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jeanette
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What to do?? Grandmother won't give son back
      #129914 - 07/25/06 08:31 PM

I sent my son to my mother's house in Va. early June to spend the summer with her and now she won't give him back. My son is 15 yrs old and he is wants to stay and I said no. Now my mother won't give him back. She has started a LOT of trouble using my new husband has the bait. Yes my son is upset because of me and his father divorce and me remarrying. Me and my new husband have 7 kids all together and 4 of the children are living in our home and they are all teenagers....18, 17, 16 & 15. My 18 year old daughter has caused alot of tension in our home and due to her continuing to sneak out of the house to see a boy I finally kicked her out....and she is now living with my mother. My son is very upset about all this and he doesn't want to come home.
I love my son very much and I want him home. My mother is speakign with a lawyer tomorrow to try to fight for custody. She's already talked to the local high school to get him registered but they said she must have legal court document of custody before enrolling.
I've asked her several time to put him on an airplane and send him home and she refuses.
My husband and I are facing no option but to drive to VA from FL and get my son with police escort. I've begged them not to let it get that far but she has backed me into a corner. My ex husband, my son's father, lives in FL also and he agrees he needs to come home.

My question is....is there anything I can do to make her put him on the airplane so I don't have to make such a dramatic scene infront of my son? Does she have a legally right to keep him?


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Buckeye
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Re: What to do?? Grandmother won't give son back [Re: jeanette]
      #129918 - 07/25/06 09:06 PM

I think you need to talk to an attorney. S/he could advise you what your options are and maybe even contact her attorney.

One of the problems is that if this goes to court, at 15, your son would have a lot of say to the judge as to where he would like to live. The judge may say he stays with grandma or he may say, too bad, the mother and father live in Florida, you are going back.

Either way, you still need an attorney.

Edited by Buckeye (07/25/06 09:09 PM)


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MetalMom
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Re: What to do?? Grandmother won't give son back [Re: Buckeye]
      #130210 - 07/26/06 10:10 PM

Jeanette, I read your post on the SF board too & I really feel for you! What makes your mother think she should do this? Without more details on her thought process, it sounds like a superiority complex. I've had problems with my extended family buying a kid's sob story & undermining me. It turned out disastrous. In hindsight, I'd probably have said "Fine, keep her & YOU deal with it if you know so much." Either that, or shut them out of your family's life until the kids are adults. Because as long as they have contact with the kids, they WILL interfere & make your life a living He11.

So, that's my advice - if you go to get him, you'll have to stop all contact with your interfering mother. Keep in mind that if you take option 1 (letting her keep him), you risk her alienating him from you forever. So only do that if option 2 is impossible.

Legally, I have no idea. It depends on her grounds. But if I were the judge, I'd tell Grandma to stop interfering or I'll put a R/O on her a$$.

I wonder how much of the upcoming generation's sense of entitlement comes from these interfering grandparents. It's certainly not how I was raised. MY grandmother would NEVER undermine my mother. If I went to her with a sob story, she'd tell me to respect my mother or SHE'D take me out. Not my mom... Teenager whines about the (lenient) rules/consequences... she says: "I wish you two would find some common ground to get along." This is not a sibling argument! I'm the MOTHER! Meanwhile, the kid feels totally justified in her complaints & she's supported in mouthing off at me about it. (Consequences don't work on this kid, because getting other adults on her side is her reward.)

I've vented long enough... Good luck with your son & please keep us posted!

--------------------
"Don't pee on my leg & tell me it's raining." - Judge Judy


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jeanette
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Re: What to do?? Grandmother won't give son back [Re: MetalMom]
      #130435 - 07/27/06 05:19 PM

Thanks for your comments. This mess has gotten so out of control. I tried calling my kids but no one will answer. My mom's husband does talk to me via email from his work but only to tell me to do the right thing and let my son stay. Right thing for whom? Them?

My son just wants to stay there because he gets to fish and hunt all the time. We dont' do much of that here in Florida. Yes, my and my 18 yrs old daughter constantantly agrued but only because she was mouthly and disrespectful. Now that she is gone our come is much calmer.

