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djhjvlh
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Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse
      #521680 - 04/10/09 11:28 AM

I caught my wife having cheating with 2 other guys on the internet, planning to meet up with one of them, i thought something was going on for a few weeks but put it to the back of my mind as i trusted my wife and thought we had a great 6 year marrage, but when the phone rang she ran to it and startedt to go outside with it she has never done this in our 7 years od being together. She would spend more and more time on the internet, ignoring our 5 year old son and instead be typing away to who knows, i would walk into the room and as soon as i entered she would click the screen off. She told me that the guy who lives in the house behind me asked her to go over one afternoon for some fun. The next day i see her standing at the window with just a bra on rubbing herself and the curtains open (my wife never has the curtains open as she likes the darkness) i asked her what she was doing and she said applying lotion.
Over the pst few weeks she has been going out more and more on a friday and saturday night with her friends, i went to work on the sunday and a friend of mine come up and told me she is posting weird things on her facebook he showed me one saying (i am proud to be a MILF) if you dont know MILF means Mother Id Like to F..k. I asked her about it and she told me it was one of her 15 year old sons friends that said it to her.
I then had to go on her hotmail to get my friends e mail address, and found a e mail to a guy saying she tried to call him and not to phone her back as didnt want husband to know, he replied to her saying he wanted to come and see her and cannot wait to hang out with her, also calling her beautiful and saying he would talk to her tomorrow. at this point i asked her what was happening and she said he was just a friend. i asked her to move out of the bedroom and she wouldnt so i threw her things into the spare room and closed the locked our bedroom door, she in a rage tried to kick the door in causing the door to come off the hinges.
the week went on with us rowing and i offered to move out so she could have everything, she declined and stayed. Two more things, while moving her things out of the bedroom i seen she had all new sex underware, for the last 3 years i have only ever seen my wife in granny panties, i also found condoms in her drawer, my wife and i NEVER use condoms, so i am guessing they was not for my use. The next night i thought we was moving on and trying to get back together so we made love, right after we made love she looked me into the eyes and said THAT MENT NOTHING TO ME. I had to contact the bank, it was then that i found out that over $4500 was missing from the joint account, i asked her about it and she said she took it, i asked her what she had done with it and she said she paid the bills.
I siad to her tuesday morning that i needed the camera left out so i could sell my things on e bay (star wars figures) as i didnt want them no more, along with other things i did not use and told her i would be late home as i had to sort out somethings (pay bills and go to the bank to sort out the mess she had left it in. I went to work on tuesday and she phoned me at work, she said was i going to see a lawyer, i said i was going to see one to see about the situation we was in (i love my wife and always wanted to work things out with her so there was no way i wanted a divorce) she then said you will regert it if you carry on and see the lawyer, i said why are you threating me what to she replied YOU WILL BE SORRY i said goodbye and put the phone down. I returned home to find things missing, the laptop was gone along with the tv ps3 computer and the doors was open. I thought someone had stole the property and phoned the police. they came around and it was then i found my wifes wedding ring along with her clothes missing and all of my sons clothes gone too. i phoned my lawyer and he told me to get the police again to file a report, what i did. I changed the locks as i was scared that i would come home from work the next day to find everything else missing from the house. She didnt even let me know where she was, no note or anything, i phoned her friends and family but no one knew.
Wednesday i went to work, she knew i worked from 7 to 3 and she left 4 messages on the answer phone.
1 david i need to come to pick some things up
2 was my 5 year old son, daddy dont call the police i love you daddy
3 was my wife, Josh misses you and he wants to see you so please phone me back.
4 my wife again, okay if you dont want to see your son i will tell him daddy does not want to see him.
She has a new cell phone amd i do not know the number, when she phones my house it comes up with UNKNOWN NAME UNKNOWEN NUMBER on caller ID so i do not know how she expects me to phone her back.
I went to work on thursday, and my wife phoned to see what time i finished work, one of my co workers told her i finished at 3pm, i thought great she is going to bring Josh to see me and spend sometime with me, i was so excited and rushed home. when i got there a sheriff follwed me in and served me with papers.
The papers was PETITION FOR TEMPORARY PROTECTIVE ORDER In the order she says throughout our 6 year marrage i havehurt her, tried to hurt her, threatened me, hit her, slapped her, choked me, choked her several times causing her to fear for her life and the safty of our child. I couldnt believe it, i broke down and couldnt believe her lies. the order also states that i cannot have no contact with my son untill it goes to court on 11th may 2009. It is breaking my heart knowing that my little boy is missing his daddy, he is a daddys boy as i did most things with him wihile the wife fed his mcdonalds, burgerking, pizza, and fried chicken most days, while i was playing with him she was always on the computer or on the telephone with her friends.
When we 1st got together my wife told me that her ex husband used to abuse her, she told me the father of her 1st son abused her too, along with years ago her fater abused her and also her papa abused her.
My wife has i history of mental illness, she was put into a mental institution by her fater when she was in her late teens, after she had our son she treated him real badly and it was called post natal depresion, along with a breakdown, also last year she had to go and see a mental illness doctor.
I just do not know what to do, i contacted a lawyer and he told me she has the upper hand as most judges believe the wife in cases like this.
If anyone knows what or can give me advice on how to prove she is lying, anything even a percent of even seeing my child again please let me now.
Many thanks
David

