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sarah
journeyman
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Reged: 07/22/04
Posts: 62
Change of Custody?
      #1348 - 08/11/04 09:47 PM

4 months after their divorce was finalized, my husband's ex wife decided that she couldn't handle raising their two children and signed papers granting my husband primary physical residence of the kids. They were 3 and 5 at the time. She cited needing to go to school to better their futures as her motive for doing this. Come to find out, she was heavily into cocaine and couldn't handle getting up to care for the kids after her late nights partying (per her roommate).

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and a half and because my husband worked nights in the beginning, I actually had more "parenting time" with the kids than he did. I love and care for these children as my own.

During our "courtship" his ex was pretty good about maintaining a reliable visitation schedule. Then, slowly, there would be excuses as to why she "couldn't" take them on her weekends. Child support slacked off and eventually, she moved out of state and has only seen the kids for a total of 22 hours since before Christmas 2003. She also pretty much stopped paying child support.

A few months ago, after getting herself into a situation that she couldn't get herself out of, she emailed my husband and asked him if I would adopt the kids b/c she couldn't keep up with her child support...but, she wanted all of the same visitation rights (that she hasn't been exercising anyway). We just ignored the email and filed paperwork to take her to court for child support, trying to set a precendence of her irresponsibility.

A month or so after that, we went to court and she was found in contempt and a lien put on her for the over $10k in back support. Since then, despite threats from the judge and CSE, she has still been inconsistent with support and calls the kids twice or three times a week for a couple minutes per call. She recently married a Marine that she had known for 8 weeks and whom she met while working as a stripper....

Is any of this grounds to change the custody agreement from "shared parental responsibility" to full custody?


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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30985
Much ado about nothing... [Re: sarah]
      #1351 - 08/11/04 11:54 PM

Nothing will change except the words on the paper. She will still be inconsitent with visitation, and you will gain no more rights than you have now. I wouldn't waste the time or money on court.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
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Re: Change of Custody? [Re: sarah]
      #1365 - 08/12/04 01:14 PM

As GD says, it's only words on a piece of paper and doesn't change anything.

What gets me though, is that you want "full" custody and yet turned down the opportunity to adopt these children? So what if you set up some kind of "visitation" schedule for the children...it's not that big of a deal given her history. If she doesn't want to be "mom", the she can have the role of "aunt" maybe.

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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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sarah
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Reged: 07/22/04
Posts: 62
Re: Change of Custody? [Re: Gecko]
      #1370 - 08/12/04 02:21 PM

I want more than anything to adopt the kids and to have the agony of all of this to be over with....but, I don't really think she would agree to terminate her parental rights. I think it was her way of trying to get rid of her child support obligation.

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strong4myson
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Reged: 08/04/04
Posts: 57
Re: Change of Custody? [Re: sarah]
      #1375 - 08/12/04 03:43 PM

In my opinion I think you should make a move on this now. Despite the fact that she is not exercising her parental rights now does not mean she won't down the road and if the kids are in a set schedule this will mess them up. I'm sure she would do anything to get out of the CS payment but no matter what you do now it shouldn't change the amount she already owes unless your husband agrees to sign off on it.

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sarah
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Reged: 07/22/04
Posts: 62
Re: Change of Custody? [Re: sarah]
      #1383 - 08/12/04 08:43 PM

ok..well, here is another one for you...
Her driver's license has been suspended (due to the xhild support issue) and she supposedly is going to come down for a visit in a few weeks. Can we legally stop her from taking the kids anywhere if she shows up and wants to take them? I don't have a problem with her seeing them, but I feel it wouldn't be very beneficial to the kids if they watch their mother be arrested for driving with a suspended driver's license ansd end up at the sherriff's office until we can come pick them up!


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Gecko
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Re: Change of Custody? [Re: sarah]
      #1385 - 08/12/04 09:17 PM

Yes you can if she is the driver of the vehicle. If she is not the driver, you can't stop her.

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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
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Re: Change of Custody? [Re: sarah]
      #1386 - 08/12/04 09:27 PM

Terminating her parental rights will not keep her from having to pay child support...only you adopting the children will.

One thing that you could do to "sweeten the pot" so to speak would be to offer to "forgive" all her arrearages.

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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