cnla
recently joined
Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 4
|
|
I moved to georgia about a year and a half ago with my husband.
I have been married for almost 4 years and have a son that will be 2 in the end of October. My husband is an adult photographer and producer and I was an adult model and actress. October of 2005 my husband couldnt work so I got a job doing escorting which he insisted on me doing. Around this time I realized how much I hated being married to my husband and I wanted a divorce.I talked to all the girls I worked with and even my boss about it.I quit my job 2 months ago and I have been feeling much better with myself since then.Of course everyone I worked with and my husband say it as if I was abducted by aliens because I told them I didnt feel right doing my job and it wasnt who I was.The girl I worked for even told my husband he should have me commited.
My husband thinks that people who are married can still have boyfriends/girlfriends and have sex with whoever as long as they are honest about that.I dont feel this way!!In my eyes I have been seperated from my husband since before January. We dont have an intimate relationship and he only wants us to stay together for the sake of our son. He even said that my now boyfriend could move in our house so that our family doesnt get seperated. The guy I have been dating has been my best friend for 5 years and has been there for me more than anyone ever has. He lives in my hometown where all my family lives which my husband said we would never go there because all the people in that town are psycho/crazy!! This may be because the people where I am from dont believe in sharing there husbands/wives.
I need to know what I can do to end all of the bull crap.It is putting alot of stress on me and before I quit my job I was having so much stress I started having chest pains and I think I probably almost had a heart attack a couple of times.
Before I started dating my best friend I dated another guy who my husband told me he would rather me go back to dating him or dating someone with money instead of my friend who cares about my well being more than his own.
He also said that if I would date someone who didnt care about me as much atleast he would know they wouldn't steal me from him!!!
I need help!! Can someone please help me!!!
Thanks,
CN
Here is the letter he wrote to my Friend!!
One thing I forgot to mention is my husband has a masters in psychology and is very manipulative....
Hi Luke
Today some things happened that made me decide to
answer your emails and begin an active dialogue with
you. I've avoided answering your emails and IMs so far
Luke because frankly, after learning of your deceipt,
dishonesty and your affair with Callie I have very
little respect for you as a human being and certainly
very little respect for you as a man. So naturally I
had no desire to correspond with you. Also I have seen
over the years so many different times where your
words and actions have hurt and upset Callie. I know
because I was there. And I do not want any hurt to
come to Callie. I also remember the things you said
about Zayden -- forgiven but not forgotten. So I'm
sure, Luke that given everything you can understand
how I feel about the person that you are and why I
would never ever want my son to have sustained contact
with you. I think probably you would feel very
similarly had the shoes been on the other feet. I
often wonder in fact how you would really feel if you
were in my shoes now. What would you do? How would you
act? Anyway all these are the reasons why I haven't
answered your emails since I found out you had lied to
me. But today my attitude is a little different. I had
a couple of beautiful "lighting bolt" experiences
today that have altered my perception decidedly.
So I really would like to know you and understand you
and for you to honestly know me. After reading your
emails I realized that you really have no idea who I
am either or even how I feel toward Callie. So this
correspondence will be the first of many. I do want
you to know everything and to fully understand me. I
believe that when everything else is said and done it
is only what is TRUE that stands the test of time.
Unfortunately for both of us this beautiful person we
are in love with often chooses (and I'm sure she would
admit this) other paths than 100% truthfulness. And we
both know how hurtful that can be. But also it can be
damaging in other ways. So I want you to know the full
truth about everything. This is my promise to you,
Luke: Ask me anything you like. I will respond with
100% honesty and truthfulness whether it make me look
good or not. This promise to you also extends to
everything I say to Callie. I want you to know the
complete truth. So everything I write to Callie I will
also send a copy to you. So please ask me questions.
Please try to imagine yourself in my shoes. Whatever
path you choose to take is up to you. But I truly want
you to know the complete truth about everything, where
i fit into all this, how I feel toward Callie and the
person that I am.
I'll get started tonight with some random thoughts.
