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KentuckySm
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Reged: 07/06/07
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Update- DH and custody
      #780810 - 03/23/12 08:30 AM

This Monday Dh was awarded custody of his boys. BM never meet with the GAL and did not show up in court. The judge gave DH primary resident and BM has parenting time with the boys at times and places agreed to by DH with no overnights until she can demonstrate she has a stable place to live. DH is sooooo disappointed in the fact that she did not even try with the courts for the boys sake. DH did not request such limited access to the boys, but the judge decided it because of her lack of control on the first court date and the GAL's report. BM called DH when she got the court order in the mail. She went through the roof screaming this was not over. Then she bashed me a ton. Not shocked. I have no dog in this fight. I'm just here to support DH and my stepsons. I'm so happy for DH and the boys. It will take a bit for them to adjust and to wade through all the BS that BM is feeding them, but I think it will turn out for the best. SS11 was already chanting last night how much he loves being here as he helped his Dad work in the garden and play in the woods.

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Pick your battles.


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MrsB
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #780812 - 03/23/12 08:48 AM

Oh my goodness! Well good for you guys - the boys are where they need to be. I don't understand how she can be so upset when she did not even show up to court or meet with the GAL...WOW.

Happy for you guys. It is sad, but they are where they need to be.


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LeAnne
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #780813 - 03/23/12 08:48 AM

Yay, happy for the boys. At least now they will have a stable life and home. It will take a little adjustment, change is something new, but they will be better off in the long run.

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Empty Nesting


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KentuckySm
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Reged: 07/06/07
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: LeAnne]
      #780816 - 03/23/12 08:58 AM

Thanks you all. Yeah I know I hate it the boys have to go throught this. She is going to say all kinds of crazy stuff to the kids. She is already telling DH the boys are scared of him and that him and I fighting is upsetting the boys. She was telling him we needed to split or get counseling. Dh just ignored her. We don't fight in front of the kids. Lord we hardly fight. We did talk to the kids once the judgement was finally. DH asked them about the fighting thing. They kept saying yeah they thought we fought all the time. Finally found out when DH and I are debating about things we are talking about the kids thought we were fighting. We both giggled and explained that no we were bouncing ideas off each other and were not mad at each other. SS11 did finally tell us that he knew we were not fighting. Now just to get the boys talking to us. BM has spent the last 6 years telling the boys not to talk to us and that we can't take care of them. It will all iron out.

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Pick your battles.


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MrsB
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #780817 - 03/23/12 09:00 AM

Yes - it will iron out. They are getting old enough now for sure that they will see the truth - especially living with you guys. That's probably what she's afraid of - the truth will come out just in them living with you guys and seeing you are not the villains she has spent so many years making you out to be.

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M5M5
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #780865 - 03/23/12 02:28 PM

That figures...its' her own fault things went like they did. I can't stand ppl like that. I'm happy for you guys...just try to ignore her.

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Miranda
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #780881 - 03/23/12 06:33 PM

The boys will thrive in a stable environment.

From experience, be prepared for BM drama. Don't give into fodder, don't allow criminal behavior, and try to minimize manipulation by her.

Good luck. My SS is now 19 and has not spoken to his BM in years...like 2-3. They will grow to see behavior/traits for what they are.

--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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Sampoe
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Reged: 01/27/11
Posts: 325
Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: MrsB]
      #780882 - 03/23/12 06:39 PM

Oh MrsB, you're so drawsome. LOL. Do you posters believe me now?

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finz
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #780909 - 03/24/12 01:09 AM

Congrats to your dh and the boys. I hope it all works out well.

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Gecko
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #780979 - 03/25/12 10:17 AM

DH is sooooo disappointed in the fact that she did not even try with the courts for the boys sake.

---> "Try" for what exactly? Did ya'll want her to 'fight' you, even knowing she was unable to provide for her children? Or was it that ya'll wanted her to admit her shame in open court?

BM called DH when she got the court order in the mail. She went through the roof screaming this was not over.

---> It probably was upsetting to find out that she was not getting the standard parenting time...that ya'll had 'control' over when and if she saw the children.

Then she bashed me a ton. Not shocked.

---> Glad to see that you aren't taking it personal.

---> At sometime in the future, when things settle down a bit, it would be a good idea for your husband to meet with his ex and discuss the children. It might even be a good idea to involve a third party...like a family counselor...so that Dad doesn't feel as though he is carrying such a heavy load.

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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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Buckeye
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Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: KentuckySm]
      #781111 - 03/28/12 06:30 AM

Good luck and I so glad your DH got the children. My SIL did the same thing and got the 2 boys and had them for about 3 years before the OS decided he wanted to live with his mom. That lasted about 4 weeks before OS said he wanted to come back. SIL said no, you stay there - we are not playing this game.

YS stayed with SIL and is thriving although there are still some "habits - like lying" that they are still trying to break.


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KentuckySm
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Posts: 773
Re: Update- DH and custody [Re: Gecko]
      #781535 - 04/03/12 09:52 PM

Sorry for the delay in posting again. Thank you for your comments Gecko. Dh or I never wanted her to stand in court and admit her faults. DH also never went into this wanting anything more than to change residental custody so that the boys could stay in one school. He had no plans on having visitation set the way it is. The courts set it. He had a parenting plan set for mediation and was shocked when his lawyer told him it was over. Thats when he found out she never meet with the gal or went to court.

DH will only carry the load of communication with her. I am there for everything else. There is too much of a history between BM and I to ask for her to act like an adult around me. It keeps the drama at the lowest level with us not talking. There is a ton of hate that flows from her side and none from me. DH is releaved that they do still have joint custody.

--------------------
Pick your battles.


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