sfferguson
recently joined
Reged: 10/04/06
Posts: 12
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Well after a long week I finally have some sort of idea what is going on. After reviewing my husbands and I bank records and other things. I found out more than I ever wanted to know.
I guess his meeting girls online and what not has been going on way longer than I first thought.
I have spoken with someone from base we met a few days ago so she could talk to me. I told her what was going on and she ask me to get a few things from the county as she would like to have what they got.
She ask me if it would be ok for me her and my husband and his commander to have a meeting together. I spoke to both my lawyers and a few people from my county and they said no. I could meet with his commander and this lady but not him is what they advised me. So I don't know if my husband has asked for this meeting ahead of time or what who knows.
I'm finally glad to finally know what really has been going on with my husband behind my back. It's actually like this big weight has been lifted off my shoulders now finding out what is especially the truth now. I'm mad by what I have found out you know to lie to me about having three dying family members when the whole time what was really going on he was just taking all of our money and every paycheck of his for his extra activities he has going on.
Everything makes sense now and I'm upset about it but no way near heart broken. I honestly rather have something like this happen now when we have not been married all that long than years down the line.
The women from the base told me as far as his domestic violence charge that took place off of base he is on his own there is what she told me. I start my paperwork for divorce later today and I can't wait. I won't any longer be put in such of a debt by this person or have to put up with anymore of his crap. As far as all the other things he has done like [censored] into my cell phone account and other accounts I have online and went as far as taken things from me like the pawning of my wedding rings and a few other items. I'm so over all that I just want nothing to do with him what so ever now and just to move on with life.
Well now that I know what is going on I feel like why didn't I wake up a long time ago to this. I dunno sometimes I guess it just takes us awhile to see what is really going on. I'm not mad over the affair that has caused this as we did agree a long time ago we would see other people. Than later we talked everything out and decided to work on our marriage than I find out he never did stop and has had this gf for sometime now.
So I don't hate him for that in any respect. I am mad over what he has done to our bank account and how I have paid all the bills alone with no help from him over the summer to now and I having to pay all his over draft fees he had caused to our bank account.
He would use religion for an excuse for everything. One thing I do know religion is not an excuse to ruin your wife financially over his doings he had done behind my back. I will move on and now I know he will never be able to ever put his hands on me again or call me up and make threats or tell me I can't do this and that.
From June till now I seriously feel like he has done nothing but mentally drain me in every way possible. I just got to the point where enough is enough and I'm not staying with a person who acts this way and does things he should not. So I guess I will eat all this debt he has caused as I have no idea knowing what I know now how he would even pay it back. I'm going to try during the divorce to get him to but we shall see.
I almost got the joint bank account we have out of over draft just about paid off with no help from him. Everything that has went on I am for the most part done with any kind of dating or relationship for awhile as I have now got some serious trust issues with people I need to work through. I have only talked about on here a few thing's that has happened but to sum it all up.
I have lived through hell for months on months now because of my husband and after this experience with him I honestly never want to ever remarry.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Make sure you keep those bank records. He absolutely should reimburse you for every dime of CS you lost because of his spending black hole. Plus interest.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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sfferguson
recently joined
Reged: 10/04/06
Posts: 12
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o I will I have many compies of the bank records. I found out today from my lawyer I can not get a divorce unless my husband gets to thing's 1 from the military and a relief from stay because he filed for chapter 13. So that's just great.
Will today is payday and my husbands commander has not even made a determination of what my husband should pay me right now until the divroce is final. Which so screws me honestly as you read the bank stuff alone aint bad anout but even with me working how am I going to pay these bills when they already are way behind. So honestly I am not what so ever getting any help from the miltary at all. Which my lawyer does not understand he said something should have already have been inforced to at least give me something at this point to help me out sense he has done all this. Like I said my lawyer does not understand what is going on. He made a few calls and found out as me and my daughter being dependents of his he should still bound in someway for financial support. I contacted family advocacy back and she told me that was up to his commanger so ok now so I'm just even more screwed on this or what.
This is really taking it's toll on me the froud claim on my insurance policy. The money he has caused on my bank account. He has stolen in other words and now they are telling me well the women from the military is my lawyers have the prof of what caused this money mess I am stuck with because of another women but yet I am getting the impression there is nothing they will do "military"
My lawyer says this is not true under some article with the miltary he has to supply some sort of money at least once a month. He should be liable for this bank account issue under this article because of it was proven there was no dying family members like he claimed all this money issues was brought on by the him and the other women.
So I think right now I am even more confused as far as what on eath is going on here. Like I said I am just trying to divorce this guy so I am legally responsible for him in any means because he has done more than enough.
I found out with out that letter relief from state. I can't not get divorced from him or sue him over these money issues.
I feel like I honest to god do not have any rights this is so stupid I should be able to get a divorce from this guy and not be held up or responsible for anymore of his crap. I am so at my breaking point right now so I dunno what to do from here if my husband plays an even bigger jerk than he has already. and does not get that paperwork to my lawyer it's so un fair to me to have to stay married to someone because he filed chapter 13. This is such a joke this chapter 13 has nothing to do with me that was his not mine I didn't file.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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You need to call the inspector general and let them know that you are not being supported, you need to talk to JAG and ask the question, what is he legally responsible for paying you until the divorce is final. There is nothing anyone can do if the right people do not know. What service is he in, where is he stationed, etc. The all have a bearing on what should happen. They will not ignore you and they will insure he does what he is legally responsible to do. As far as the dead relatives, it may have been very unethical to you, but it may not have been illegal, unless he used it as a reason to take emergency leave or to secure funds for travel. The military may seem like they are not doign alot, but they won't take sides, just enforce the military as it is. As far as the banruptcy, I have no clue, but I can't see why that would stop you from filing. I have heard of divorces beign final and preperty settlements dragging on for years. But again, I have no clue, contact a lawyer, free consultations, etc. Good Luck
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sfferguson
recently joined
Reged: 10/04/06
Posts: 12
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He is stationed at Wright Pat in ohio and I have come to find out I am not the only military wife here dealing with issues as well. He is in the Air Force I found out about how I can't file for divorce unless my husband gets that paper work for my layer as my lawyer told me today.