The past few weeks/months have been very painful and
tough for me. Callie's actions are so confusing, and
unexpected. Even after telling me about her feelings
toward you she still constantly told me that she loved
me, had great conversations with me and of course --
great sex. Then the very next day she refused to say
"I love you" at all. Huh?? Hello???What happened? I
told a friend it was like she was abducted by aliens
and returned as this person who was a total stranger
to me. What happened to the beautiful, kind loving
mother to our son? Who is this angry, unhappy,
nervous, smoking, stressed person who seems so
troubled and seems to have turned her back on her
family here and even all her close friends in Atlanta?
I love Callie so very, very much and this all has been
very trying to say the least. But I decided minutes
after she first told me about her feelings toward you
that I was not going to be angry and that I would
continue to love her unconditionally and believe in
her.
Since all this began it has been doubly hard because
there aren't many people I could even discuss all this
with. I can't talk with my parents, brothers, family
etc... because news of this would absolutely break
their hearts. All of them love Callie so much. The
people that I have been able to talk with about all
this have been an incredible source of support and
advice. These people are 2 amazing friends from the
church that Zayden and I attend:
http://www.unitynorth.org and Mandy who until this
thing with you was Callie's closest friend. Mandy has
offered lots of support and encouragement and is also
very concerned about Callie. A couple of weeks ago a
friend told me that she understood my spiritual
approach to all this but that she thought that maybe I
should be less passive and more active in my efforts
to win back my wife and family and to let Callie know
how I feel. So far I've dealt with all of this through
prayer and meditation without doing very much to try
to change the situation except to remind Callie that I
love her and am here for her. Instead of tons of
conversations and pleas I decided to make a DVD for
Callie that would express my feelings visually and
audibly without words. I believe that often "a picture
is worth a thousand words". So hoping that a thousand
pictures would be worth a MILLION wowrds I used a
thousand pictures from my life with Callie and four
weeks of my time to create a special DVD for her.
After she watched it she stared at the screen in the
dark without saying a word for 20 minutes...
Today I decided to change my response to all this and
take the advice of friends and Mandy. So this is my
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT :) I will continue the
spiritual approach and pray for Callie (and for you)
and I will continue to find peace, strength and
encouragement in my spirituality. But from this point
I will ALSO actively do everything I can to show
Callie how much I love her and how perfect OUR family
and life together CAN be. I believe 100% that Callie
and I are soulmates. And I believe that we will again
be happy together. I believe that after this
experience Callie and I will both have grown immensely
and that our relationship will be better than ever
before. Sometimes it's not until we almost lose
someone that we truly undertand how amazing and
important this person is to us. And most importantly I
believe that Callie will ultimately understand what it
is that Zayden is trying to teach both of us. In a
huge an unlimited universe and cosmos our miracle baby
chose Callie and I to be his parents. I do not believe
that he made a mistake. I know what an incredible and
loving person Callie is. And I don't believe for a
second that this stressed-out person who is able to go
for weeks without seeing her son is the REAL Callie. I
simply refuse to believe it.
All the cards are on the table now. I believe that my
family and my marriage are worth fighting for so I'm
not giving up. So after tonight Luke don't be
surprised if it gets a little more diffcult for you to
have your fantasy of a relationship with the beautiful
girl that I am married to and that I love more than
anything. Also don't be surprised if you find yourself
wrestling more than usual with your own conscience and
inner guide. I will not make this easy for you dude.
Because I really don't believe that Callie will be
happy with you and with the changes that a
relationship with you would create especially in how
all this would impact Zayden's life. At the very least
I promise that in a few days YOUR perception of most
everything will have changed immensely.
I can honestly say this to you Luke and with no malice
whatsoever. I am not happy with the way things
currently are. And sometimes I do feel sorry for
myself, but not for long. One thing I know for sure.
As much as I don't like being in MY shoes sometimes
there is NO WAY in the world that I would want to be
in YOURS. I would not want to trade places with you
for all the gold in the world. So please don't think
that I don't understand your pain and your plight and
how deep that pain is. I do NOT envy you, Luke. And I
do understand the inner struggle and anguish you feel.
