boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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My son and I are not talking...his girlfriend(the mother of my 8 month old twin grandbabies) has NEVER liked me, and has made that well known to other people.Now my son won't even return my calls.I haven't decided if it is because of his fear of making her mad(he is afraid to lose his kids if she goes wacko again), or if he has some long-standing anger towards me. I have tried EVERYTHING to get thru to my son to no avail.I am prepared to go to court to seek visitation with my grandson and grand daughter if necessary, but I REALLY don't want to take my son to court!
What do I do?!? I am losing my mind crying daily missing those babies.
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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Buckeye
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Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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Don't do it because almost no courts will give you rights for visitation if YOUR son doesn't want you to see them.
I know this will be hard to do but just stop bothering them. Maybe he will come to his senses soon.
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Rebecca5
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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Some states award grandparent rights....some don't. If your state is one that does, it will be an expensive undertaking that may gain you something like 1 day a month. I'd be patient and wait.
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Buckeye
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Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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Most states will not award grandparent rights IF the parent is still alive and doesn't want visitation to happen.
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boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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I have kept trying because I didn't want him to think I had written them off....even though they have. I heard from my son's grandmother(his dad's mom with whom he has frequent contact) that Mali,my granddaughter, had to have bloodwork done because a spot she has had on her hand since birth is changing in size and color. I left him a message that I was worried and I wanted, and had a RIGHT to know, what was going on with my granddaughter. Guess what?! NO RESPONSE....I am dealing with skin cancer myself, and am so afraid that this precious baby has inherited something from me, which I think the doctors should know about, but I can't do that either.People have told me to just "show up" and demand to see them, but knowing HER, she'd have me arrested....I for the life of me do not know why this girl hates me. I have never done or said anything to her. The only reasoning I can come up with is she never had a close relationship with ANYone in her family, and thus expects Chris(my son) to do the same.....
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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Buckeye
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Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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[quote]and had a RIGHT to know [/quote]
I can see the problem right now. You DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT to know. You may want to know, you may be worried, you may be interested, but you DO NOT have the RIGHT to know.
Back off before they get a RO against you. YOU are making the situation worse.
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Maury
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Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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"Most states will not award grandparent rights IF the parent is still alive and doesn't want visitation to happen."
Proviso: So long as neither parent supports the visitation.
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boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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I am at my wits end...I CANNOT just set back and forget about my grandchildren, especially when one may be facing serious health issues! PLEASE do not tell me that I am the problem here.I have done NOTHING but try to help these kids.I need some serious advice, NOT criticism.The only thing I have not done, is go to where my son works and talk to him face to face.
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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what if the parents are not married? Here's a twist to this whole thing also....SHE called a couple of weeks ago(while I was at church) and left a message that the kids would be at their great Grandma's house, and if I wanted to see them, that would be a good time.That really threw me off, because she is the one I believe to be the source of all this discontent and strain in my relationship with my son.
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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Cost is not an object when it comes to my babies...NO, I DON'T have the money to fight it, nor do I have the emotional capacity to go thru it..all I am saying is, I would do anything to see those babies.(and yes, I really want to see my son)
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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Buckeye
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Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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You were given serious advice - YOU were the one that said you would take your son to court to get to see your grandchildren. You were also told that you DON'T have any rights to see your grandchildren unless the parents (and it doesn't matter if they are married or not) want you to see them.
I am sorry your grandchild is having health issues but that still doesn't give you the RIGHT to see them. Just remember these are NOT your children and you have NO RIGHTS to them.
So, since the mother called you to come see the kids, did you go?
My suggestion would be that you call them and see if the three of you can have a meeting (without the grandkids) and see if you can't get this situation ironed out. If they say yes, just remember their children are your grandkids, not your children so you have NO rights. If they say no, then there isn't a lot you can do about it.
I am just thinking that there is more to this story than you are telling. It isn't normal for people to cut off their relatives from the children unless something else has happened.
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boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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Yes, I went to see them.I HAVE attempted to call them, they don't answer my calls. I've sent letters,postcards, NO RESPONSE. And since you think there is more to this, here it is:Tristan has never been close to her family.Her mother died 2 years ago on Thanksgiving,and they had barely begun to speak then. Her father lives in AZ with a his wife that Tristan despises and makes no effort to hide that fact.SHE has taken B*#@h fits whenever anyone comes over unannounced, and takes it out on my son. He in turn then takes it out on me.She makes EVERYone call ahead before they come over, but has made it clear to other people that she doesn't want me around. This girl has a history of issues regarding anger management. She has threatened to run away, has mentioned that sometimes she wishes she could just put a blanket over the kids head and make them disappear,has called my son's grandmother(dad's dad) and screamed into the phone to "COME GET THESE DAMN KIDS!!! i CAN'T STAND THEM ANYMORE!" When her and my son have gotten into fights(which happens alot),she's told him on more than one occasion that she wanted him to take the kids, she would sign them over, and she never wanted to see any of them again. My son even called the police one day after receiving a call at work that she was "checking out".He flew home, and when the cops came, she acted like she didn't know what they were talking about.My son made an appt. with Family Services, and it is my understanding they went, but they have still had some "episodes" since then. I should also add that my son's father has NEVER had much to do with him at all, even though he lives a mere 1/8th of a mile from him,and has for years. My son is terrified his children will end up like he did...living without a father in their life, because she is always threatening she's going to leave the state. It is more HEARTS BELIEF that the reason Chris is NOT including me in his(their) life, is because he wants to keep peace and not get her "riled" again...even though he could still call me from work, and she'd never know......
