AnnieJayne
recently joined
Reged: 09/10/08
Posts: 6
|
|
I'm not divorced yet. My husband decided to leave right before Thanksgiving last year (after being married for 13 1/2 years), but he has yet to actually file for divorce. He is active in the childrens' lives and he has been paying what he believes will be close to what he'll pay in child support once its ordered. My problem is this - he hasn't filed. Since he hasn't filed I'm in a state of limbo. He was the primary breadwinner; I worked freelance around his schedule so that we wouldn't have to put the kids in daycare. Now he's taken that income (all but the bit he figures will be child support) away with him and he's saying I just need to get a better job. He's never liked my job because its in theatre and it doesn't pay well, but its what I've been doing since I was 12. I've been actually working professionally since '96 and I've got a degree in my field. The problem is, my work is very specific and the opportunities are scarce where I am now. I'm not getting any sort of spousal support from him and he's stated that he doesn't feel he's obligated to pay any. I need to find a better job to support my children. I've worked in theatre for so long that I don't have your usual marketable office skills, and I've been working consistently in the theatre, it just doesn't pay well. I've found several job opportunites in my field in other parts of the country. We're talking about full-time, permanent theatre jobs that will actually raise me back up above the poverty line if I can get them. The problem - I mentioned the possibility of getting a job out of state and he said that he wouldn't allow it. Period. This is a man who hasn't even filed for divorce yet; many of my friends think that this is because once he does he may have to pay spousal support while the divorce proceedings are going on. He says he just can't afford it. I don't know. Either way, I don't really want to take the kids away from their father. He's a good dad, but I'm struggling to make ends meet and the opportunity for a real improvement in my and my childrens' quality of life is right around the corner, but several states away. I've had interest in my resume, but he says he won't allow it. I even suggested he move to the new locale and he scoffed at me. I just don't know what to do. I'm waiting for a check before I can get my own lawyer and he says he can't afford one. Can he really forbid me to move to make a better life for the kids? Do I have to give up my already established career and get a corporate gig because he left me but he doesn't want to be away from the kids? I'm lost and confused. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
|
googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 10207
|
|
What state do you live in ?
--------------------
Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
|
AnnieJayne
recently joined
Reged: 09/10/08
Posts: 6
|
|
I'm in Texas.
|
googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 10207
|
|
Time to wake up , in Texas spousal support MAY be ordered in a marriage of at least 10 years but only for a limited duration ( 36 months ) . Relocation with the kids is tricky and not recommended until the divorce is final with approval of the court ( if you move pre-divorce he can file and request the childrn be returned to Texas until custody is decided ) . Joint custody ( co-managing conservatorship ) seems to be the norm these days and geographic restrictions where the children can live can be ordered . Texas courts will consider the following factors in deciding whether relocation is allowed : reasons for and against the move; education, health, and leisure opportunities; accommodation of special needs or talents of the children; effect on extended family relationships; effect on visitation and communication with the noncustodial parent; the noncustodial parent's ability to relocate; parent's good faith in requesting the move; continuation of a meaningful relationship with the noncustodial parent; economic, emotional, and education enhancement for the children and the custodial parent; effect on extended family relationships; employment and education opportunities of the parents; the ages of the children; community ties; health and educational needs of the children.
--------------------
Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
|
AnnieJayne
recently joined
Reged: 09/10/08
Posts: 6
|
|
Thanks for the inof. Re: spousal support - that's the thing. I can't rely on spousal support. I need to be able to support myself and the kids. My work is very specific; I've been freelancing in my area which is fine as a supplemental income but not as an only income. The opportunities in my area are sparse for the kind of hours and pay that I need to get to do this on my own. When I look at jobs in other fields, I can't find one that will pay much more than minimum wage and the hours almost always include nights and weekends which I can't do because I can't afford a sitter. I worked all summer long, several shows at the same time, taking the kids to work with me every day and couldn't make ends meet. The STBX's suggestion when I asked for help was "Get a different job." I explained to him that a full-time job in the summer would equal full time day care for 2 kids and I'd make less than I'm making now (probably about $200 a month after child care expenses - that's before rent and utilities!). He said "Find cheaper day care." The man cares for his kids, I know he does, and he wants them in his life, but at the expense of keeping them and me under the poverty line? That's what I'm just not sure he has the right to do. If I could find a job here in town in my field that was full-time and the hours that I need, I would jump at it. I don't want to take them from their dad, but I don't know what choice I have without more support from him. That's why I posted; I just don't know what else to do.