And please don't think that I was being flippant when
I said that you are in my prayers. I meant that quite
literally. You ARE in my prayers.
I know that this letter will make Callie mad so I'm
taking a risk. She does not want me to talk with you.
And she doesn't really want to talk with me either.
This is why she tries so hard to stay on the phone
with you all the time when we are together and why she
won't look me in the eye. But I'll have to follow my
heart and risk her getting mad. I'm not going to sit
back silently any more while I lose my family. And I'm
not going to passively sit by and watch Zayden's pain.
For months since his Mom started seeing him less and
less and then almost never I have been the one who
held him in my arms every night when he woke up
screaming and in tears. I'm the one who saw first hand
how his mother's absence in his life affected him. And
so many times I am afraid to say antyhing to Callie
because she gets so mad and so very very defensive.
Now I'm just going to risk it. She can get mad if she
wants but I am going to do everything I can to save my
marriage and my family. But the difference is this.
I'm not doing this because this is the best thing for
ME. In fact the truth is life with Callie is not all
roses and I know I'm going to get stuck with a lot of
thorns if we stay together. And sometimes I do
fantasize of having the life back that I had BEFORE
Callie. But I would never do that because I believe in
her and I believe in our family together. I know very
clearly that following the path that Callie seems to
be taking will lead to HER pain and ultimate
unhappiness. I really do believe this Luke. No matter
what she says and proclaims (or how mad she gets at
me) Inside in her soul I know with a deep certainty
that Callie could never be happy with her relationship
with you because she would always have to live with
what she gave up and she would always have the
knowledge of how her actions (no matter how romantic
they felt) truly affected our son.
Today I witnessed some incredible and miraculous
events that kind of helped me to change my entire
perspective. First at church this morning, then
tonight a few hours ago I had another incredible
experience with Zayden. I sent this message to Callie
earlier tonight and I'd like to share it with you as
well:
"Don't believe in miracles? Tonight our amazing son
sat in my lap, put both hands on my forehead & looked
deep into my eyes. It was awesome! I could see into
his soul. Before this I was feeling stressed & had a
migraine. In an instant my headache and stress
vanished and I felt totally at peace. Zayden is
sitting on my lap as I am writing this now. Even
though we're separated and you are stressed and
confused I'm now 100% sure that everything is going to
be ok and that we are all going to be together and
happy again. One look inside our little angel's eyes
was all it took for me. If you have lost faith in us
I'd just invite you to sit with Zayden & do the same.
I love you so much, Callie. I believe in you, in the
person that u are deep inside. And I believe in our
family and the power of unconditional love. Please
stop worrying Callie, take a chance & believe in me
again and let me show u how amazing and beautiful that
our family can be. I promise you that I won't let you
down and that you will NOT be disappointed."
One thing I know for sure: if Callie would sit with
Zayden in her lap and look deeply into his eyes with a
completely open heart and mind there is no doubt that
she would at that moment she would understand as I do
that the perfect life and family that she wants is
already right there in front of her and that Zayden
did choose his parents wisely.
It's very revealing that since all this began Callie
has avoided looking directly into my eyes, into
Zayden's eyes even into my Mom's eyes. Why do you
think this is? I saw her look briefly into Zayden's
eyes that first weekend when she told me about her
affair with you. Two seconds later she turned away
from Zayden and started crying. Why do you think she
did that?
I want to hear from you and how you feel, Luke. I try
to put myself in your shoes because I know what an
incredible person Callie is and how tempting that is.
