lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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My son, J, turned 13 on the 21st. The CO says that his dad gets him for half his birthday. We ended up having ex get J from 6pm the 20th until 1pm the 21st. Then we picked him up and took him to our party for him. J seemed alittle upset so I asked him if there was something he needed to talk about.
Well J had been excited about his birthday at his dad's this year. The last 3 years they have bought his brothers ice cream cakes and woke them all up at midnight to eat it since thats when the birthday started. Then later that day the brothers get a party. this has never been done for J but dad promised it would be differant this year because he has shared custody now.
Well J stayed up waiting for his ice cream cake. He got nothing!! Then before bringing J home his stepmom served THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE cupcakes for his cake. no party! No ice cream cake! Thomas the tank engine cakes! She said they were marked down and she figured J wouldn't mind since he gets a party here. J didn't even get the Thomas cake!!
well when we get there to meet J's dad I could tell J was upset right away. I saw him say something to ex but didn't hear because I leave my windows up. when J told me why he was upset he said "mom don't get mad but I spoke to a adult mean. Before I got in our van I told my dad that I don't want a cake next year because I never liked stupid thomas and don't now. I told him that T (stepmom) is a witch and I hate her and will not call her mom anymore"
Well last night his dad calls. He was making sure that we were meeting for the wendsday night visit. (BTW CO says he can not call here but he has 3 times in the last week). J gets on the phone with his dad and tells his dad "Of course I'm coming because my mom doesn't lie and she said I will be there." Ex asks to speak to me. He says "A I know J is upset. I don't know what to say to him. T said she would take care of getting the cake and I didn't know she got thomas. We got in a big arguement about it." My reply is "don't tell me, tell our son." I put J back on the phone.
When J gets off the phone he says "dad said he is sorry and it won'yt happen again and I told him yes it will as long as I have a evil stepmom. I told him I'm tired of them not loving me like my brothers but I don't need their love because my mom will always love me enough." I gave him a big hug and said "Yes I will always love you enough and your dad loves you too. I guess it's harder for him to show you because you aren't always there but never think your dad does not love you."
I am soo glad my son knows how much I love him but I hate that he feels his dad don't love him.
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Spring
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 7972
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Well, that friggen bites!! Was this an over sight or just an uncaring woman?
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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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Poor kid....
(((J)))
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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arvm
journeyman
Reged: 05/05/07
Posts: 88
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Ahh man, that really sucks. Poor guy. I hope his birthday got better. How frustrating. At least your X realizes he did something wrong. I guess that could be considered a step in the right direction.
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saourgirlt
journeyman
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 85
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awww man sorry to hear..there is nothing like seeing a kid's dissapointed face. I have a evil step mom in my life too, except she is the show you one up kind of gal..she would have taken a second mortgage out to get thomas the train there himself..lol.
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arvm
journeyman
Reged: 05/05/07
Posts: 88
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Sounds like my Brother's X (that he still lives with)
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mommynurse
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/26/05
Posts: 4386
Loc: Indiana
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He turned 13 and not 3, right? At least she could've gotten him some grown up cupcakes!!
I go thru the same thing with XH and SM. Their joint kids are still really young and they get huge birthdays every year while my kids just get a card with $20 and no cake. It doesn't bother DS10 at all, but DD15 always mentions it.
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Handed lemons? Find someone else who was handed Vodka and have a party--Ron White
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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First, why is the kid even in the ROOM when you and he are speaking about parenting time? Sorry, he might be a bad Dad, she might be an evil stepmom, but that is even MORE reason to keep him out of it.
Second, Dads response seems to be REASONABLE, it was a mistake, he sent SM to get the cake, she blew it (whether on purpose or on accident), he SEEMS to want to rectify it, why wouldn't you CORRECT the child for being mad at Dad, because he was most likely WORKING to pay SUPPORT when the cake was bought?