Please forgive me for spelling, at the moment i am in such a mess


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Misslisa1017
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #521687 - 04/10/09 12:05 PM

You need to get yourself a lawyer and fast.

Like yesterday. With good counsel you can more than likely show that she's just trying to make you look bad.

Do you have proof that she's been online fooling around?

Printed any of that out? See, my son as soon as he saw his ex doing all that stuff, he prints it all out ASAP, just in case he's going to need it at a later date.

You always have to think in terms of CYA

His ex ran out of town, and he KNEW she was going to do so. Just a hunch. She was sneaky.

Good luck. I hope you have witnesses. You are going to need em.


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djhjvlh
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: Misslisa1017]
      #521689 - 04/10/09 12:14 PM

I have printouts of where she was going to meet up with this guy, i also have a poem that she wrote last week, now i know the poem is not about me because we was still arguing about it. I have contacted 3 lawyers, one said to retain him is $1000 and to be honest the courts always believe the women in these cases. I am sure she can provided witnesses to lie for her in court saying i beat her up / slapped her as she has alot of friends in this area, i am from the united kingdom and she was raised here in Georgia USA. The only witnesses i could provide is charicter witnesses, but i am not sure if that would help. I could ask her father to stand in court, we lived with him for 18 months while getting on our feet here in the usa, he seen me walk out because we was arguing and even after begging my wife to leave me alone she wouldnt, he also witnessed her kicking the door in, breaking the hinges on the door trying to get to me after i found out about her cheating, but would he stand up in court and say these things? i dont know?
Many thanks for helping me any advice is welcomed


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javajunkiee
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #521706 - 04/10/09 12:52 PM

Did you show the lawyer the emails and other info? Is he willing to at least TRY to fight this rather than have a defeatist attitude? You need a lawyer who can show her up for the conniving wench she is. You need proof of her mental instability. You also need to follow that RO to the *letter*. Its not fair, but follow it exactly or your situation can get worse. You need an aggressive lawyer and you need him/her yesterday.

Oh, and I wouldn't count on her dad for anything. Blood is thicker than water, and you don't know what story she's feeding everyone. Journal everything thats happened and has been said while its fresh in your mind so if you need to refer back to it months down the road, you can do it accurately.

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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.