|
jaiye
old hand
Reged: 10/27/05
Posts: 860
|
|
Annie
have you checked your states child support calculator? Plug in the numbers? Most likely he will be ordered to pay a % of the childcare also unless it is included in TX. He could have to pay you alimony long enough for you to retrain for a career you can actually support yourself with in the area you live. In most cases they are not going to let you remove the children so your only other option would be for you to let you STBX have primary placement and you can move anywhere you want but expect to pay CS to him.
You really need to get a consult with an attorney. Most of them give a free first time consult. It doesn't sound like you even know what he should be paying in child support. Do you know what his income is? I am willing to bet he should be paying more than he is currently paying. In many states child support is also determined by the number of overnights he has with the kids and if he has 50/50 parenting time which I am betting he doesn't. Many other factors to look at too such as in addition to CS there would be other expenses such as uncovered medical expenses and extra curricular activities which can be ordered by a percentage determined by income shares. Not to even mention the sooner you file for divorce the sooner the assets will be divided. You are doing yourself a great dis-service by sitting back and letting him be in control. If you know the marriage can not be saved you need to go ahead and file. The way it is now he could be cashing in on assets such as retirement accounts without your knowledge. Filing for the divorce should freeze those assets.
|
AnnieJayne
recently joined
Reged: 09/10/08
Posts: 6
|
|
You're right; if I had the money to file right now, I would. I'm waiting for a check that is supposed to come this month. All my income right now is going to rent, utilities and gas. Luckily, we're now eligible for food stamps and I got that recently so we at least have food on the table. This marriage is not saveable. I said we should go to counseling, he said "I should move out" and that was that. End of story.I've applied for free legal aid and qualify, but they're too swamped to help. I did have a free phone consultation with the attorney that I'll probably be using, but now I have to wait. I hate it, but's where I am right now.If a judge says I can't take the kids with me, then I'm not going. Period. I can't leave my children. If I get the job I'm a candidate for, they'd have almost free college tuition and so would I. Plus, again, I'd actually be able to support us on what I make doing what I love to do aand what I have 25 years of experience doing. As per the assets - yeah. He doesn't have any retirement funds. Somehow though, he does have enough money to buy an Xbox360, Guitar Hero III, Rock Band, and go to gaming conventions. I know the money that he swears he doesn't have is there, he's just not using it on the important stuff. Thank you again for the info. I know I need to file because he won't, and as soon as I am financially able, I will.
|
jlk
newbie
Reged: 01/08/07
Posts: 43
|
|
I don't think it costs much at all to just file the divorce papers and get the process started. You can do that yourself for now and hire the attorney to sort out the details once you receive the check. If for no other reason, it might set a precedent for him to see that you won't be a doormat.
|
DEFather
member
Reged: 10/26/07
Posts: 157
|
|
These Kf are also known troll posters.
|
AnnieJayne
recently joined
Reged: 09/10/08
Posts: 6
|
|
I'm not a troll; I'm a real person with a real question. I'm sorry I don't live on the board. I've been busy trying to support my family.
An update:
After nearly 11 months of my ex making no move to file (even though he moved out of the house), I finally got the check I was waiting for, hired an attorney, and filed myself. We're in process now. Thank you for the info from everyone who commented.
Edited by AnnieJayne (10/22/08 08:33 AM)
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