All I keep hearing from everyone is he wants to stay. Hell I want to win the lottery too. My mom just sent me an email 2 days ago telling me that she was not my mother anymore and I wasn't welcome in her home. Then my step father tells me that they will never keep Tyler away from me. ... he give me his word. Yeah right.

Get this. About 2 years ago me and my ex-husband (the kids dad) went thru a divorce after being married for 16 yrs. Yes it was very hurtful for all of us. I was very emotional. My mother and I communicated via email alot. Do you know she told me that she has saved every email and printed every email of mine for 2 yrs and she's going to show the courts how unstable I am. Can you believe that? Unstable?? Hell yeah I was unstable. I was going thru a divorce......I lost my house.... my kids were hurting....my ex-husband wasn't paying childsupport.....my ex-husband was very mean and hateful. I had no family around....just me and my kids. Not to mention my daughter was turning 16 yrs old and she was being her teenage self.
Now I'm remarried...have a great home...a great job. But I have 4 teenagers in the house to deal with....plus two other teenagers that come over every other weekend....so that's sometimes 6 teenagers me and my husband have to deal with.

Now I'm dealing with a bad-stabing mother who is trying to talk my son. And on what grounds? Because he wants too??

And you are so right....in our generation there would be no way I could go to my grandmother and tell her bad things about my mom. She would get a stick and beat me all the way home. hehe~

You;re exactly right. When he gets home I am cutting off all ties with this woman. The computer goes in my room and I'm taking off the long-distance on the house phone where he can't call her...and I'm changing my home phone number. This woman is something else.

Thanks for listening. It helps getting thing off your chest sometimes.


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MetalMom
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Re: What to do?? Grandmother won't give son back [Re: jeanette]
      #130459 - 07/27/06 06:45 PM

I can't imagine having a mother who would go as far as to take your personal emails and use PRIVATE thoughts you sent to her - YOUR MOTHER - against you in court!

Check out this group - you may find it very helpful to vent to people there. You should just copy & paste your story to post it to them. They'll be very supportive of your decision to cut off you toxic mother:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Adultchildren_divorcing_their_parents/

--------------------
"Don't pee on my leg & tell me it's raining." - Judge Judy


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jeanette
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Re: What to do?? Grandmother won't give son back [Re: MetalMom]
      #130477 - 07/27/06 08:35 PM

Thanks MetalMom. I just registerd for membership on this website you gave me.

I just heard from my son tonight. My God, I have my work cut out for me when he gets back home. It looks like I will be driving to VA next weekend to get him...probably kicking and screaming with the police escort.

I am so not ready for all this.


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Maury
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Re: What to do?? Grandmother won't give son back [Re: jeanette]
      #133646 - 08/08/06 11:19 PM

Your options are --go there and seek enforcementof the order; or file a Motion for contempt with an Order to Show Cause which requires her to produce the child in court. The other party would ubndoubtedly file a Motion for a change of custody as a response. At the first hearing you would argue for an immediate change pending the final determination.

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tsl
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Re: Jeanette...whatever happened??? [Re: Maury]
      #139896 - 08/25/06 07:59 AM

Did u get son back?

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Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."


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jeanette
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Re: Jeanette...whatever happened??? [Re: tsl]
      #141305 - 08/29/06 06:40 PM

Just an update. Well, my mother called DCF and filed a abuse and neglect charges on me. A full investigation was done on me, my husband and my home and no signs of abuse or neglect was found. The DCF worker then called my mother and her husband and told them them MUST send Tyler back home. The next day I got an email from my mother telling me to send her the flight arrangements. Needless to say I told her she was the one who created this mess so she can make her own flight arrangments. She was told on a Friday that she had until that Monday to return Tyler to me. So you can only imagine the cost of a last minute flight from Washington DC to Florida was. (** not my problem).
Since my son has been home thing have been better.

Now as far as my 18 yr old daughter...she is still there with my mother. She understands that right now in order to say our relationship as mother and daughter that its best that she finish out her senior year there and return for college this summer. My daughter told me today when ever she talks to me on the phone grandma gets mad. She said that she shouldn't forgive me for what making her leave. But my daughter understands that I only did what's best and she assures me that she knows how to filter throw grandma's crap. hehe~ (Like mother like daughter).

I appreciate all the comments everyone gave. It helps to talk with others who experience the same issues.

Take care!


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