preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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I disagree.. BOTH should be able to count on the other parent REGARDLESS of whose time it is! It would NEVER be an issue if dd got sick on ex's time. It would be insane for me to be like "sorry dude YOUR time YOUR problem". What? She stopped being MY child too simply because it is "his" time?? I can't even imagine what essentially equates to a rejection of responsibility/the child itself.
SRSs ex is being a dousche, plain and simple. She asked to legally make a change, so now he's going to be a prick. Also plain and simple. These people use bullying, threatening and game-playing to keep things THEIR way, when the people trying to make the change are only trying to be document what the non custodial parent has already EXHIBITED, at length, in the past.
I really dislike your view Cassie of "well, give it to him SEE what he DOES". Sorry, children aren't tinker toys or science fair projects that you hand to a mental infant and well gee, if it doesn't work out, oh well. These are PEOPLE.. more specifically.. CHILDREN
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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<<I disagree.. BOTH should be able to count on the other parent REGARDLESS of whose time it is! It would NEVER be an issue if dd got sick on ex's time. It would be insane for me to be like "sorry dude YOUR time YOUR problem". What? She stopped being MY child too simply because it is "his" time?? I can't even imagine what essentially equates to a rejection of responsibility/the child itself. >>
Yes PM, both SHOULD be able to parent REGARDLESS of who's time it is - but that's NOT always an option. You can't force the other parent to do that. BTDT.
Would I take DS any time he was sick on XH's time? You betya, and I HAVE. But XH won't do that, and I can't force him to do that.
That's my point.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26679
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And that does not matter, because parents do what parents do, no matter what the circumstances. At what point does hope and change kick in just because a non performer says they want to perform. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, the whole world would be a candy store :):)
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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Maybe I misread the comment but I thought it was Cassie and that it was something like neither parent should EVER expect the other parent to take a child on what is technically not "their time" and I 1000% DISAGREE with that. Both parents should have EVERY expectation of that. Again, the other parent doesn't stop BEING a parent, simply because it doesn't happen to be 'their' time. And that that DO feel like that? Should hand their kids over to the other parent.. forthwith.. because being a parent isn't a part-time job. It's a full time job, whether your kids are physically with you or not.
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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<<At what point does hope and change kick in just because a non performer says they want to perform.>>
I admit - if XH wanted more time and all of a sudden wanted 50/50? I would wonder what the hell was in his coffee that morning :). After years of proving someone doesn't WANT to step up, I'd have a difficult time thinking all of a sudden he changed.
I don't blame SRS for being upset about it, I'd feel the same way.
Like PM said - kids aren't light switches. And parents can't be either.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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ITA, PM. When X had custody of our kids, I took DS any time he offered. He wouldn't let me see DD. There was never a time I didn't take whatever he offered. I would drop everything to go get DS. I don't understand the part-time parenting technique. My kids don't understand if I say I don't feel like being a parent today, so go find someone who does.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
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Yeah, this thing called a court order is simply a piece of paper. Being a parent is 24-7-365...or should be. This guy is thinking with his little head is all...
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I really dislike your view Cassie of "well, give it to him SEE what he DOES". Sorry, children aren't tinker toys or science fair projects that you hand to a mental infant and well gee, if it doesn't work out, oh well. These are PEOPLE.. more specifically.. CHILDREN
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It's unfortunate you don't take the time to read my postings then. I have never stated that she should give him 50/50 and see what he does with it. I suggested over and over that he start off with his CO parenting time, then work up just as Gecko discussed to see if he can step up as a parent. If he can't- he had his chance, he loses it. If he can, then everyone wins.
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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I don't think that's what Cassie meant. She and I have discussed this issue privately - I think we ALL know the shoulda coulda woulda's of what parents are supposed to be and supposed to do - I also think we all know that isn't always a reality. Does my XH full time parent, no matter who's time it is? Heck no. Never has, probably never will. Do *I* parent that way? Yes. But it's pointless to say how parents SHOULD act when you're talking about the OP, who you CAN'T force to step up and be a parent. No - parenting isn't a part time job. And just b/c one is a parent, doesn't mean they do parent full time. Doesn't mean they shouldn't, but reality is, some don't.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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If I had 10 days to use as vacation days and 5 of those were used to go on vacation, the other 5 left would be used on my children when they needed me. If I have the kids for an entire summer, then it is likely that in those 60 days I might need to take my vacation time to be used when
my kids are sick.
If a parent can/wants to/will then they should. Should the other parent EXPECT it? No. Just as we have stated time and time again that a CP shouldn't expect CS. CS should be a given, but it isn't because too many people (apparently) get away without paying current CS.
I feel the same way about vacation time. My brother's X for example wanted him to take his last two days for their son in which was sick. My brother took extra days off before, when they moved, for my father's death, etc. He has two days left 2 months ago...and has teh kids for extended time over Xmas break. He needs those two days in case they get sick on his time. On his time, she would not step in. I think when you have two parents who refuse to co-parent, you shouldn't expect that will take the time. Your parenting time, figure it out- and vice a versa, that makes it fair all the way around.
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