Kimberlydawn79
journeyman
Reged: 05/11/06
Posts: 73
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I am divorced and have two children from my ex husband. He was apart in raising them, and he was a loving dad. Thats about the only good thing i can say about him. we are divorced and he took off out of state a little over a year ago. He Doesnt call, he doesnt pay support which is going on about 6,0000 dollars behind. He has only visited twice. I am glad he has no custody of them because he would be endagering them. But, My girls love their daddy, and sometimes asks questions like where he is or why doesnt he come see them. When he used to call he cried the whole time, and then said it was just too hard on him to call. I would have never said he couldnt see his kids, or talk to them. I just wonder what am I supposed to tell my girls. They are 4 and 6. I am remarried to a wonderful man, who loves the girls and totally supports them. But they know who their daddy is. ANy advice?
Edited by Kimberlydawn79 (05/11/06 09:54 AM)
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xyz1
member
Reged: 10/21/05
Posts: 106
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What I told my oldest son when he was younger and going through the same thing is this:
"Some times even us adults need to have some time to get our lives in order...and figure out what we are doing with our lives...that might be what you dad is trying to do right now. I am not sure how long it will take but you can be sure of one thing...he loves you very much and I am sure you are in his heart and mind all the time. And your dad knows that you are being well taken care of by me and XXXXX, so he knows your safe and sound."
It helped my son deal with it all...his dad didn't see him from birth until around 8 yrs old...he did pay his child support weekly and I could not understand why he didn't want to see the child he was paying for but hey everyone is different. When he got married to his wife he started seeing my son but only everyother weekend for one day about 3 or 4 hours...it wasn't much but my son was happy with it. He hasn't seen him in three years since we moved 700 miles away (he didn't care that we moved) but he does call once sometimes twice a month. I have offered to fly him up there to visit (my son is 16 and attends school full time and works part time...very grown up for his age) but his dad has never let him stay over night...so who knows.
That is just how I handled it...you could change it around a little to fit the age and all but at least the child walks away from the talk feeling like they are special and not like they are unloved.
Good luck
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Kimberlydawn79
journeyman
Reged: 05/11/06
Posts: 73
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Thanks, i really appreciate the advice! Situations like these, its nice to know others have been there done that and want to help!
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mojo
recently joined
Reged: 06/11/06
Posts: 1
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4 and 6 ..your kids are teeny. I would tell them they are great kids and you love them.I would explain over and over that his not seeing them is not their fault. I would aknowledge their feelings and tell them you know how difficult it is to not see him. I would tell them you wish he would see them. I would tell them when they get older they will understand more.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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When he used to call he cried the whole time, and then said it was just too hard on him to call.
---> Been there, done that.
---> There is a movied called "The Client" with Susan Sarandon; in it her character is asked if she misses her kids (she's a NCP) and she said: "So much, that sometimes I don't even think about them because it hurts so bad". Fortunately I was sitting at home alone when I saw, because it hit me so hard, that I broke down and bawled like a baby for almost an hour.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Muad_Dib
member
Reged: 10/25/05
Posts: 199
Loc: Oregon
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Lets hope your new flame understands the risk he is taking re financial support for you and the kids. How long until you are hitting him up for alimony and CS ?
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One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word.
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das555
newbie
Reged: 07/16/06
Posts: 29
Loc: Indiana
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Your reply was harsh and completely out of context. It seems to me you have some serious pesonal issues yourself that perhaps you should be asking some advice for them!
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Rozy1
recently joined
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 2
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Well she is remarried and still looking to take her ex's money isn't she?
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