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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Little confused and want to get a few more facts.
Am I to understand that your son doesn't live with this woman or was he away for work related travel?
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boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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Unfortunatly, they DO live together....well,I guess for the kids sake it is good that they are together...
When my son called the police that day, they told him the only thing he could do was to have her committed for physciatric evaluation, and they could only keep her for 72 hours. After that, be advised that given her state of mind, she'd be pretty p.o.'d, and could very well take off with them, since they are not married.(courts DO tend to side with the mother...even when all others see they shouldn't). Her own father told her to get her head out of her butt, that the world didn't revolve around her, and if she didn't straighten up, she WOULD lose the kids...
Does that tell you what you needed to know???
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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If your son wants to continue a relationship with this person, there isn't anything more you can do. Just stay out of it and hope that he finds a backbone to do what is needed to do.
He needs to document, document, document. If she needs a psychological examination, get it done. He should call the police and file the report if she is trying to harm the children.
Next, your son needs to see an attorney about his rights and his children's rights. Maybe he could have an emergency order giving him custody and then he can get out of the house or get her out of the house. But, he desperately needs an attorney.
Now for you, stay out of it! Just be there is he needs to drop off the children, etc. Don't say anything to him because if he decides to go back to her, guess what, you will be the loser. I know this is hard but you really need to step back.
As far as him calling you from work, yes, he could do that, but he isn't. Maybe he is embarrassed. Maybe he doesn't know what to do. Maybe he doesn't want to hear that you told him so. Maybe he is afraid you will try to take over. Who knows what his real reasons are.
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boilerbrat2000
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Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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You finally said something that "clicked".....his fear or imbarrassment.I thought about that for a long time, and finally realized this: Chris is 27, I am only 45....we BOTH have alot of living AND growing up to do, but at this point, he needs to do it in his space...he knows I love him and those babies very much, so I put a short note in the mail to him yesterday,telling him I would not bother him with this subject anymore, that it was his life, and I respected his wishes...and if he should decide the time is right to talk to me, then the ball was in his hands.Told him I loved them ALL very much, and signed it.
I HAVE to take this approach now, because I have a 12 year old daughter at home who needs me right now....she doesn't need to see her mother looking and acting like a train wreck.
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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You did wonderful. You did exactly the right thing. I know it is going to hard to step back and let him take care of it himself. And especially hard to not be able to see your grandchildren.
Our DD gave birth 10 weeks early last year. While I would have loved to been at the hospital every day to see the baby, hubby and I had to step back and let them do the parenting and inviting. About a week went by and DD called and said don't you want to see the baby? Well, of course we do. So, from then on, we had regularly scheduled visits until the baby went home (and now we have regularly scheduled visits at home). Personally, I would love to see DGD everyday but it is their child, not mine.
Good luck to you and keep us advised of how things are going.
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boilerbrat2000
recently joined
Reged: 04/19/06
Posts: 10
Loc: Indiana,U.S.S.
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Thank you...and it WORKED.....he called me today, said he got my latest letter. To make a long story short,I am going over there tomorrow..ALONE....I told him I didn't want to discuss what had happened in the past or what was allegedly said...all I cared about was getting this family back together.
I'll keep you informed...and again...THANK YOU for being here...it has made a BIG difference!!
Colleen
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The Only Things In Life You Truly regret, Are The Risks You Didn't take...
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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I'm so glad it worked out or at least is improving. Best wishes!
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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I di d not read teh replies and only your post. However,based on recent Supreme COurt cases that enforced parental rights, chances of obtaining grandparent's visitation is slim if neither parent will agree to that contact. There are some exceptions. Generally, those exceptions only apply if the grandparents have cared for the child for a significant period of time in their home as if they were the parents.
I know that is bad news.
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puppyfeet
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Reged: 01/29/08
Posts: 3
Loc: South Carolina
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Now wait a minute, our daughter has been off and on not talking to us. She calls us when she wants something using our twin grandbabies as pawns. We love our daughter and the babies greatly and she knows it and uses it to her advantage. The people she is living with have talked her into changing the babies last names to theirs this time knowing that the real father doesn't know. ((YET)) They have done this and have since filed for public assistance using this false info. These people have proven to be very obsesive and keep refering to our daughter as theirs. She is only 19 and very immpresionable. She is on medication that this woman got from her doctor and I don't know what it is. So yes kids do things like that for no apparent reson. I sayput up a good fight , seek legal representation and collect all the documents you can to help you in court. Find out all your rights and never ever give up. Eventually only works occasionally.
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