. I just don't like the being available by cell 24/7. What if you're getting your hair cut, colonoscopy, fishing and got the big one. Are you going to drop the pole because of an unreasonable expeactation that you promised to obide by?

Personally, I do not like to sleep nude. I at least need to have undies on and the last thing I want is a man's naked ding-dong touching me all night. It would just be a distraction that would keep me awake because it would make me think about nookie. And I'm sure you won't appreciate her tampon string tickling your leg all night while you cuddle.

I don't like demands myself. I'd say run for the hills because controlling relationships are toxic. Today it's snuggle me, tomorrow, it's mind my every word. I fear new conditions will pop up for you on a regular basis.

Do you snore? Will she tolerate that without complaint or force you to the couch and break her own rule? Oh, I guess she could just demand surgery or something if you do snore or insist you stop snoring because you have to be doing it on purpose just to annoy her. Anyway. It's your choice, conform or run.

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It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.


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