Rob75
recently joined
Reged: 08/18/04
Posts: 1
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My ex-wife and I divorced about 3 1/2 years ago in Oregon. Since that time she has moved 6 times (due mainly to unpaid rent) as a result our son (age 12) has had to switch schools 4 times and our daughter (age 8), once. Her average stay in one place is approximately 7 months, and I feel this latest move will once again result in the kids having to switch schools in the near future. This, coupled with the divorce, and the fact his mom is in a verbally abusive relationship with her female lover, has put a real strain on my son. He has gone from a happy-go-lucky boy to someone that gets angry very often and is extremely defensive and protective of his mother.
We have Joint Custody of the children, with the kids primarily living with her during the school year (Monday morning – Friday afternoon) and with me on the weekends (Friday night – Monday morning). We have a parenting plan in place and I provide child support for the months the children are in school – so far it has kept our legal matters to a minimum.
However, I am engaged to be married early next year and we have bought a house in a Portland Suburb that will ready to move in next month. I would like to swap her schedules and bring the children into what I feel is a more stable environment. They would have a home that they would most likely spend the rest of their childhood in, with the same friends, in the same school district and in a low crime area. My fiancée also has kids and our two families have bonded quite well over the past 2 ½ years and currently function well as a “family”.
I am going to “ask” her to swap custody roles, not ask for any child support, simply that they live and go to school where I can ensure a stable environment and future. Any advice for going about this or if she refuses, what my chances might be in an Oregon court to have custody changed.
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paiselyblue
recently joined
Reged: 08/17/04
Posts: 10
Loc: East
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If she says no at first. Ask her to think about it for a while...
In the meantime, I would gather as much information as necessary about the school your kids would be going to, crime rate, if you have any way of proving that the kids have been switched around a lot, find it and make copies of it.
The only reason the courts in most states change a custody order is if there is a significant change and/or the children's well-being is better off with you. If she is truly as unstable as she is and you are as stable as you say you are, I think you have a good chance.
I would consider some type of therapy for the kids also... if you can get a therapist (neutral 3rd party) to document the turmoil mom is causing in these kids' lives, that would be great too.
You're on the right track, thinking only of the kids and agreeing that they still need to see their mother, that looks REALLY good to the courts.
Keep us updated.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19807
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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I am going to “ask” her to swap custody roles, not ask for any child support, simply that they live and go to school where I can ensure a stable environment and future. Any advice for going about this or if she refuses, what my chances might be in an Oregon court to have custody changed.
---> When you approach her, be very sympathic about her "personal" problems and that how the switch is custody would not only benefit the children, but would also benefit her (getting back on her feet, etc, etc, etc) and include the no child support. DO not mention anything about your fiance, like how she will be there for the kids, blah, blah, blah.
Make sure you have a Parenting Plan to show her and have a calender showing her in color, all the "time" she would have with the kids (I have one available in Excel, PM me with your email addy and I'll send it to you). The "color" is important since people are naturally "visual".
As for your "chances"...that all depends on your attorney and what county you are in.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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