I am NOT defending him, just asking why you immediately placed the blame on Dad, and then seemed to SUPPORT the child's ager and hatred? There are going to be people who do thoughtless things in life, we have to teach our kids to get past it.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Spring
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 7972
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You now...I was just thinking about BM missing SD16's birthdays...she has not celebrated a birthday for her since her 10th birthday. For SD's 11th birthday, she was still living with BM...and BM told her she was bad and couldn't have a birthday...and she hasn't had one with her since.
Evil people
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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"The last 3 years THEY have bought his brothers ice cream cakes and woke them all up at midnight to eat it since thats when the birthday started. [...] but DAD promised it would be differant this year because he has shared custody now."
Okay, so I added the above emphasis, but now y'all got me defending a smom?? What's up with that... here I go anyway... so, if THEY, meaning bf and sm, usually buy the cake, DAD is the one who promised, why is the thread called EVIL SM? Sure she, doesn't sound too bright for trying to serve a 13yr old Thomas cupcake, but seriously, why wasn't dad involved in this? Surely, dad does have enough time off from work to buy a freaking ice cream cake for his kid? It just seems that his anger is misplaced on sm... which is why I am a big proponent of letting bioparents be...the parents... it's dad's kid on dad's time, why wasn't he at least WITH sm to buy the cake? Isn't that kind of stuff the fun of parenting, picking out bday cakes, planning the surprise...too bad dad didn't "get it"...
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JRS
old hand
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 827
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I agree with Sherron - I just knew I couldn't say it without messing it up :) You said that very well!
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JRS
old hand
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 827
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and re-reading it I'm now questioning dad's statement that things would be different now that he has shared custody... what is that all about? Surely custody status doesn't effect what he will and will not do for his son? barring of course that you didn't have a RO or something of the sort...?
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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All stepmoms are evil.
*snicker*
Seriously though...she did NOT buy him Thomas the Tank cupcakes *gasp*??!? Talk about a crappy thing to do. Jeez, this year for SS's 14th birthday he got an awesome chocolate cake drizzled with strawberry sauce...maybe she just needs some Stepmom lessons...or maybe she should just move out of the way.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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The age old question is not "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"
Its "Is dad not involved because the SM is, or is the SM involved because dad isn't?"
Just a general question, not necessarily pertaining to a single birthday cake incident, since apparently dad does seem to be very caring about his sons hurt feelings.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"Jeez, this year for SS's 14th birthday he got an awesome chocolate cake drizzled with strawberry sauce..."
stupid sm... is should have been a cake decorated with strawberry shortcake...when will you learn, seriously...
http://www.agkidzone.com/strawberryshortcake.action
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I don't know. I do birthday cakes - for ALL the kids. I get that Dad was supposed to be responsible, blah, blah, but GEEZ. He trusted his wife to not a be a total bytch and he was wrong. I'd still call this thread "evilSM" That stupid bytch CLEARLY knows how to have an exciting birthday for a kid (as evidenced by what she does for HER kids) and after having the kid participate in the ritual for her kids didn't do for this kid, when they clearly had the opportunity? And was pretending to be a huge dumbarse about Thomas the Tank Engine for a 13 year old? Nobody is that effing dumb. I feel sorry for Dad (not as much as the kid obviously, but still). He either has to live with this witch as an ex or sit back and keep the peace while she treats his older kid like cr@p.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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jil_stevens
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/31/06
Posts: 3893
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But still...that is totally crude and rude. I would NEVER buy SS a childish cake like that. At our house, they all choose what kind of cake they want, and then we go out to dinner at a restaurant of their choosing as well.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1755
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Boo-Hiss to the Evil SM. Maybe we can all collectively throw water on her & she'll melt away.
That was like a slap in the face to that boy. To think a 13-YO doesn't KNOW what's up?! How dumb does E-SM think he is?!! My son would be hurt too.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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saourgirlt
journeyman
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 85
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[quote]Boo-Hiss to the Evil SM. Maybe we can all collectively throw water on her & she'll melt away.