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djhjvlh
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: javajunkiee]
      #521716 - 04/10/09 02:24 PM

I did not have time to see a lawyer, i was served the papers on thursday at 4pm, i tried to call and get lawyers to see me but they are all not working untill monday, the lawyer that i spoke to on the telephone told me 97% of the time they believe the wife. I do not know what else to to, i have made copies of all that i can, even have a bokk that her father wrote saying and i quote (she was attacked by an evil spirit, i kept praying for god to deliver her, she experienced severe anxiety attacks and became hypochondriac) I wish i could get hold of her Drs records to prove that she has been into a mental institution, had sevear post natal depresion and had to see a psychiatric doctor.

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finz
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #521734 - 04/10/09 03:26 PM

You have time to see a lawyer before your court date May 11th. You need to do that.

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djhjvlh
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: finz]
      #521756 - 04/10/09 04:31 PM

I will, i have 2 appointments for Monday.
Can i just thank everyone in here for all your advice, you have helped me so much.
If anyone else has anything else it would be great.
Again many thanks


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Yes_Dad
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #521859 - 04/11/09 05:36 AM

A PO is standard operating procedure for women in divorce these days

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djhjvlh
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: Yes_Dad]
      #522021 - 04/11/09 10:02 PM

I also forgot to say she is doing this all by herself Pro Se

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djhjvlh
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #522080 - 04/12/09 12:38 PM

many thanks

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djhjvlh
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #522083 - 04/12/09 12:54 PM

The thing is i still love my wife with all my heart and i do not want to hurt her more with bringing up the past, but i need to see my son. catch 22 situation.

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Yes_Dad
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #522099 - 04/12/09 02:24 PM

Quote:

I also forgot to say she is doing this all by herself Pro Se




She is being coached, probably by a friend or her boyfriend. Few people, with little to no family court experience would know to do this. Think if she has any divorced friends. My bet is that one also had a RO issued against her ex.


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mrjtthomas
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: djhjvlh]
      #526045 - 04/25/09 01:06 AM

You might not like what I have to share, but, at this moment, you are going to have to be patient and level-headed. You have stated some powerful things. One, you wife is unstable; so if you love your son, you now have to be stable. Two unstable parents cannot raise a son. You have been given a moment to look inside yourself to see how much you love yourself. Once you determine that you can love yourself, you will gain the strength to move forward a day at a time. I know you are worried about your son, but you will teach him by example. If you remain a good father, nothing that the mother says about you will impact him. One day, if she spread lies, he will learn the truth, and her deceit will backfire on her. Now, if you still love your wife, you cannot be overly emotional to her. She knows she is wrong. As you stated before, the protection order is her strategy to get things under control for her advantage. She will have to surface with your son. If she is a good mother, she will be pre-occuppied with taking care her of him and finding some stability. Right now, she is in a chaotic state. She can't be worth anything to a real man at this stage. Again, if you love her, you do not want to push her to pursue the divorce, because if she fears you she might do that sensing she has no other recourse. At some point, if she is pressured, she will pursue the divorce to maintain control. She has pride whether she has engaged in an emotional or physical affair. So, you must seek stablilty in the midst of this storm. Some seek prayer during this time and religious and professional counsel. I encourage you to do the same. In many churches there are marriage counselors and support groups. In these groups, there are many women going through divorce. You will learn a lot from them and gain strength. And if you gain strength and led by example, you will win back your family if this is your heart's desire.

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Concerned_Dad
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Re: Caught wife cheating now she acuses me with abuse [Re: mrjtthomas]
      #740540 - 04/10/11 08:43 PM

Those orders of protection really have to be stopped or at least amended. It seems to be the divorced wifes play book now that the first thing to do is obtain an O.P. Then accuse of abuse and or drugs and alcohol. I'm sure there are women out there that legitimately need an order of protection but I'm sure they are abused much more than not.
I realize that it's often difficult for anyone to prove abuse when it happens behind closed doors but it's considerably harder (especially for a husband) to prove that abuse DIDN'T happen. I mean how do you prove that something that never happened never happened.
Though I do think that judges are seeing this all the time now and they can often tell when it's all a facade. Luckily I had a great judge and he saw my ex's lies right away.


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