d0b0vgall2020
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Reged: 05/06/09
Posts: 1334
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I make a lot more than him. I just wanted it to be over. I guess I'm weak but they were harassing the younger kids at school. He didn't play fair at all and has always refused to co-parent. period. i'm terrified of DD9 turning 12 because that's when it starts.
It took me years before I could even talk about it without crying. But it's over now and good or bad choice, i can't change it now. :(
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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 8524
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"But it has been STRONGLY recommended. "
See, that's my fear about dd16 moving to dad's... he doesn't see a purpose for a lot of the recommendations, so he just won't do it, even though it's BEST for HER... he's already told me the counseling is useless for her, he's not interested in doing family counseling with her, he won't help with transportation for her to see me, even though HE's the one who moved 5 hrs away and he knows I don't have the time or necessarily the finances to see dd on a regular basis without him helping. He doesn't want any legal paperwork in place, other than something that says he won't have to pay cs ...we would each have one child, but I'd still carry insurance on both of them... according to ex, I'm the one who wanted them on insurance, so that's my problem... in the meantime, his household will qualify for housing assistance, foodstamps, free school lunches... the works... how do I know? Because he told me... apparently, that was one of the first things he'd checked into... won't find a counselor, but he knows they'll get food stamps... sorry to be going on, but your story... is what I'm afraid of will happen... no follow through on recommendations, and very little if any parenting... :(
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d0b0vgall2020
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Reged: 05/06/09
Posts: 1334
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they sound a lot alike, honestly. especially this part:
"I'm the one who wanted her on insurance, so that's my problem"
go on all you want. I think it's a VERY legitimate concern. I knew when I sent DS there that ex thought therapy was a joke, but I took him at his word. That's my fault for believing him. The truth is it takes major effort to deal with a teen that is out of control like DS. Weekly therapy, constantly taking off work to "deal" with whatever it is he's done, visits to PO, court dates, fines, parent teacher meetings....etc. You know. I just don't think ex anticipated that. DD15 is an auto pilot child to him. She gives him no trouble and does what she's supposed to without a word. DS14 cannot even make it 3 days (literally) without an "event".
i know you know this, but it is a big choice. At least no paper work will be filed so you won't end up like me. How can he enroll her in school without custody paperwork? I thought you had to have that, at least that's what ex told me over the summer.
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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
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She's with DOC right now... technically, DOC has guardianship, so they can place her in his custody, if they choose to do so. But, on paper, I would still have custody... any damage she causes, I would be financially responsible for... and, I would have NO parenting time on paper... I will be at his mercy to see her... if he doesn't, there isn't anything I can do about it... I have talked to a lawyer who disagrees with what DOC has told me though and who's willing to get me some parenting time, at least on paper... but that won't solve the issue of a 10hr round trip to get her, and another 10hr round trip to return her... it would be insane to do this over a two day weekend... and, my lawyer cautioned me... I was originally going to agree to a trial period of 6 months with dad? Turns out, 6 months is the magical cut off... see, once she's off DOC, custody will automatically revert back to me, but if she's been with ex for 6 months, it's very likely he WOULD get custody because she's been there for 6 months... and by then, she'll be over 17 anyway... not much sense fighting for custody over a child that doesn't want to live with you and who'll be able to make that decision anyway in less than a year...
"How can he enroll her in school without custody paperwork?"
I never had to show any paperwork to enroll her.
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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 8524
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"The truth is it takes major effort to deal with a teen that is out of control like DS. Weekly therapy, constantly taking off work to "deal" with whatever it is he's done, visits to PO, court dates, fines, parent teacher meetings....etc. You know. "
Yeah, you're preaching to the choir... it's an INSANE schedule... you're tired and worn out, and then you have to deal with the troubled teen on top of it, when all you want to do is curl up and die... it SUCKS.
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d0b0vgall2020
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Reged: 05/06/09
Posts: 1334
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The worst part to me is having 2 daughters that are exceptional and get little to no attention because it's all focused on him. I think if that ever changed, he would take notice. DD15 calls me EVERY night, just to talk about what's up. We talk about everything. DS only calls if he wants something and if I talk about him getting in trouble, he simply hangs up on me. Your post about the christmas gift made me think a lot. Every year, i worry more about him than the others because no matter how hard I try to get him what he wants he is always disappointed. I could get DDs anything and they would NEVER complain but him....
He literally cried a threw a fit last year because my mother bought him a nice bike and bought my nephew an ipod. I know it sounds mean but i think he could benefit from a present-less christmas.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 8524
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"The worst part to me is having 2 daughters that are exceptional and get little to no attention because it's all focused on him. "
I feel that way about ds9... he's a good kid, but when dd was here (she's in residential treatment now, has been for... 2 months?)... there was no time or energy for him... dd took it ALL... I cringe when I think how many times I overlooked him, because dd had so many fires I had to put out...
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d0b0vgall2020
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Reged: 05/06/09
Posts: 1334
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Honestly, I don't know what else you could do even at 16. If she has made up her mind to go live with him, even if you could make her stay with you, she would make life hell until she got her way or just run away. Then you would have to worry about where she was and if she was safe.
I don't know the bible very well but there is a verse that i take comfort in that says something like "you raise your children up, giving them the tools they need and eventually they will use them". I know that's horribly misquoted but I don't feel like googling it. I really believe that's true. teenagers can be morons sometimes but hopefully the foundation you've given her will sink in when things come into perspective.
I'm counting on it myself. :)
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 8524
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"teenagers can be morons sometimes but hopefully the foundation you've given her will sink in when things come into perspective."
It's my mantra, lol.
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d0b0vgall2020
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Reged: 05/06/09
Posts: 1334
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I felt the same way. I'm just trying to focus as much as I can on make up time now with DD9 and DN10. We actually got to go to the elementary school's fall festival tonight and we had a blast. we won 4 cakes at the cake walk and H and I both won at bingo. He got a basket of scented candles and I got a power drill. he want's to trade but nuh-uh. :)
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