2ndtimeround
recently joined
Reged: 07/21/06
Posts: 3
|
|
Here's the deal My ex & I have been divorced for 6.5 years. I am the CP of our 2 kids. She is supposed to pay however I haven't seen a check in over 3 years. I've gone to CSA, been to court so many times I can't even remember the number. CSA has done nothing to help, court is a joke. The last time I went was an order to lower payment, I laughed at the worker and asked her if I were going to have to pay the EX? Like I said have n't seen a check in over 3 years! The CS lawyer looked into it and said we have her now we're going to lock her up for a minimum of 3-5 years. Well that didn't happen! I guess what I'm trying to say is even in the time of equality men and women are treated different. My kids have been well taken care of. The oldest will be attending collage this fall, the other will be a junior in high school. It would be nice to get the back payments in one big fat check. Any ideas on how to get the courts to make her pay?
|
Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
|
|
Oh yeah, I too dream about that big fat lump-sum check of over $12,000 that my ex is in arrears. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Guess I'll have to dream on!
I don't think the courts are much better about collecting from men who are behind on CS than the women. Maybe a little bit. Truth is, they really don't want to put anyone in jail for CS and the ones that owe get out of it again and again. All I can think to tell you is to make sure that your CSE (child support enforcement) agency has her SS#. They can search for jobs she may have or even do a FIDM (federal income data match) where they can seize bank accounts etc. But, if she isn't working or flying under the radar by working for herself, I don't think there's much you can do. You WILL collect it someday - even if it's garnished out of her Social Security check. But, my advice is since your children's needs are being met, try not to let it bother you too much.
|
Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19807
Loc: Third rock from the sun
|
|
I guess what I'm trying to say is even in the time of equality men and women are treated different.
---> No they're not. Spend some time on the CS board and read the various stories of fathers who are tens of thousands and even hundreds of thousands of dollars behind and THEIR complaints that the courts/CSE aren't doing much.
---> What it comes down to is that it's far easier to get money out of someone who is willing, than someone that isn't, so it's the "willing" ones that get chased.
--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
...advances in the equality issue, men and women ARE treated differently. Just look at some of the remaining states that AUTOMATICALLY give custody to the mother. Or the recent loss of the "Roe vs Wade for men" issue. There are still a LOT of double standards out there.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19807
Loc: Third rock from the sun
|
|
...are discussing CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT...that's it!
If you want to debate "custody" or "abortion" issues, start another thread.
--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
|
nrvouswrk
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/13/06
Posts: 2362
|
|
If you figure out how to get that lump sum...please let us all know. My ex now owes over $27,000 in child support alone. It would make a nice down payment for my son's law school.
|
Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
|
|
"Just look at some of the remaining states that AUTOMATICALLY give custody to the mother."
I defy you to present a state law or case law that states that any parent, father or mother should "automatically" be given custody. As you know, that would not stand constitutional muster. That is an overbroad generalization.
It is true, however, that bias tends to lean in that direction with certain courts and certain Judges. However, you cannot paint it with such a broad brush.
|
LegallyAbused
recently joined
Reged: 09/10/06
Posts: 9
|
|
"Defy"? Try 'defying' the fact that the vast majority of judges (not just certain judges) side with the mother in ex parte situations. And since this is often the first exposure the judge has with anyone involved - that judge forms a large portion of his opinion right then and there. If the person (most often the mother) exaggerates, or (God forbid) outright lies - what is that judges opinion going forward towards the father? Nice setup.
Unfortunately prior to being my Ex, she was diagnosed with depression, and after the forced separation (ie: ex parte order) she was supposedly diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome – not to mention the physical and sexual abuse she suffered as a child.
I was/am a good Father. I love my children. I taught them right from wrong. I provided for them. I didn’t make them into my friends and confidants (unlike my Ex). I didn’t evict them from my household. I got on their case when their grades weren’t good, and applauded them when they were good. Under my Ex’s sole supervision - my oldest son barely finished high school. She evicted him from her household later that year. He started college, then after Christmas break – went back for a couple weeks, then quit, and she allowed him back into her place. Two of my other boy’s grades are much lower now. One of them was required to do summer school this year simply because he didn’t do the assignments. He did fine on the tests – just didn’t do the assignments…at home.
I used to run the I.T. Department at a manufacturing company. I got my education back in the early 80s. In the late 90s I bumped from company to company (3) increasing my income substantially until I was laid off along with 50 others in early 2002 due to “economic reasons”. What income do you think I’m pegged at for the support order?
Many things have changed: Start with the huge change in manufacturing employment that has occurred just in the State of Minnesota in the last 10 years - I watched the jobs of fathers (and mothers) get shipped out of the country. Then throw in Y2K, 9/11, and the Dot.Com bust, and I watched more jobs evaporate. Bring in a few million Mexicans, and watch jobs reduced to less than livable wages.
In 2002 - with a 20-year-old-education, I thought ‘Good time to renew the education, and then get back in the saddle.’ (I wasn’t alone in my thinking) Well my then insecure wife believed I’d meet a pretty young girl at the school, and leave her. Despite her unfounded fears – I chose to go to school. A month later she forced our separation – hence the ex parte reference. A few months later – under the guise of potential reconciliation – she black-mailed me into quitting school, and getting the job I mention below.
