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kip
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Reged: 02/12/07
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saving my marriage
      #198607 - 02/12/07 08:15 PM

My beautiful wife has filed for a divorce, I have not been served yet. We have two beautiful daughters 11 and 12. I have never physically abused her and no infidelity, I have though negelected and taken her for granted. Married 23 years. She refused my request for counciling, I'm going to go anyway, I will ask her again. I'm living in the house with her until we see the judge, I don't want to abandon. Will/can the judge demand see gets counciling before he grants the divorce? THIS IS HE!!
Thanks, Kip


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Curmudgeon
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: kip]
      #198648 - 02/12/07 10:58 PM

Tough times. No doubt about it. What the judge can and/or will order is dependent upon your state's laws. I suggest you try to get a free consultation from an attorney to learn your options. If your wife is totally serious then divorce may be inevitable but going to counseling yourself may turn the tide because your wife will see that you're serious about trying to save the marriage. If it doesn't help fix things it will at least give you some coping skills that will be valuable.

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I_am_Jack
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: Curmudgeon]
      #198658 - 02/13/07 12:47 AM

Coping skills are a necessity.

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Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras


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GeorgiaPeach
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Reged: 02/09/07
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: I_am_Jack]
      #198715 - 02/13/07 09:59 AM

You haven't said your wife's reasons for leaving. What are they?

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asurvivor
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: GeorgiaPeach]
      #198749 - 02/13/07 12:10 PM

He didn't say she left! They are still living in the house.

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GeorgiaPeach
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: asurvivor]
      #198800 - 02/13/07 01:51 PM

Excuse me. Permit me to rephrase the question: what are her reasons for wanting a divorce?

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Gecko
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: kip]
      #198808 - 02/13/07 02:05 PM

Will/can the judge demand see gets counciling before he grants the divorce?

---> If ya'll were getting a divorce in Canada the Judge (or whatever they call them up there) would, but NOT in the US.

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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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sally1234
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: Gecko]
      #198813 - 02/13/07 02:09 PM

Why she's leaving is an important part of this discussion is it not?

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kip
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: GeorgiaPeach]
      #198821 - 02/13/07 02:25 PM

ok reasons for wanting to leaving, she hasn't told me but i know what they are. i'll just put them out here with no excuses.
1.no sex for about 9 months.
2.haven't slept in the same bed for 10 years.
3.sometimes i wouldn't bathe for 4 days.
4.we both have bad tempers.
5.and she is the main bread winner in the family.
pretty bad, huh? i'm doomed.
here's some excuses.
my daughters are atheletes, ones in olympic training. i was spending all my time and money on them, hurt my business especially the traveling to tournaments and training camps. Running my own business, taking all care of the kids, plus the house and cars. i'm a fool. and i know any of you that have been around this divorce stuff for a while are gonna hit the ceiling when i say i would change all this, alot of people on the loosingend say that from what i've seen. i'm tired i haven't slept in a weak and i'm hardly eating. thanks, kip


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Debbie_L
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: kip]
      #198902 - 02/13/07 03:39 PM

"1.no sex for about 9 months.
2.haven't slept in the same bed for 10 years.
3.sometimes i wouldn't bathe for 4 days.
4.we both have bad tempers.
5.and she is the main bread winner in the family."

Is this for real? Personally, I would have been out the door for #1 alone - but then I'm pretty sexed up, lol. #2 - do you snore or something? #3 - that's just gross


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GeorgiaPeach
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Reged: 02/09/07
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: Debbie_L]
      #198914 - 02/13/07 03:52 PM

Oh my, those are circumstances with which I have no experience. I can be of no help here. I will leave you to the others. I do wish you well and good luck.

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Curmudgeon
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Some questions, Kip... [Re: GeorgiaPeach]
      #199027 - 02/13/07 08:27 PM

My first question would be, have you explored any possible medical reasons for the lack of sex? Also, could you have sleep apnea which causes you to snore loudly or restless leg syndrome (RLS), either or both of which would not make you a good bed mate overnight?

As for the bathing issue, I think you already know that's simply slothful.

The money issue could also be huge. Add that to the mix as well as your concentration on your daughters and you've hit all of the Big Three reasons marriages run into trouble and fail -- sex, money and children!


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shohn
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: Debbie_L]
      #203664 - 02/24/07 10:12 PM

Hrmm - I'd stop doing all the stuff immediately. You've got plenty of time to save this thing especially if you two are still in the same roof - I don't care if she won't go to counseling right now or not. My wife wouldn't go either and I know plenty of people who were in this situation and eventually their spouse started going to counseling. It can definitely be done - it is hell, but you'll come out one heck of a better person if you really work at it and so will your marriage.

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sdefrain
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Re: saving my marriage [Re: Debbie_L]
      #203996 - 02/26/07 08:47 AM

I know exactly what you are going through only my husband hasn't filed yet we are just discussing it. We are just too busy with the kids and don't take time for us. I think he is more guilty of it than me but he thinks differently. I want to go to counseling and he says it won't work anyway. I feel that once their mind is made up it is hard to change it. At least in my case anyways. It takes both of you to want to change things. I know the lawyers try to see if there is anything else that can be done before the divorce. At least the lawyer did that I went to see. I don't know about the judges. It probably depends on the laws in the state that you live in. Good luck.

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