meganb
old hand
Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 1180
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Sad to say but BM has always put herself first, and BD tried, but only in the wrong way and when he tried to be a father instead of a friend things went down hill fast.
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meganb
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Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 1180
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I have to leave for work now, I will check back in tonight and answer any questions then.
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MrsB
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Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Wow. I cannot imagine a) giving up my rights to my own child and moving 5 states away from him, and b) handing over all rights to the stepparent.
Since the son and SF are so close - I would absolutely support visitation and an ongoing positive relationship. However, I can't imagine, if I were the BD, allowing the stepdad to have full custody. However I can also see the problems of forcing a 16 year old, just 2 years away from adulthood, to live with someone, even if it's the bioparent, that he isn't as close with and doesn't want to live with...I suppose I would look at it as the stepdad being similar to a biodad - and the child is old enough to choose who he lives with, if it were between BM and BD...
This is a tough one for sure. Haven't read all the responses yet - but those are my first thoughts.
I really just cannot imagine giving up my rights to my child. I'm glad that boy has a dad and stepdad who love him and are wanting and willing to remain in the child's life.
I do think it is awesome the bioparents are respecting the child's wishes - and God bless stepdad for taking on the parental role in all of this.
I think if all are on board - it's a positive outcome for the boy. My main issue is with mom. Handing over her rights and moving 5 states away. Blech.
Edited by MrsB (02/13/12 09:29 AM)
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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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It sounds like the biggest issue is the kid. He has obviously never been told what to do and had any follow through. I want to say if I had been dad I'd have had told him "too freaking bad. You're going to do what i tell you" , except the more I think about it the more I'm thinking if he does that he will have to reap the consequences and they ain't going to be pretty from a kid who's had no discipline. He's 16, might as well let him got to SF's now.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Tweeby
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Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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How is the son doing in school? Is BD correct that the kid is not doing well enough to go to college?
Seems as if BD was willing to pay for college but only if his son was willing to work for it. Not uncommon to have 'strings' attached when paying or helping with college costs.
Seems that the family has made the decision already from past incidences, the son will be living with the SD#1 because the son has been calling the shots for a while now. I just hope that the son is getting some counseling on how to deal with his Mom leaving and not wanting to live with his BD.
If it was presented differently than it would be more of a positive rather than the teen dictating on what he wants. Instead of presenting his wishes logically and in an adult manner he went with the threats or stating he will throw a 'tantrum' if he doesn't get what he wants.
I wouldn't be able to just up and move away from my kids at this age. I have a 15 and a 16 yo. They still need a lot of my guideance and help so I couldn't see moving away from them.
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meganb
old hand
Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 1180
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Tweeby,you came close to hitting the nail on the head. The boy is not doing that great in school his average is Ds that's what the BD meant when saying that the boy couldnt get into collage at the rate he was going.
He does threw tantrums...that's what caused the custody battle when he was 11. He pushed the BD, and did someother things, the BD took his belt off and smacked him across his behind. He went to school the next day, told the teacher that his father had beat him and that he was scared for his life (there were not any marks or for that matter red marks) The BM was called she filed charges...It went to court and the Judge told the BM, BD and son that in our state there is a hit "zone" from the waist to the knees, that a belt could be used but not the buckle, that a hand could be used, that a switch ect. He even told them that it sounded as though the child had needed that for a long time. All of that lead to the battle for custody.
I too could not move and leave my child, but she made the choice and the BD went back and forth not sure what to do.
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meganb
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Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 1180
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You nailed it Debi, the BD was worried as to what his life, his wifes life and their childs life would be. What the child really would do if "forced" to live with them.
It is both the BM and BD faults for never being parents, never disciplined him. The SD#1 and SM tried the most to lay down rules and consequences for his actions, that's why I think he cares more for them than his bio parents.
Living with his SD he's been told what will happen if he doesnt live by his rules and he agreed to do as SD#1 wanted, only time will tell
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meganb
old hand
Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 1180
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JL, it would be hard, but the BM and BD both signed over custody to the SD. He now has full custody with the BD having parenting time EOWE and 2 weeks in the summer. The BM and BD will each pay the SD 1500 each to go towards his first car and each will pay a equal amount of CS.
Now the BD is second guessing this and is thinking about going to court which the son knows about and has told him in no uncertain terms that he would not live with him. This child called all the shots when small and still does. It really is a sad story.
I hope it works out with the SD, he is very, very close to him and has blamed his BM for the divorce.
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Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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The BM and BD will each pay the SD 1500 each to go towards his first car and each will pay a equal amount of CS.
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Why would ANY parent give $1500 towards a car equally for a child who is a D student?
Why sign over custody? That's what I don't get. He could still have stayed in his Dad's custody and lived at SF's house. I wouldn't have done it personally- I think SF should have offered to have his SS every weekend or every other, but should have told his SS he NEEDS to live with his father. Since SS and SF have such a good relationship maybe he would have listened to him.
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meganb
old hand
Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 1180
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Cassie, for the SD to add the child to his insurance he had to have full custody. I know it's a bunch of crap. But the BM refused to pay for insurance for him and she just quit her job where she had it. The BD offered to pay half for insurance with BM paying half but she refused. I know it's not a good enough reason. But it is what it is.
As for the car...there is no way I myself would put that child in a car for many many reasons. But that is what they all agreed to.
What it comes down to and this is what I think, he was to much for mom to handle, she wanted her freedom and with her new husband working out of state she saw this as her out. The BD wanted to do something but the threats where enough to to send up red flags.
The boy got what he wanted. period
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