But no matter how hard I try I cannot imagine any
situation where I would act in this as you have. Maybe
if she were in an abusive relationship like she has
been with others in the past. Or maybe if her husband
didn't love her. But neither of these is the case. And
I know as I'm sure deep down inside your soul, you do
as well that no relationship that begins in this way
with so many people and loved ones getting hurt has
any chance at all of surviving. Mandy, (Callie's
friend who is an empath and psychic) told me that she
knew with 100% certainty that her relationship with
you would not last. I know this too. Because no
romance or relationship that begins by hurting the
people who love and depend on you the most could have
a snowball's chance in hell of survival. The thing
that has concerned me the most about all this is not
her romance/affair with you ( because I know that
can't last) but that it seems she has lost her faith
in me and in us. That is what hurts the most. And it
is also that feeling that motivates and propels me in
every single way to be a better man than I ever was,
to be a better husband, a better lover and a better
friend. Today I can say without a doubt that I am a
better person in every single way than i was 4 months
ago. And even though things are not now the way I
would have hoped for I am also a hundred times more
confident and filled with inner peace than I was a few
months ago. Like tempered and hammered steel the most
beautiful and amazing qualities in the human spirit
are formed through adversity and strife.
For the rest of this letter tonight let me answer some
of the things you asked me in your emails:
You wrote:
"I am her friend, and you are her
husband.. I am not sure how you really feel about her
because I don't believe I ever asked you.. But do you
love her?"
Yes Luke. I love Callie more than life itself. If I
didn't love her all this stuff with you would not hurt
nearly as much. I know Callie is my Soulmate and that
I have really loved her all my life even before I met
her. I don't just love her for who she is but also for
the incredible unlimited potential that she has. I
believe that God has grand plans for Callie's life and
I believe that I am part of that plan. She has so many
amazing qualities and gifts that she does not see in
herself. She sees things on the surface but not the
important things that are much deeper and much harder
to see. It's hard to describe but I feel there's an
enormous emptiness in her and that this emptiness
won't be filled the way that she hopes it will because
she keeps looking in the wrong places. It's cliche to
say that if you don't love yourself then you can never
love anyone else. It sounds like the lyrics to too
many cheesy pop songs. But there is truth here even if
it's vastly oversimpified. She has had what many would
consider a tragic life. And in many ways she is still
an injured and scared little girl trying to find
someone to take away the pain. Callie can't see her
own divinity even her own worth. As amazing and as
wonderful a person that she is it always amazes me
that she so often doesn't see these things in herself.
She appears confident, assured and even stubborn. But
in reality its just a convenient illusion. She lives
externally, outside of herself. Here's the sad truth
and it will make her really really REALLY MAD to hear
ME say this. I know her. And she is not going to like
anything that I say in this paragraph. But I'm not
writing this for her. I'm writing this for you. I want
you to understand a little better this amazing person
that we both fully believe that we are in love with. I
believe Luke that everthing that Callie thinks she has
found in you or her relationship with you is illusion.
None of it is real. I also believe that she did
exactly the same thing with me. And in fact All her
sexual trysts, relationships and affairs have the same
thing in common too. This month it is you, a few weeks
ago it was a firemen who she met as a "customer" and
then a few weeks later some guy she met in a bar. And
unfortunately even though things may seem wonderful
now when the romance fades as it always does
eventually, that emptiness will still be there. But
this time it will be accompanied by resentment and
regret. That's the problem when love is viewed as a
"feeling". With Callie on her journey to herself it is
always about seeking, seeking feelings of love and
acceptance, seeking validation, desperately searching
for validity and love for someone who can help her
feel better about herself. It's this long seemingly
endless maze of seeking for things and meaning in
other people. In a way her new found romance with you
is more similar to the escapism that many addicts
search for in a drug, in a "high". It's a way to get
out of herself, embark on a brand new path of
avoidance and a beautiful illusion. She has probably
even fully convinced herself that she is doing the
right thing that someday even Zayden will understand
that she was just "following her heart" and really had
no choice in the matter. It's a beautiful fairytale
where no one gets hurt... But it's not true -- it's
just illusion. And in reality people that do care
about you DO get hurt. The problem is that none of the
things that Callie is really looking for can ever be
found in another person...not ever - not in you, not
in me and not in a thousand one-night-stands. Here's
the clincher: Everything that she is desperately
looking for is inside her and can never be found
externally. At some point in her life Callie WILL
recognize the beauty and divinity that has been inside
her always and that the true secret of love is not in
finding someone to make you "feel good" or "feel
loved" but the true secret is in understanding that
love is not a feeling at all but rather active choices
and unselfish giving actions that link you forever to
the most powerful force in the universe.
