LLL
recently joined
Reged: 08/07/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Hawaii
|
|
I have a slight problem and don't even know where to begin. I have physical custody of my three children but we share legal joint custody my ex and I who currently resides in Texas. He has since re-married and his new wife is making demands that I have to give them information such as addresses, phone numbers and names of the children's sitters, my work, my boyfriend's information who lives with us, and school addresses, phone numbers etc. Does she have any legal right to this? She says she does since she is their legal stepmother, I believe they are jockeying to try and take custody of the two younger children which they have stated they will try and do. The children visited their dad for the first time in three years and now he has decided to do a 180 and be the great dad. He only pays $400 a month in child support for three children. I pay for everything. Now they are saying I don't provide a good education for the children or a good living environment. They said slanderous things to the children, I have made every effort to be cooperable but now feel like I'm really getting stepped on.
|
strong4myson
journeyman
Reged: 08/04/04
Posts: 57
|
|
First of all as the step-mother, SHE has no rights. If your ex wants that info, ask him why. My ex has rights to school info but all the personal stuff is none of their business. And I know in my paper work somewhere it states neither party is allowed to talk crap about the other parent in front of the kids. I don't know if this kind of thing fall under contempt of court charge. It sounds like you have what I have - a new wife in the picture that is going to cause you a great deal of pain. Like someone advised me - keep a journal and start now. If this goes to court you will be ready to fight back. Good Luck!
|
Jarenblue
newbie
Reged: 06/16/04
Posts: 25
|
|
She is right about not giving your boyfriends info unless it states so in the custody order. As far as the school, home and work go, these are usually a part of the rights of a parent. If you have nothing to hide, then why worry??
|
Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
|
|
is NOT entitled to ANY information about the children or anything. Your ex, however, is entitled to some of the requested information: sitters names and addresses, school names and addresses, boyfriend's name (since he does live with the children)...but nothing else. Other than being able to reach you in an emergency, I believe where you work in none of his business also.
As far as custody change, there must be a substantial reason for a change. Just because they now want the kids is not enough. Just what is supposedly wrong with their school and their environment? Is it the boyfriend? What state are you in? I have the same situation, but the judge totally ignored the cohabitation...it's not a big deal. There must be a real danger to the children...not just that they don't like the fact that you're not married. Of course, this is California.
$400 per month for 3 kids child support isn't very much. do you make close to the same money? When was the last time you had a CS review?
|
LLL
recently joined
Reged: 08/07/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Hawaii
|
|
I have nothing to hide, my concern was the school info address. when we went through our divorce he threatened to take the children and run plus he was stalking me wait for outside of my work all hours try to find where I was living et cetra. Had to have a TRO on him. Once he left the state it was easier breathing but now I'm just worried they would show up and try to leave with the kids. Don't want to be paranoid either. Have a journal of everything.
|
LLL
recently joined
Reged: 08/07/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Hawaii
|
|
I live in Hawaii. My daughter and son our dyslexic and require special needs. My daughters grades are a C average, my son is also ADHD. (They also did not keep him on his special diet)When they were visiting their Dad I had spent over $250 on summer school programing since they were suppose to do continuing education. The Dad and step-mom didn't see that one page of homework was completed. So i'm not sure why they are bringing up the school issue. I think the environment issue is that we are not married but co-habitating but the situation is safe no reason for alarm. I use to work with children at risk so I'm very aware of negative situations, plus they stressed to the kids that we live in an apartment and they have a house with a yard, and they have all his family over there. Really I don't think there is anything consequental about it but just a point of trying to rattle my cage but I do know they are serious about pursuing custody. What is the difference between legal and physical. Do you know if both of their incomes can be considered for Child support or is it his alone. I was stupid because I settled for the $400 at the time of the divorce just because I wanted to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship and at times I feared physical as well i just wanted him to sign the papers.
|
Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
|
|
about when he has visitation. Take a copy to the school and put it on file with the office. Make sure they understand that under no circumstances is your ex allowed to come to the school to claim the children. They should contact you for verification should he do so. Now...if your visitations orders are not specific, I don't know what you can do...because joint legal custody certainly would allow the father the right to take the kids out of school.
|
Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
|
|
Since you said your ex left the state, I"m assuming that was where you lived in the marriage and your orders are from Hawaii. Considering the high cost of living there, I"m surprised that your CS is only $400 per month.
Anyway...considering the special problems that your kids face, they aren't doing poorly in school. Apartment living is not detrimental to the children. If that were the case, no one living in Manhattan would be allowed to have custody of their children.
Legal custody means decision making for major issues such as medical treatment, religious upbringing, and educational decisions. Physical custody means who do they live with. I have sole legal and physical. I have final say on anything involving the kids...as a courtesy I need to discuss the situation with Dad...get his opinion...but ultimately what I decide is what goes. He can complain to the court, but it wouldn't do any good unless I was doing something horrible.
As for your child support, I don't know the method of calculation for Hawaii. Go to www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport and enter in your best estimates on the questions it asks. It's pretty darned close for California. It appears that Hawaii uses both parent's income...but not the spouses. Her income doesn't enter into the picture, except usually because of the increased tax bracket, there is some tax credit for your ex. Your boyfriend's income naturally doesn't count either.
I did the same thing you did. I wanted the divorce process to get over with, so I agreed to less support than my attorney said I should have gotten. At that time, it was adequate and I just wanted things to end with as little hostility as possible. A year later, ex took me to court to try and eliminate support because of the boyfriend...and I ended up getting an increase to what it should have been in the first place. You may want to consider filing to increase your CS based upon current earnings and the amount of time your ex spends with the kids....He might counter with a change of custody, but the judge would see through that as retaliation and an attempt to avoid CS.
|
LLL
recently joined
Reged: 08/07/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Hawaii
|
|
In the divorce decree it states that mother has been awarded physical custodywith a detailed visitation/time sharing schedule which is as follows. in the event father remains a resident of Hawaii visitation will be every other weekend with reasonable after school visitation in as it does not disrupt daily school schedule. Children's birthdays can be shared along with special holidays will be alternated if father changes residency he is responsible for bringing and returning children for summer visitation.
|
Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
|
|
and show them some other sort of proof that father no longer resides in Hawaii, so that he is not entitled to claim the children at school. Perhaps you could suggest to them that if he were to come to claim them he would then have to show proof of residency in order to fall back on the previous visitation schedule.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