That was like a slap in the face to that boy. To think a 13-YO doesn't KNOW what's up?! How dumb does E-SM think he is?!! My son would be hurt too. [/quote]
HAHAHAHA!
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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She has been in my son's life since he was 6 1/2 monthes old. It was no oversight. She did this on purpose. She has been doing things like this for awhile now.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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Well, SM showed very poor character for sure. I bet even the weird neighbor down the street would know better than Thomas cupcakes for a 13yo. I have no boys and even *I* know better.
Sorry LMK, but I do think your XH needs to grow a set, also.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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KiwiGirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 6271
Loc: Plains State
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She had PMS?
I don't know about your kids but if I tried waking a 13yr old up in my house to eat cake at midnight I would get grunts and moans and told to turn out the light.
I think your ex should be responible for his son's birthday celebrations esp. if he is the one setting the tradition.
If SM was running around after other kids then maybe this was the one thing she forgot. At least she bought SOMETHING. Yes, she may be a total idiot and not very kind at that. However lay the blame at the feet of the person who should know better, his father.
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If I can't be part of the solution I insist on being most of the problem
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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Yes his birthday did get better. We had a party for him at the local park and took his tv and 360. He had a guitar hero tournament, tug of war, water balloons, touch football, and basketball at the party we threw him. He ended up with $100 and several games from people that attended. We got him 2 pairs of shorts, a tshirt, a cd, and 2 video games. Had lots of food, drinks, and a huge cake. 39 people total were there including us. He cheered up fast. Thank God!
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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Yeap he turned 13. She got thomas cupcakes because she claimed they were the only ones on clearance. Even ex admitted that they didn't need to get him clearance cupcakes and they could afford the ice cream cake.
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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-----> First, why is the kid even in the ROOM when you and he are speaking about parenting time? Sorry, he might be a bad Dad, she might be an evil stepmom, but that is even MORE reason to keep him out of it.
When did I say my son was in the room? When I get on the phone with ex my son goes to his room. I don't even have to tell him to go to his room. He just goes because that's how it has been for years.
----->Second, Dads response seems to be REASONABLE, it was a mistake, he sent SM to get the cake, she blew it (whether on purpose or on accident), he SEEMS to want to rectify it, why wouldn't you CORRECT the child for being mad at Dad, because he was most likely WORKING to pay SUPPORT when the cake was bought?
My son's dad has not worked in years. Go back and read my post. When he works its side jobs under the table. He did not pay CS for 12 1/2 years. He was ordered to start paying CS in September. He did pay september, october, November, and December. Since then he has paid nothing. Wow 4 monthes CS in 13 years!!
----->I am NOT defending him, just asking why you immediately placed the blame on Dad, and then seemed to SUPPORT the child's ager and hatred? There are going to be people who do thoughtless things in life, we have to teach our kids to get past it.
How did I say it was dad's fault? I never said that. I told my son his dad loves him. I have told him for years that his dad loves him.
Actually since Septmeber his dad has been doing alot better. He has not missed a visit and answers when J calls now. Ex spending time with J is what's important and I'm glad he finally relizes that.
It's his wife that I'm angry at. Why else would I title this thread EVIL STEPMOM? It does not say evil dad or evil ex.
Honestly my son backtalking his dad and stepmom is not my business. It's for his dad to deal with. When ex does and says things to J, J has to deal with it. Same goes when J says or does something to ex.
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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SM offered to pick up the cake on her way home from the grocery store. Instead she got the Thomas cupcakes at the grocery store. The store is 25 minutes from there house and the DQ is 2 minutes from the store. Why would ex come all the way to DQ when SM is passing it on the way back from the store?
How is it ex's fault that SM got Thomas cupcakes? She knew a 13 year old isn't into Thomas. Actually J never liked Thomas.
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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-----> Surely custody status doesn't effect what he will and will not do for his son?
