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lostinnj
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Reged: 08/03/06
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in need of advice
      #132140 - 08/03/06 06:00 PM

I have been married for 5 years this past February. We have been together for 8 years and have a 3 yo daughter. I don't quite know when things went wrong, I think it was when I got pregnant and we stopped drinking so much. It seems like that's the only time we really get along these days, when we drink. He has told me that he never wanted our daughter, that he doesn't know why he married me in the first place and that he doesn't know if he wants us in his future. He has also told me that he didn't mean what he said. He has told both me and our daughter that he wants to kill himself everyday. He told a friend of his that "between the wife and a 3 yo he's ready to jump out a window". I mentioned counseling and he refuses. I don't know what to do ... but I have recently started to have some feelings for another man. I would never have an affair, but I think about this other man a lot. Any thoughts or suggestions??

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matart1
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Reged: 09/01/05
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Re: in need of advice [Re: lostinnj]
      #132141 - 08/03/06 06:12 PM

your husband is either real wishy washy or extremely depressed, I'm really leaning towards the latter.

you at the moment should not be concentrating on another man but your 3 yr old and the fact that your husband is potentionally unstable at this time and your marriage is in crisis.

your hormones can wait I think.

those are pretty strong words your husband is saying and it should be a wake up call and not a time for a booty call.

you have a 3 yr old who could be in danger, you have yourself who could be in danger and you have your husband who could be in danger.

does your husband listen to another person better than say your?
does he have a best friend whom he might listen to?
maybe you might also need to look into what it would take to have him attend counseling even if it is against his will.

--------------------
Life is a long lesson in humility.


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Buckeye
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Re: in need of advice [Re: lostinnj]
      #132142 - 08/03/06 06:13 PM

Sounds like your husband is in depression. I think he needs to see a doctor first.

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lostinnj
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Reged: 08/03/06
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Re: in need of advice [Re: Buckeye]
      #132149 - 08/03/06 06:49 PM

I don't know who my husband would listen to. I haveeven thought about talking to his mom. I love my daughter more than anything but do not want to take her away from her daddy. I am just really unsure what would happen if I had him involuntarily committed or something.

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Buckeye
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Re: in need of advice [Re: lostinnj]
      #132157 - 08/03/06 07:09 PM

I didn't mean committed - they try a course of anti-depression pills and see how it goes.

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Rebecca5
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Re: in need of advice [Re: lostinnj]
      #132291 - 08/04/06 10:36 AM

Suggestion #1....let go of the other man until you get your current situation squared away. It does a huge disservice to your marriage and your child to not focus completely on the commitment you have already made.

Suggestion #2....Get yourself into counseling. While it doesn't appear as though you're the one with issues, living with a partner who is going through troubling times can take its toll. One of you has to be on the ball to take care of your child.

Suggestion #3....Rally support for your spouse. If he has a friend that he confides in, ask for his/her help. If he's close to a parent or employer, ask for their help. He needs to get into counseling.

Lastly....Rule #1....if you honestly think, at any time, that he's a danger to himself or other people....protect yourself and your child first. Seek advice from a local counselor about what resources are available to you.


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Gecko
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Re: in need of advice [Re: lostinnj]
      #132520 - 08/04/06 08:19 PM

I don't know what to do ... but I have recently started to have some feelings for another man. I would never have an affair, but I think about this other man a lot. Any thoughts or suggestions??

---> Yeah...dump the other man until you get your life straightened out.

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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I_am_Jack
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Reged: 01/31/06
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Re: in need of advice [Re: Gecko]
      #133491 - 08/08/06 02:09 PM

I remember someone telling me once that you can't control who you fall in love with, only what you do about it. In your situation, I think its perfectly natural to start looking for alternatives to the lifestyle you are living. However, I agree with everyone else, finish what you already have on your plate before going back for seconds.

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Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras


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