finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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I'm feeling rather melancholy after a graduation day watching all the cousins play together.....getting concerned about if we will still be able to do that post divorce.
How does that work in your family ?
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1408
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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I think it really depends on how well everyone gets along post divorce and how involved everyone was predivorce.
I know in my case that my sister-in-law never thought of my husbands first wife as her sister-in-law - I have always been that person to her and I have been married to my husband for so long now that if there was to ever be a divorce I would still be invited to my nephews graduations and marriages etc... because to them I will always be their Aunt Annieo, the aunt they grew up with, the one who played with them and watched scary movies with them etc... I think because your marriage is long term prior to divorce that you will always be Aunt Finz unless the divorce is really nasty I would think you would still be involved?
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Loretta
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 3940
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I would be upset with my family if they didn't treat my ex with respect and as a part of the family. Luckily it's never been an issue. I stop by and see his parents when I am in my hometown (a couple times a year). Never been an issue. I'm friends with his family on fb, and he is friends with mine. Him and I live in the same town, nearly 500 miles from our hometown.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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Yes! I LOVE my inlaws.... I like my ex MIL MUCH better than my MIL... hell, so does my husband....LOL.... My dad wasn't too happy with the ex before he passed and wasn't too friendly to him... protective dad thing... but my mother is friendly with them. They are fab.u.lous people.... they treat my son better than his own grandmother... hell, they've been to his basketball games... something my damn MIL can't do.... (don't get me started).
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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Thanks ladies.
I needed to hear that it CAN happen the way I want it to
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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No. I tried because I think my kids need to know they have family other than mine. But, I got the brush off.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8834
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With DH and his exinlaws? Hell to the no. He never wanted to see those people who actively interfered and sabotaged his marriage as much as they could.
My mom and dad were married 14 years and dated in HS. Pretty much everyone knew my Dad had an affair and left my mother. His mother disowned him and didn't speak to him for 3 years. His siblings went along with it. But my mother was still welcome in their homes; my grandmother continued to make my mom her birthday dinner every year as well. My Dad eventually reconciled with his family for the most part. But the cousins who grew up calling my mom "aunt XXXX" still call her that. Their mom though, is the only sibling to NOT reconcile with my Dad for her own reasons (dumb really, he actually didn't do anything wrong there - he is a mandatory reporter and had to do it).
So IME it depends on the relationships involved. If everyone stays friendly ex-wise I think it can totally happen. If not, if the family in question blames their blood relative or just isn't close with him, it can happen.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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My SD's grandmother and husband (BM's Mom and StepDad) were just at our home over Memorial Day weekend. However, BM stopped speaking to her Mother 7 years ago and SD a little over 2 years ago.
My brother whose X cheated on him with one of HIS co-workers gets along fantastically with his X inlaws. His new GF doesn't really like it, but he calls them "family". Actually some of his X in laws won't even speak to my brother's X or the guy she left him for, but love my brother. My brother, on of his parenting days, takes their kids over to see the X in law grandparents who are up in age because his X doesn't bother. He has a very close bond with them, BUT they were married for ten years (together for 15) and they treated my brother like their own.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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It's creepy. Everyone just gets along, everyone hugs everyone. We get invites from the ex-in-laws for dinner, trips to the mountains, we always have nice conversations at family functions...we've actually started combining the families for birthdays now. What a big group, but the kids just LOVE it. All their family together, getting along, smiling and laughing. Like I said, it's pretty creepy. :)
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I always had pictures of just that in my head when we started our family. However BM is very moody. There were times were she was just nice and very willing and other times where there was no way she would be willing to peacefully co-exist. I think, for her, it was always about control. Things are much more peaceful without her and that is an unfortunate fact.
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