As far as child support enforcement... Take it from a father who knows ($50K+ owed BY me!!) - There is no reality in this area. The so-called 'enforcement' is a perverse joke from the non-custodial parent’s side of the picture. I was forced from my good employment (1st time) due to excessive support. Once unemployed – the arrears started to build. Yeah, yeah – tell Social Services you’re ‘not employed’ – How many brick walls do you know that listen to you?
I get back to work, and despite getting over $2K a month (and even at that the arrears continued to climb) in support from me (60% of my net income due to the arrears) – the law of the State of Minnesota says that they must take my driver’s license due to arrears - doesn’t matter that my job depends on it. Forced from obviously good employment (2nd time). Unemployed again – the arrears build further. The only recourse for the license is pay up at least half, and sign an agreement to stay current (laughable – couldn’t stay current even when she was getting $2K/month!). Do you have $7K (at that point in time) sitting around? I didn’t / don’t. You’ll say “Go back to Court and get it adjusted” – fat chance with no job, no money to pay for a decent lawyer, a waiting line of 2-3 (or more) years for Social Services to provide that kind of help (if ever), and a “conflict” with Legal Aid due to my Ex’s 20 minute phone call three years ago (after which she hired a private lawyer) – therefore no Legal Aid help. In addition – try eviction due to non-payment of rent – due to unemployment – due to no license - due to… you guessed it – the Law of the State of Minnesota. Add homeless to the list.
A few months later – employed again… Still no license, living / working in the back office of a strip mall, totally reliant on others for every transportation need (groceries, laundry, parenting time with children, etc., etc.). As long as I work for the low wages I get – I have a place to live with minimum, or no expense (my ‘home’ is 10’ x 12’ – how big are typical prison cells?). Take home(?) pay (after support is deducted) would probably be better at McDonalds – and a lot less hours.
How much help do you think Social Services provides a non-custodial Father with a decent ‘gross’ income? Help to have an actual home? Help with food? Help with medical (I’m also forced to pay for medical insurance out of my income – my income alone – before they take the 50% they’re now taking due to the arrears). Try – zero “0” help. Which part of the strip mall do you think my children should sleep in when they come to visit me?
I’d like a life – a life outside of a 10’ x 12’ room. A driver’s license would be nice so that I could actually see my children once in awhile, and maybe a place of my own where my children could sleep comfortably if / when I could afford to have them over. I’d like nothing more than to pay a reasonable amount of support for my own children – an amount that allows me to live, and maybe even enjoy life.
~“What it comes down to is that it's far easier to get money out of someone who is willing, than someone that isn't, so it's the "willing" ones that get chased.” ----- Chased isn’t quite the right term. Persecuted, hounded, and legally abused to the point of being forced to wear the label of ‘Dead-Beat Dad.’
As far as “…flying under the radar…” ----- My Ex actually suggested I give plasma to subsidize my income. She also suggested I due some work “on the side” – that she “would not say anything about” to help me be able to afford to live.
Given that the laws of the State of Minnesota (and the laws of many other States) force a non-custodial parent (typically the Father) to try and survive by living ‘under the radar’ – given that I cannot afford a place of my own – given that I cannot drive to see my children whenever I want to / need to – why should I feel any sympathy, or support you in any way when you sit there and say "Geez, I wish I had, or I dream about a big lump sum payment...” even though your kids are “well taken care, and even planning for college." If you had a clue as to the Gestapo persecution that the majority of non-custodial parents live with because of the laws that have been created due to the actions of an extremely rare few truly Dead-Beat parents --- you might count your blessings.
Can you honestly say that money supposedly owed you has not (even in some little way) entered into your conversation with your children, or your conversation with your children’s friend’s parent (then to your children’s friends – and then back to your own children)? If you care about your children, and the potential relationship your children could have with their ‘other’ parent; If you truly want to see your Ex do the right thing: Try voluntarily eliminating all non-public arrears (you can do that), and settle for a reasonable percentage going forward, and work with (instead of against) the other person that helped bring the child(ren) into this world – before it’s too late.
I say ‘too late’ because my oldest son was killed in a car accident earlier this year, along with two other young men. All three had been smoking marijuana. I had not seen him in two years – until he lay dead at the funeral home. Prior to him turning 18 – it was my Ex’s (warped) decision (supported by the Court) that he did not want to see me, and after he was 18, it was his decision not to see me (based upon the twisted attitude about me that his Mother imparted to him – documented by the way.)
~Legally Abused / Seeking a miracle
|
yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
|
|
Maury,
When a huge majority of judges and courts and legal systems tend to lean in a certain direction, an "overbroad" generalization is a CORRECT APPRAISAL OF THE SITUATION !!
Why do you think male vs female ROs are granted sight unseen ?
An example:
Oregon law required me to have specific legal language in my DA to show that I "voluntarily" pay alimony via a check in the mail to my ex...
Without this specific legal language the alimony is deducted from my paycheck. Same for CS. Since women rarely pay either, the specific exception isn't needed. Does that sound legally equal for each gender ?
--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
|
yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
|
|
Your solution is simple...Go OJ on her. Problem solved. At least for you two...
Maybe if enough men do this someone will see a problem ? I doubt it though, 'cause women are a helpless abused minority.
--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
