nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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I'm 39 and well in love. At this point, we both know very well who we are, what we want, etc. Totally different from where I was when I met my ex.
I have been advised in many different ways to NOT go too fast in a new relationship. I'm not talking marriage or anything, but just feelings in general.
It was about 2 months into this that he first told me he loved me. While I was feeling the excitement of the new relationship, it was too soon for the L word, IMO. I replied that I loved him "so far" cautioning against falling or expressing love too soon.
Now we're 5 months into this. We discussed that marriage is WAY not in this picture due to our kids' schools, etc. and it was so soon to think about that. However, my question involves what I'm feeling.
I really truly feel a deep love at this point. Could this be real? So soon? I'm aware of the 6 month infatuation period which we clearly are still in, but honestly, is it at all too soon to truly be feeling a real, deep love like this?
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3029
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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I don't know that there's a timetable, nolonger -- I think you can fall in love with someone in the time frame that you've given but is it a real deep abiding love that can weather the crises and disappointments of everyday life? You won't know that for awhile.
Why question it? If it's not real, you'll know at some point in the future. If it's what you have right now then it's fine.
I would seriously advise caution especially if there are kids involved -- my STBX had a simply horrid child -- a great exwife, that wasn't the issue -- but if the two of you can't come to some agreement when you explore parenting styles, discipline, family life, expectations, THEN I would suggest thinking seriously about sharing your lives.
Those things don't go away, no matter what you do and they have brought many relationships to their knees.
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Wallie1337
recently joined
Reged: 12/04/08
Posts: 22
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I know Im not one to talk??? lol...
However I fell in love with my EX within the first month. It was rediculous. We clicked like it was a script from a movie. And the only thing that brought our marriage to an end was exterior circumstances. She was very procrastinating which caused our business to go under, overdraft her checking acct twice for a combined $1400, obviously there is more but it wasn't because of cheating or lying. However I did become an big jerk after I noticed a reoccurring theme. However it was just really bad habits that caused a circular effect on our relationship...
Now that we are divorced. We are best friends... We don't have to deal with each other others "irresponsibilities" and get along GREAT !!! Its the best relationship in my life (excluding my son)
So yeah, you could be in love. Deal with it... and more importantly.... Enjoy it =.)
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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This is a difficult questions. Only thing I can say, if you have kids, stay away from marriage for a while may be another 1.5 years. What you are saying happened with me, soul mate and destiny everything came ot mind, we got married pretty quickly, but as soon as we moved in, porblems started and even after three years I am looking for the man I fell in love with so deeply, he is not there. Dr. Laura says it takes 18 months to see true color of a person, in my case she was right on the mark, it did take 18 months for him to come out, once he was out with his true behaviour that was the person he stayed since then. So let new romance heat cool off little before making any major decision.
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Bobby44
recently joined
Reged: 07/07/09
Posts: 2
Loc: Midwestern US
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I recently joined this forum and reading the posts is really helping me. I am currently in a relationship where I think I am "in love". However, my divorce is not final yet. I feel we moved pretty fast and am starting to wonder if I am making the right decision. I would like to step back and cool the relationship yet don't want to end it completely. I just wonder how to handle a new relationship when you are still trying to deal with the end of your marriage and how it affects you and your kids. I dont feel like I have the energy to handle all of it right now. Any advice?
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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I don't want to genralized, but if you have kids please spare them at this point. I am speaking from my very painful experince. My children were going through their parents divorce and new guy stepped in, who was like Santa Clause, becuase he wanted me very badly. I and my children were sold in a minute. We got married quickly after my divorce, but as soon as we moved in together, he wanted to discipline them, he found all kind of problems with them then with me, not fixing it for him. He insulted their dad on their face, saying you live under my roof, your god damn dad doesn't pay for it, (but their mtoher was, didn't count). His mother lived with us as well, which was like insult to an injury. Anyway bottom line is your children have two parents whether they are divorced or not, new guy can try all he wants, he may not be able to erase their love for their father, then jalousy comes, and punishment. Again it depends on how mature guy is, but this suggetion is from a broken heart person, please don't put your children through this, until they are whole in few years. I didn't lsiten this advice of my friends and family, I was so much in love, and today after lsoing everything, I realised they were right. If you can mange your life financially, keep it separate until kids are grown. I know how love makes us feel, how we see everything good in a person, but none of know how this person will behave when he is put under pressure of blended family, and that will not be his fault either.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]I know Im not one to talk??? lol...
However I fell in love with my EX within the first month. It was rediculous. We clicked like it was a script from a movie. And the only thing that brought our marriage to an end was exterior circumstances. She was very procrastinating which caused our business to go under, overdraft her checking acct twice for a combined $1400, obviously [/quote]
Those aren't "exterior" influences
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gsabas
recently joined
Reged: 02/16/09
Posts: 24
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Well Lady i am so happy for you that you find love once again.
Why you are analyzing it so much just enjoy this flush of love.
You both do not seem to be in hurry so gradually let your relationship grow.
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Ideal Gifts for all occasions: Bobblehead
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dree
recently joined
Reged: 07/15/09
Posts: 22
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I agree with BeachBabeRN, there is no set amount of time that you have to be with someone before you fall in love. The question is is it a lasting love. I would definitely give the relationship a LOT more time before coming to that conclusion.
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Finally getting back in the dating game..Please join me..
[censored]://www.clicky.me/realsingles
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timbuktu
journeyman
Reged: 09/26/09
Posts: 77
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How bout on the first DATE?? UGH!!!
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