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Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 78
Your Advice and Counsel needed
      #98063 - 04/06/06 11:13 AM

STBX left in Oct. 2005; citing not happy, didn't need me, but not worried because "they're men out there that will take care of me". Sought legal advise and had divorce papers drawn, secured a separate apartment, began investigation on finances (with her former lover no less who works for a public defenders office in another state), etc.

I uncovered her plan before she was able to file, obtained a lawyer and filed first. We are in the middle of this whole divorce process.

However, somewhere along the way, I have become the "Bad Guy"; kicking her out, doing her wrong, breaking up our family, and hurting our extended family, etc.

She has gotten her story out to anyone that will listen, to where friends and business associates are difficult to get in touch with and appear to avoid my calls.

She talks all the time to anyone, I talk when I have something to say.

Now, I'm the Bad Guy, and she is the helpless victim. I need to flip this script.

Any advice, please?

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
Re: Your Advice and Counsel needed [Re: BigEasy]
      #98167 - 04/06/06 02:23 PM

Unfortunately sometimes certain people are *always* the victims. Can't take responsibility for themselves or their own choices and actions.

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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
Re: Your Advice and Counsel needed [Re: BigEasy]
      #98204 - 04/06/06 03:21 PM

This is quite typical. She is probably having an affair and is now trying to blame you to deflect what she has done. She was probably thrilled when you filed first so that she could use that fact to become the victim.

As for how to deal with people thinking you were the jerk. I don't really know what to tell you. If someone wants to believe her they will. In time, most people will probably see the truth. I don't recommend running around trying to defend yourself unless someone actually asks. Usually these things come back and bite the jerk in the butt.

"You never really know a person until you divorce them."

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Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 155
Re: Your Advice and Counsel needed [Re: Tabitha]
      #99056 - 04/09/06 04:35 AM

I wouldn't worry about what other people think. those who know you, will know she is being dishonest. those who believe her are not worth your time of day or the energy wondering what it is they think of you. just move on, surround yourself with the people who care and support you.

live today like it's your last, for tomorrow may not come.

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Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 78
Re: Your Advice and Counsel needed [Re: spiritedone]
      #106119 - 04/27/06 03:45 PM

All great advice. My biggest area of concern; that which breaks my heart everyday is that she is spreading this propaganda to our son (15 y/o - 16 in another two months), and as a result it has been months since he and I have spoken. He doesn't know what he doesn't know; only what he is hearing. He's living with his Mother, hearing this nonsense, and blames me. At 15 the courts cannot/will not make him see or talk to me. So, I'm left to deal with not having my only son in my life. I know because of her deceit and lies over the years, all trust is gone, and this is the right things to do. But it's really hard emotionally and financially.

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recently joined

Reged: 10/02/06
Posts: 3
Loc: Tulare County, Ca
Going thru same thing in CA [Re: BigEasy]
      #152552 - 10/02/06 09:33 AM

Your situation sounds a lot like mine concerning the kids. Would rather talk thru private emails thru this site. My story is pretty unbelievable and I don't want a book made about it! LOL. Soon to be Ex-husband is absolutely "Rutheless" and invents terrible lies, half-thruths, etc. just to justify what he seems to be getting away with. Hope to hear from you soon, need to vent to someone in same boat. Bye

[email protected]

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