Dannysmommy
recently joined
Reged: 01/27/05
Posts: 17
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Hi, My husband and I have joint custody at this point, each of us having 3 days in the home as I have stated in previous posts. Last night as I was getting my son ready to take a bath I noticed bruises on him. Several bruises, they appear to be thumb prints, as well as one on his jaw that he told me he got when "daddy put his hand over my mouth when I was screaming". I took him to the hospital, since being it is Sunday his regular dr. wasn't available, and made a police report as well. Tomorrow morning my husband will pick him up for daycare (that I don't want him in, in the 1st place, but my husband insists upon bringing him there), which was ordered by the court. What I am wondering is can I refuse to let my husband take him, we don't have court until Friday, but I am so worried about my little boy, especially after the tapes and now the bruises. Any advice? My attorney said to take him to the hospital and file a report, but I havent spoken to him since. I appreciate all your help.
Genny
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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You can also call Child Protective Services and they may stop him from being able to pick the child up until this is heard. If the police and doctors also felt the bruises were from abuse, I think you have more than enough proof that he's going to need to answer for.
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Char Fox
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Dannysmommy
recently joined
Reged: 01/27/05
Posts: 17
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Hi, I had to send my son out to his father this morning, and it was just awlful. It literally took him a half hour to get my son buckled up to leave, all the while my son cried and screamed he didn't want to go to daycare. My atty is going to court today to get an emergency order from the judge. We have court on Friday, but I can't leave my child with a man who is terrorizing him. I am very afraid of what will happen. I also agree that I have more than enough proof to prove my case, and pray that the judge sees this as well. If the judge doesn't see this then I will definately be calling protective services this afternoon. Thanks for the advice.
Genny
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Tim27
recently joined
Reged: 04/14/05
Posts: 2
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I highly suggest that you both seek Co-parenting counseling. I recently completed this in NY through Catholic charities. Parents attend seperately and in most cases the courts are now requiring this for all seperated parents. I was sceptecle at first but the program really helped us resolve our conflicts and relieved a great deal of stress giving both of us peace of mind. (and no it's not a catholic program)
It seems like your spouse has some anger problems which he may need counseling for. If you give those tapes to your lawyer then the judge just may demand this from him also.
I sympethize with you and your husband. This is probably the most ugly thing to have to go through while your son is stuck in the middle.
When going through conflict with my ex, I give us both credit for keeping our daughter isolated from it. She is 4 years old also. When our conflicts became heated, at least one of us at all times had enough sense to leave before a shouting match began. This is damaging to a child and can cause emotional stress (constant crying and temper tantrums)
Berating you in front of your child is also damaging and a judge will not look kindly on this especially if you have proof. The Co-parenting class shows parents the effects that this behavior and other bad behaviors have on children. This could benefit your husband greatly.
As far as the abuse goes, be careful when accusing him unless you are absolutley sure.
It sounds like your husband obviously loves your son if he is fighting for custody. Don't assume it is always about money. In New York, Custody and Child support are two seperate issues and go before two seperate judges. He could end up having the majority of time with your son or even given custodial rights, this does not necessarily mean that he will be able to get out of paying child support to you, especially if you are not at the same income level as he is.
As with the bruises, my daughter has bruises everyday, not because she is abused but because she is a little kid that runs around at daycare and bumps into things. She is still a bit clumsy on her feet as I'm sure your son is too. Boys are especially rectless when playing.
Putting his hand on your sons mouth is unacceptable, but if your son was screaming and he did this for only a minute to quiet him, I don't think CPS or the courts will see this as abuse.
It also sounds like you are stressed to the max, you could probably use someone to talk to or counseling to get you through this. Try to relax and remember that your husband loves your son as much as you do. Just try to keep your head up and keep hope alive knowing that things will eventually get better for all of you after adjusting to life after divorce.
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sugarb
enthusiast
Reged: 12/16/04
Posts: 375
Loc: In the Heartland on America
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I must disagree with you on covering your child's mouth to silence him and I pray the courts see it as I do. My ex and I had a violent relationship. When he was attacking me, I would scream because I knew he would leave me alone then. (He didn't want the neighbors to hear.) There were a couple of times when I threatened to scream & let the neighbors know. Before I could, he covered my mouth with his hand hard enough to leave bruises. Another time there were nail marks in my cheek & nose from his compressed hand. When he did that, immediately panic sets in. If I had shed any tears in the incident, then my nose was stuffy and it made it difficult, if not impossible to breath. His attempts to silence me instead through me into a fit to save my life. Have you ever had your breathing resticted by someone or something? Your natural reaction is to panic. I nearly died in one of these episodes and I am a grown woman.
Imagine resticting the breathing of a small child? If it was his intention to stop a tantrum, I imagine the child shed a few tears in that tantrum. I bet his tiny nose gets stuffed up much easier than your nose or mine.
Resticting ones breathing is abuse and I pray the courts will see it as I do.
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married2satan
recently joined
Reged: 10/10/06
Posts: 7
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I'm in the middle of a nasty divorce right now and my soon to be ex was very abusive. He nearly killed me one night and actually believe I was dead when he decided to smother me with his hand while telling me that tonight your gonna die and how he should have done it a long time ago. My oldest daughter was 9 at the time and walked in and witnessed him doing this to me and was able to stop him finally. This was many years ago, but is not something easily forgotten. I remember my soon to be ex denying to myself and my daughter that it even happened (my entire backside was black and photos were taken). I remember at the time wondering what it had done to my daughter seeing what she saw and how it would affect her. Well I will tell you that after several years we still don't go into the room it happened in. She still to this day pushes a chair in front of the door of the room it happened in and has brought it up many times to me. She told me that night so long ago changed her life forever. Well with my pending divorce I wrote in a statement about that night and provided photos from that night and others. My soon to be ex told my daughter she needed to lie and tell anyone who might ask that it never happened. Doing it to a adult is bad enough and twisted, but to do it to a innocent child goes way past twisted and my soon to be ex fits into that beyond twisted catagory as well. It's wrong and he has no idea how much damage it can do. Sorry for the vent, but guess I can relate. I'm sorry your child has had to endure what he has and you as well. Good Luck
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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"What I am wondering is can I refuse to let my husband take him, we don't have court until Friday, but I am so worried about my little boy, especially after the tapes and now the bruises. Any advice?"
If you have an order, you follow the order. If you have sufficient evidence to change the order, you seek an ex parte (emergency order) and report it to child protection.
I would suggest, you do not have enough for an ex parte order. You must file a Motion, but you must be able to prove teh allegations. A medical expert's opinion would provide support.
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