exmilksupplier
recently joined
Reged: 04/14/06
Posts: 2
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I am putting this post here because I honestly don't know where else it should go. Well, here goes. I need advice on what I can do to protect my daughter, LEGALLY. I am not concerned for the rights of the grandfather who molested her. I am about to divorce her father. I am afraid that once we are apart, wether during separation, divorce, or postdivorce, that my daughter will once again be exposed to the presence of her grandfather. I want only to keep that from happening. All other divorce issues are secondary. She was almost 5 when she described how he exposed himself to her. She is now almost 8. My husband did nothing to deal with this situation. There was no action taken. I approached grandfather with this info. He denied. I prohibited him to be in her presence perminantly and that is how it has been. My STBX can not Emotionally deal with this issue and has chosen to ignore it even though he admits the destruction that it has caused. He seems more concerned with his own than his daughters. (btw, she was very little when this happened and seems to be doing well. I am like a hawk, watching for any signs of emotional trauma. It seems to be something that she may have been too young to remember. I'm not sure if I should bring it up to her and take the chance of drudging up a bad memory or let it go. The latter may be better for her.) I feel her father will allow contact again. This CANNOT happen. Her grandfather is a sick man. Help,please.
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spiritedone
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 155
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I'm not sure what your options will be since nothing was filed when this happened. The fact that your STBX did not and has not dealt with this issue and continues to ignore it is not going to help the situation or your daughter.
It will be hard to tell if she remembers the incident you describe or not. I'm not sure it is important that she does or not. What is important is to talk to her about "bad" touches and inappropriate behavior, whether it be someone she knows or a stranger, so that she is not taken advantage of by anyone ever again and will feel comfortable in reporting it if it does ever happen.
Unfortunately, if your STBX does not acknowledge the incident and does allow his father access to your daughter unsupervised there will be little you can do about it. I would get the advice of your lawyer about this though. It may be hard to "prove" it unless your STBX is willing to admit it happened. If he is, then I would have it put in the CO that your STBX father is prohibited from spending time alone with his granddaughter. Are you able to talk to your STBX and get him to commit to protect your daughter from his father?
I'm curious is there a "grandmother" in the picture?? or some female who is married or otherwise involved with this man?? If so, is she aware of the situation??
Good luck, divorce is tough enough without the added stress of an issue such as this, especially for the children involved.
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live today like it's your last, for tomorrow may not come.
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needy
enthusiast
Reged: 01/18/06
Posts: 312
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Put it into the divorce that the child cannot be with that grandfather without the father physically being in the room with her. That can be put into the decree and if it happens than put in contempt charge Child is old enough to tell. Maybe she won't remember the incident when she was 5 but you are going forward and she can tell if left alone with the grandfather.
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exmilksupplier
recently joined
Reged: 04/14/06
Posts: 2
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Thanx for your concerns. Do you think that some type of restraining order would be appropriate. You see, I don't believe my STBX has the ability to deal with this and do what needs to be done to protect her emotionally. He may not ever allow her to be alone with her grandfather. But just being around him at all is not in her best interest. Just today, I found out that he took her to grandfather's house to drop off another family member. He just doesn't have the sense to see how wrong that is. I put it to him like this, "If she was older and was raped by him, would you drive her to the place where she was raped?" He had no decent answer for this. Therefore, I need the grandfather to know that if HE is anywhere near her, that legal action will be taken. Plain and simple. I just wondered what is the best way to go about this considering that we are only separated and have not filed for divorce. How can I protect her between now and then? and Once I file, what action can be taken with her father if he does not do what is required of him to protect her? Oh, you asked about a grandmother. Well, he was married twice but divorced both times. I've only talked with exwife #1 about this and she admitted to me that there is definetly something wrong with him. Wife #2 has a daughter who was exposed to him as a child and has also accused him of these same issues. He is without a doubt disturbed.
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Freespirit
recently joined
Reged: 10/29/06
Posts: 4
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I know all to well about this. I am the victim of being molested by my father and raped at the age 4. Some people think that not talking about it is a good thing but as the mother of 4 children. Mind you I don't talk about this everyday but I have learned to talk about it and it not bother me as much as it did. Actually it has made me a strong person.I have told my children about it and how I feel. They will never had contact with their grandfather as long as I am alive I will protect my children from this ever happening again.
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