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royce
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 155
Re: Is it possible to love him again? [Re: Fab]
      #189300 - 01/20/07 10:42 AM

I know I need to leave him. But I am unemployed, my family live in another country, and I am ashamed to tell them the truth.

are there any DV shelters in the country where you live?...if so i would strongly urge you to get into one and leave this person behind before he does some really serious injury to you( im not telling you something you already don't know,just stressing the point)...It is i think not a matter of if but when.

I am ashamed to tell them the truth.

There is no shame in looking after yourself and after all said and done you are very much the "victim" here. I make no excuse that I am all for saving relationships in ordinary circumstances (if and when they can be saved) but in my long experience with abusers i know that the abuser rarely gets help with their problem and when they do success in quiting the abuse is limited and eludes the majority of them.


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Fab
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Reged: 11/08/06
Posts: 37
Re: Is it possible to love him again? [Re: royce]
      #192064 - 01/26/07 08:32 AM

Thank you all for your help. I live in Texas, I moved to US 2 years ago.

I started therapy, hopefully it will help me build my confidence, so I can do what I have to. Also I was offered a job, starting next month. That will help.

It's funny how he doesn't even think that I could leave. He bought me a car, in a lack of a better way to say it, as I will pay for the car once I start working. The point is that I am free to go wherever I want now.

I will open a bank account for myself, and I'll keep the card hidden, as he took my credit card before to control me.

I still dream of having a healthy relationship. I just don't think he can give me that. It's just a matter of time now. Still, it hurts.


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GeorgiaPeach
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Reged: 02/09/07
Posts: 31
Re: Is it possible to love him again? [Re: Fab]
      #197854 - 02/09/07 03:06 PM

When my first husband and I were in our first years of marriage, it was very difficult to understand the angry man he was. He was so different from the man I dated. After many shouting contests and threats to leave him, he finally began going to counseling and to church. Both of those helped straighten him out when I could not. It took some time, but he changed. Really changed and I began to love him again. After his passing(1999)and my remarriage (2004, new man, new problems), I realized I did the right thing to give myself the patience and him the chance to change. I miss the man my first husband became. It doesn't always work out that way for all couples. My answer to your question, YES, it's possible. You say he's in therapy. How long has he been going? Have you noticed any small positive changes? Those were an indication my husband was starting to get better. Shohn and I were fortuate in our marriages. I hope you will be too. Good luck.

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Fab
newbie


Reged: 11/08/06
Posts: 37
Re: Is it possible to love him again? [Re: GeorgiaPeach]
      #201308 - 02/20/07 08:28 AM

More than a month has passed since he battered me. Yes, I noticed small changes in his behavior. He is giving me the space I need to feel less scared. He still has anger outbursts, but they are not developing to violence (not yet, the last time I had a break of three months).
I decided to stay around for one more year, as he’s really committed to change. I am focusing on myself now. My happiness. Sometimes, I wish I could forgive him. But I am afraid that if I do so, and things go back to “normal”, he will feel secure to install his control game again. I am giving him another chance, he probably doesn’t deserve it, but here I am. I really hope that he can gain my trust back. Time will tell.


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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
Re: Is it possible to love him again? [Re: Fab]
      #204668 - 02/28/07 09:55 AM

Fab, first you said you have no friends since moving to Texas, but in another post you said he abused you and you called a friend and slept on her couch 2 nights. Which is it? Friends or no friends?

--------------------
Eternity is too long to be wrong.


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Fab
newbie


Reged: 11/08/06
Posts: 37
Re: Is it possible to love him again? [Re: Avaya]
      #204675 - 02/28/07 10:45 AM

I didn't have a friend when I first got here. Then I met this wonderful woman, she is the wife of my husband's friend. It doesn't matter now. I gave up. But thank you for reading.

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