Going by what ex said in court, ex says things will be differant now because he has more CO'ed visistation with J. (I always let him get him whenever) Also Now he says he can take him wherever he wants and I can't stop him. (he always took him where ever he wanted). Not sure what else ex is thinking on this subject.
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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----->Its "Is dad not involved because the SM is, or is the SM involved because dad isn't?"
Dad was not involved very much until September. SM was involved alot until about 1 1/2 years ago. Now since September it has switched and ex is involved and SM usually isn't. Apparently SM ignores her own kids and has been for awhile now so it's not only my son but she acts like she hates J now.
In this case SM offered to get the cake on her way past the DQ. Not sure if she changed her mind or if she had this planned. Either way Thomas cupcakes is just plain crazy.
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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----->I don't know about your kids but if I tried waking a 13yr old up in my house to eat cake at midnight I would get grunts and moans and told to turn out the light.
J was awake waiting for his cake.
----->I think your ex should be responible for his son's birthday celebrations esp. if he is the one setting the tradition.
Actually SM set up the tradition. She started it with their youngest son when he was 5 or 6 and continued it with all their kids excluding my son.
----->If SM was running around after other kids then maybe this was the one thing she forgot. At least she bought SOMETHING. Yes, she may be a total idiot and not very kind at that. However lay the blame at the feet of the person who should know better, his father.
SM didn't even have the kids with her. She went to the store after work. How could she forget something she does normally 5 times a year? J has 5 brothers.
If she wanted to buy something, she could have gotten plain cupcakes. Not Thoams! This was an insult. Plain and simple!
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KiwiGirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 6271
Loc: Plains State
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Come her birthday give her a gift that is totally imappropriate. A top 3 sizes too big or small comes to mind. Or some knock off perfume from Walgreens (You may strike a 2 for 1 deal!).
Revenge is a dish best served cold. And he will get his revenge one day. He may need to wait but his day will come. Although a top 4 sizes too big with a big fat reindeer on the front as a 'special' gift for Christmas comes to mind. Hell, you may even get one with flashing lights.
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If I can't be part of the solution I insist on being most of the problem
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Runswithscissors
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Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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You handled it well... poor little thing.... I know that feeling... you just want snap her head off... but you can't!
I am dreading daughter going up on Monday... it's only for 10 days..... but I still dread it... this time Gma won't be there.... she comes back for VB camp and then leaves on the 15th of a month..... ARGH!! I just keep my fingers/toes crossed.
HUGS to you and your son!! I am sorry!
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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Yeah revenge would get back at her but I don't teach my kids that. I teach them to treat others the way they want to be treated. Unfortunatly it doesn't seem like J takes that attitude with him to ex's house.
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greeneyes
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/08
Posts: 2847
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Buy her the ice cream cake and put Thomas on it!
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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----->I am dreading daughter going up on Monday... it's only for 10 days..... but I still dread it... this time Gma won't be there.... she comes back for VB camp and then leaves on the 15th of a month..... ARGH!! I just keep my fingers/toes crossed.
I will pray for your daughter. I hope all goes well.
----->HUGS to you and your son!! I am sorry!
Thank you! I am really trying to do this right but it's hard dealing with it all. I am just glad that my girls' dad isn't hard to deal with like J's dad. makes life easier!
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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-----> Buy her the ice cream cake and put Thomas on it!
LOL! At least she would end up with an ice cream cake.
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Tweeby
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Reged: 06/05/04
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Personally, I would call the SM "evil". A CARING person would know what the child would like. Buying a birthday cupcakes that are on clearance? Come on, that is totally wrong no matter WHO does it.
I DO buy clearance bake goods for the kids but NOT for a special day. I have bought some unusual cupcakes and cakes and the kids loved to laugh about it. I know NOT to do for their birthday.
If the SM does the waking up at midnight for her kids, why can't she do it for her step-son? Waking a 13 yo can be a pain and they main complain about it but deep down they know that is how it is done at that home and will be happy (not always showing it) that they are being included in the ritual.
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