krislea
newbie
Reged: 05/30/06
Posts: 44
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I am in need of advice. In order to get help I have to be honest with you good and bad. I had an anger problem due to past abuse in my life, depression and lack of appreciation. I was even at times verbally abusive. I have learned through our separtation much about how I am, what I want and don't want in life. What I do want is to be the good wife I was in the begining, to be loving and supportive, and to be with my husband. What I don't want is a divorce, to hurt him any more or to be the person I was at the time of separation. My husband and I still talk daily if I don't call him he calls me, he said he still wants to go out ocassionally because he enjoys my company, he has made love to me twice in the last month and he tells me he still cares for me and has even said the "L" word (LOVE). He is afraid that things will not change but I know they will. I have sought counseling and gotten back on my depression meds and estrogen to control the angry outbursts that caused him to ask me to leave. He has been out at bars, dancing with women and had several women's #s in his cell phone and talks to them. He was even seen by a family memeber kissing one girl at the bar. Still, I want my marriage to work. If I was what I was in the begining (my true nonangry self) I am everything he ever wanted or neeed. I am committed to make that change and continue counseling but now he is not sure if we can reconcile. He said the time alone is something he needs for himself. So how do I win him back without being pushy and running him off? How can I get my husband to give us another chance? I know he still cares, but he is confused because living with me wasn't always easy. I don't want us to be apart so long that he ends up turning to someone else or time driving us further away from each other. Can anyone give me any advice please? 
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8148
Loc: This Asylum --->
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You don't win a spouse back. You seek counseling if he/she is still willing and try to find a way to change things. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge unfortunately and it takes two to try.
All you can do is ask.
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I_am_Jack
member
Reged: 01/31/06
Posts: 184
Loc: Louisiana
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Amen to that, Maury. I want to try to work things out in MY marriage, but I still worry that there may have been too much damage to fix, despite the current improvement.
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Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8148
Loc: This Asylum --->
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That happens. It would be nice if there were an elixor to cure history and refresh trust. Alas, I know of none.
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I_am_Jack
member
Reged: 01/31/06
Posts: 184
Loc: Louisiana
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We're in a "Nintendo" culture, and I just want to press "reset." *sigh*
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Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras
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mommynurse
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/26/05
Posts: 4386
Loc: Indiana
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Let me know how that reset button works for you! I'd really like to go back to '97.
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Handed lemons? Find someone else who was handed Vodka and have a party--Ron White
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I_am_Jack
member
Reged: 01/31/06
Posts: 184
Loc: Louisiana
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When I find it, I'll let you know. I'm sure there is a website out there where you can get the instructions for where to find the perfect spouse or give the secret code that lets you start your life with a Ph.D in Finance and 1 million dollars or something.
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Never allow anyone to persuade you to do that which is not best for you. -Pythagoras
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mommynurse
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/26/05
Posts: 4386
Loc: Indiana
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I'm easy to please. He wouldn't have to be perfect or loaded. Just a little less irritating and gainfully employed would suffice!
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Handed lemons? Find someone else who was handed Vodka and have a party--Ron White
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