Wanna know an easy way to know if YOU are Callie's
soulmate. Ask yourself this:
And really Think about your answers to these
questions. What would you do if you were ME? What
would you do if you knew without any doubt that you
were Callie's soulmate? What would you do if even
though you loved her unconditionally and you had a
beautiful miraculous son together that she suddenly
told you she didn't love you any more? What would you
do if it was you who was holding your baby every night
while he cried? What would you do if you saw the love
of your life slowly pulling away from you AND from
your son? And weeks and weeks went by without her
seeing her son at all? What would you do if weeks went
by without any word from her? And that everytime you
tried calling her she never answered the phone? How
would you feel if her answer for why she never answers
the phone or calls you for days is because her phones
are not working? How would you feel when over and over
again you could hear by her voice that she was not
being honest with you? What would you do if you were
feeling all these things and yet you still knew that
you were her true soulmate and you also knew that at
this very moment she was in the arms of another man?
How would you react? What would you do?
I believe that I am Callie's soulmate for so very many
reasons, Luke. And I know that Zayden chose me and
Callie to be his parents for these exact same reasons.
There is a wonderful divine thing happening here. I
believe it is Zayden who will end up teaching and
enlightening both Callie and myself. I believe it is
essential that Callie and I raise Zayden together in
an atmosphere of love. And I believe it is vitally
important for Callie to be with someone who
understands the amazing and complicated spiritual
person that she is, someone who accepts her, someone
who knows and understands her divinity, and someone
strong and confident enough to deal patiently with all
the paths and detours that she is capable of taking on
her journey to her self like escapism, affairs, lies,
sexual adventures, etc... someone who will love her as
she is and someone who knows deeply that the true
person that she is has not even been discovered by
Callie yet. That is the person who is her soulmate. I
think sadly that I have not always been that person
that I haven't always been strong enough. But I know
now with unflinching certainty inside my heart that I
am now strong enough to be this person and that it is
both MY calling and my DESTINY to be that person for
Callie. It has been said that your true soulmate is
the person who knows the SONG in your heart and is
there to sing it back to you even when you have
forgotten the words and the tune.
That's all for tonight. I will answer more of your
questions tommorrow. I send you peace.
Namaste
David
David Lace: husband, father, dreamer, artist, student, philosopher
and photographer.
Some of the things that were written in his letter I believe he wrote to put a wedge between me and my Friend because they were not true!!
He talks about this being an affair but yet he wanted to fly my Friend to our home for christmas holidays.
My Friend just wants me to be happy whether it be with him or someone else.
|
Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
|
|
TROLL ALERT!!!
|
Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
|
|
I'm not really sure what kind of help you are looking for, but I would recommend that you remove your real names from this post.
If you ask some specific questions, maybe someone can offer advice. I'd also recommend some shorter posts. Most people won't read posts of this length.
Best of luck to you. :-)
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
Yeah that last bit of copy and paste was not added on the first time I read this post?
It looks like someone may be seeking revenge! Wooooohhhhhaaaaa!
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
|
|
Well...the whole thing reeks, but I was giving it an honest go...lol.
|
rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
|
|
Holy crap.. I didn't even get through the first paragraph.. and I KNOW there's some good stuff down there! I just can't stomach to read all that.
--------------------
Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
|
cnla
recently joined
Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 4
|
|
My husband is trying to keep my son from me and I just needed some help knowing what I could do to get my son back to me.My husband said he wants either full custody, or for us all to live in the same house together..
I just need to know what I can do to see my son..
CN
|
Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
|
|
Are you divorced yet? Do you have an attorney yet?
|
cnla
recently joined
Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 4
|
|
No attorney!!(No money for it) and not divorced!! He wont give me one!!
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Your son belongs to both of you right now. That means either of you can take him and go wherever. If you can gather up proof that he's kept him from you, do it. Then if you can get to your son any way at all (like pick him up at school), do it, and go where he can't find you and file for emergency temporary custody.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
