Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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And it’s a-ok if Cassie says “I would not do it again” - in reference to her situation of getting involved & marrying a man with plenty of divorce drama that has lasted for years and continues. It’s ok for some people to say things, but not others. If you are happy in your marriage more power to you. What you consider “happy” may not be the same for someone else though.
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What I wrote was I wouldn't choose to do it again. Meaning IF I was single currently or in the future I would NOT date/marry someone with a kid because it took a lot out of me- mentally, emotionally and physically.
I did not mean if I were to re-do my life again would I choose the same path. I cannot imagine not having what I do have with my children and H. We have a good life- not perfect, but I do believe I am a FAR better person because I married a man with a child and I learned that love was NOT just based on blood. I am now considering adopting a child. NOT a baby, but a child and do not think I would have ever considered doing that if I didn't live the life I have. I say "I" because H has already decided he wants to.
I do remind people who marry those with children already how difficult it is. I also tell people, more specifically friends and family, that being a parent is the MOST difficult job in the world! I wish my parents would have prepared me for it. That you need to be emotionally, mentally and financially prepared. I now make sure my children understand the DEPTH in parenting and choosing to become a parent.
Regardless, I talk about MY situation- that's all I know. I don't assume people are unhappy or happy in their relationships. I do think sometimes the way people word things it seems as though they are jealous/envious of others. I just don't get that...
Edited by Cassie23 (03/16/12 11:10 AM)
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I have to say, I do NOT regret having dd. And yes, I will be tied to ex for the rest of my life BUT.. he's not a "bad" man. As my mom describes it best he's a guy with limited capabilities who extended himself WAY beyond what his capabilities allow. He's painted himself into a corner and to be honest? I expect he'll be dead early in his 50's..if that. His family history, he's got two immediate relatives dead of cancer at early early ages. His mother is battling stage IV ovarian still.. and he's a 3 pack a day smoker who is sleeping maybe 2 hours a night, 6 nights a week. He's not doing well.
to a large degree, he knows I've "got" dd. he doesn't need to worry about her with me. He knows I'll move heaven and earth for her, in terms of providing for her, etc. And he generally stays out of my way. But we CAN and DO talk about stuff. He's the first person to know if I'm banging my head against a wall on an issue. And he generally has my back with what I'm doing with dd. He's got some things where he struts his male ego or whatever.. but it is a "whatever".
someone told me about.. 10 years or so ago.. I NEEDED to have a child. She was right. Absolutely. And if I was going to have a child with someone and NOT raise the child with that person? Ex is the PERFECT guy for me for that. If it were anyone else? Say exSO? It'd be UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY. I'm actually pretty lucky. Is a lot of it fake maybe? Yeah, probably, but if it gets the job done succesfully, no one gets hurt and everyone feels warm and fuzzy at the end of the day? I got no complaints.
Best gift in my life has been DD. She's an AMAZING individual.. I'm truly truly "blessed" (even though I'm not religious it's the only word I can come up with) to have her. And? I'm a pretty damn good mother, amazingly enough. I have no regrets whatsoever. I always say that to dd.. she'll ask stuff about me and her dad and I can TRULY say, he gave me the greatest gift ever. And I will ALWAYS love him for that. She's the best parts of BOTH of us and will be my greatest accomplishment, no doubt. Can't be sorry for that at all :):)
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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SL- I remember your story with your almost X at the time. I, for one, can see why you didn't try to make things work. I really felt like, based on some of the things you wrote, your life would have been very dysfunctional. I definitely think you chose right for you.
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spinnerdegrassi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 8013
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The best choice to make is the one where you end up having a long successful marriage and then die simultanously while having sex at age 100.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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YES!! I really believe my children saved me. I remember how angry and hateful I was years ago. I remember having a difficult time even allowing myself to be loved by someone because I felt like it would be a sign of weakness. Crying and getting emotional- even when you would assume one would- was very difficult to for me. I didn't realize until after my daughter was born, that it was okay not to have control over every single aspect of my life. That I helped to make two beautiful children and they literally saved my life!
My son expressed his sadness one day when a friend of his told him his Mother explained he was an accident. SD still brings up her mother telling her she wasn't able to "live her life" because she had SD instead. Why would any parent allow a child to hear such thing? That kind of junk sits with you for the rest of your life.
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2016
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"I, for one, can see why you didn't try to make things work."
----->Not sure where you got that from. I did try. I gave that marriage everything I had. It was way beyond fixable.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I meant CONTINUE in it. I am sure you didn't marry with the thoughts of divorce. I guess I am just saying if I was in your situation I would have chosen the same.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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The best choice to make is the one where you end up having a long successful marriage and then die simultanously while having sex at age 100.
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I do not think I will live till the age of 100! Longevity does not run in my family!
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2016
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Gotcha. :-) The writing was on the wall, I just hoped things would get better, but they got worse when we started counseling 6 months into the marriage.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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There is no sword and I think that's just as silly of a comment as the other. What I told LB was the gist of what I got from your comment. Since she has you on ignore she didn't see it. If you did not mean that, then thanks for the clarification. Your comments were directed to the board, how should I know who specifically you meant? Ignore? Why? Because I disagree with what you implied? Nah, not necessary. Hope you have a fine weekend.
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