cumberobinson
newbie
Reged: 05/15/05
Posts: 27
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Husband wants a divorce after 19 years of marriage; we have four children 18, 16, 13, and 6 year olds. We live in SC. He works full-time and I am a SAHM, I do not want a divorce, but he wants one. Can he get a divorce with out cause? He is trying his best to find something on me, like accusing me of talking to someone on the phone while he is in the house, I have not been seeing any man and yet he accuses me of such thing. Can he use this to get a divorce? I think SC no fault law, is that we have to be separated for one year. On the other hand I can file, because he have cheated twice within our marriage but I do not want to.
I have been handling the finance, paying the bills and buying groceries, and letting him know it is okay for him to get gas for his car, to stay in our budget and not have the bank account overdrawn. Now he is threatening me that he will take over the finance and when ever the kids need something just contact him, well I am scared to death that he will not pay the bills properly, like in the past, I had to catch everything up, and if I need to get money from him he will have a negative attitude. He is playing on my emotions and is leaving me depressed. I need to be strong for my kids and to be able to go out and get a job, and keep it, without his negativity all the time, when he talks to me on the phone or comes by to see the kids. Any advice! He knows that this is hurting me and affecting me, but he has always use this strategy on my especially when I found out he was cheating, he blamed me for everything. Is there a website or helpful book that can help me gain confidence in myself again after 19 years of this abuse?
He says that he is moving on with his life, we were only separated two weeks now, and he says for me to go on with mine. It seems to me he already was involved with someone. Can he see someone else being that we are separated and it not count against him, when the Divorce starts?
Okay I have all the accounts for the bills; he says he needs a copy of them to give to his lawyer. Should I give them to him, is that my responsibility? I am very angry right now, I have put up with his mind games, and he has left me with no self-esteem. I am so afraid that I can not take care of my three children (younger age) with no income. I am trying to find a job now, which he knows this. He had agreed to let me get a job first, and then cut me off with the finance, now he has changed his mind. What does the law say about this? What steps should I take?
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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You're unemployed, contact Legal Aid. You should qualify for free legal services. Don't give him anything or speak to his lawyer until you're represented. Then your lawyer can answer these questions on what to hand over and what not. You might also want to research alimony laws in SC. Your ex may have absolutely no choice in providing you with anything. After 19 years, and you SAHM, you're likely to receive alimony, custody of the kids, child support, and part of the marital assets. He's probably trying to scare you into taking whatever you'll take.
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Char Fox
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cumberobinson
newbie
Reged: 05/15/05
Posts: 27
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I will be contacting Legal Aid on tomorrow. Yes! Every chance he can get he comes up with tactics and questions to why I will not give him what he ask for, he knows this is putting fear into me. I am doing my best to keep my head up and not let him get the best of me, but sometimes he keeps bringing the same thing up and pressuring me to give into his controlling ways, like I have always done. I am not about to do it anymore, so he is upset that he can't get over on me like he use to. This is why I am getting as much information that I can to no my rights.
If he has no grounds for Divorce, which I know he can get a Divorce. As SC law states below do we have to be separated for 1 year before he can get a Divorce or can he get a Divorce now? We have been separted for 19 days now.
LEGAL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE: No-Fault: Living separate and apart without cohabitation for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].
General: (1) Adultery; (2) alcoholism and/or drug addiction; (3) physical cruelty; and (4) willful desertion for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].
Thank you so much for your help.
Thank you so much for your help.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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I don't know. Is General listed under the Legal Grounds section in the code? If so, it looks as if General is a subsection listing the various reasons a no-fault divorce can be given. And if so, that means the 1 years rule of "no cohabitation" would apply with or without adultery.
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Char Fox
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cumberobinson
newbie
Reged: 05/15/05
Posts: 27
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The General listing is under the Legal Grounds section, here: [url=http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/southcarolina.shtml]web page[/url] . I'm not sure exactly what this means.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Ok, I looked it up elsewhere and it appears they consider each reason separately. You'll probably get better info on the SC laws at this site: http://www.scbar.org/pdf/public/divorce.pdf
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Char Fox
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cumberobinson
newbie
Reged: 05/15/05
Posts: 27
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I tried contacting Legal aid but were unsuccessful no one is answering phone. I did contact several female lawyers, one is asking for $5,000 retainer fee, another one $2,000 retainer fee, and another $875 retainer fee. I made an appointment to see the one for $875, I do not have the money so how do I get my husband to pay for this. He has already agreed to paying this, he says that he do not know when he will be able to come up with the money. He is the one wanting the Divorce. I just want to go a head and get this over with, so I can start to heal from this, he is constantly telling me things and trying to make my life more miserable.
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FlCowgirl2001
newbie
Reged: 05/24/05
Posts: 39
Loc: Florida
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If I were you I would draw up an agreement with him and have him sign it so that you have it written in black in white incase he tries to say he never said he would pay the lawyers bill. Make sure you DOCUMENT everything and try to sit down with him and come to an agreement on custody, visitation, etc before hiring lawyers and make sure you get it all in writing...because if you do not get it in writing than its your word against his and that paper will prove that he agreed to x,y,z!
I have gotten smarter since I file for divorce 2 yrs ago...he keeps stalling it for some reason.
If you need anything email me.
btw I once lived in the Carolina's so i know some of the laws...go to http://www.ncdivorce.com. They have a forum on that site where u may ask questions to a lawyer and they will answer you promptly! I found them to be of great help when I had questions about nclaw.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Don't rush. It's not like you will be divorced tomorrow. Keep trying Legal Aid. They may have been closed for lunch or a special day of some type.
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Char Fox
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cumberobinson
newbie
Reged: 05/15/05
Posts: 27
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Thanks!
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