As far as you saying "it may not have been illegal, unless he used it as a reason to take emergency leave or to secure" funds for travel
That's my point he did just that he took emergency leave for these supposed dying family members as well as even today I can't touch our bank account because of the over draft. This guy has cost thousands of dollars in issues here. In the meantime it's like uh I am supposed to do what here you know.
And you said "You need to call the inspector general and let them know that you are not being supported, you need to talk to JAG and ask the question, what is he legally responsible for paying you until the divorce is final".
The lady told me which my lawyer was like what? when I called and told him what she said, "the lady from air force family advocacy" on base told me to sum it up my husband does not have to do anything it's up to his commander what he thinks and so forth.
And this women told me it would not be a bad idea to drop the civil protection order against him and see if he would meet about getting a divorce.
uh no one I have talked to from both my lawyers and the county agree with that at all. This is how I feel ignored and it's like ok I don't know where I am at with this but as of right now my hands are tied.
We live off base he has been doing this for months off and on but still hello this guy can not drain my bank account into over draft steal stuff from me pawn my wedding rings and misuse my child support checks the way this guy did. and have himself another bank account where it's not in overdraft and he is getting his checks. and I can't do anything because I am stuck with this over draft and all our bills. From what I gather from family advocacy is as far as him living with me and everything and not paying anything and doing all this I have to sue him for all that back money.
But ok what about the "right now" My poor lawyer this man has been trying to see who is "head" of these people and take it from there.
I have a case worker trying to help me 2 counties 2 lawyers and nothing is getting done. People now are starting to get upset as well as myself.
My lawyer said a week from today if we don't get anywhere with this we need to start looking into other legal action. I don't know what that means but at this point I can only trust these people who have been trying so hard to help me I have never been in such of a stress mess in my life.
I can't even file for any assistance because I am still very much married I do not qual I already tried. So I am so stuck between a rock and a hard place it's not even funny.
So I guess I'm like the rest of the military wives around here who are kind of in the same boat I am some with children who has had no help from commander and family advocacy.
Honestly I am with alot of people on this why is this going on and why is something not being done about what is going on here down at Wright Pat.
I know my lawyer is going to be asking those questions here soon and I tried everything I can and when you get no help from anyone there your just screwed.
My electric bill is due and 3 joint bills me and my husband has is do on sat tomr and I guess I just go tell them sry I have no way to pay you and see if I can get maybe an extention to pay it late or something.
I don't care if I work 50 hours a week right now I can not catch up on all this. Because with where me and my husband lives everything was already past due anyhow because of all this the "dying family members".
I'm lucky enough I don't have cc debt or any kind of debt like that.
All I have is the debt from where we live and a few things me and my husband has together.
So I guess I have at this point no choice but to just pack me and my daughter up and go stay at a shelter or something until housing that I have applied for comes availible.
Just try to work more hours and try to pay off everything he has done.
I contacted the state of ohio he owes back taxes I gave them his work number so they can contact my husband there.
as far as the other bill collecters that are calling for him I just tell I don't know what to tell you here is his number good luck.
I honestly hope my husband is proud of himself over this to have money loaned to him from people we know and to use all his paychecks for 4 months and causing over drafts in are account. All because he has this so called "3 dying family members" The whole time he has been bar hoping and meeting girls online and so forth.
I'm just sick of this whole ordeal the girl is out right now but another military wife who was homeless with her child because of somewhat of the same boat I am in but dif she never got no where she never got one cent for her or their child. She was living in the domestic V shelter in the couty she moved last week but it took alot of people to help her out.
I'm not only mad about all this but my heart really goes out to some of these wives who are going through a nightmare because of their husbands here in ohio.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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I retired from the Army, so the AF is a little different, but I found that the requirements to support the family are the same:
http://www.e-publishing.af.mil/pubfiles/af/36/afi36-2906/afi36-2906.pdf
So unless this guy is awol he can be forced to support his family. If you have been to his commander, the Inspector General and to JAG and go not action, I only see one alternative. Call your congressman, the one from where you are registered to vote, this will put an unbelievable bug up their butt, they will jump all over themselves to get in complaince. Call him today, send him a letter, fax him now, get your story on his desk, they will have to reply within 24 hours (from when they receive it) as to why he is not supporting you. Civilian lawyers don't really do much in this case, they can get you a court order for support, which the chain of command is required to support, but as far as enforcing the AF support regulations, you have to do it through the military channels and if it doesn't work going up the chain, start at the top and let it come down. A letter to the CG, to the wing/squadron (or what they call AF units) every Commander in his chain, make the calls, send the letters. The Air Force wants you supported. They want the world to know that they take care of families. Don't stop until you get some response. The Air Force probably has no idea some POS CDR is playing games and will deal with him when they find out. Use the links to contact the people you need to contact:
http://www.house.gov/
http://www.senate.gov/
http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/
http://www.wpafb.af.mil/keyinfo.html
Email them, call them, fax them, sound off and see what happens. In the 21 years I was in, I never saw any faster action to right a wrong than when it was coming down from a congressional. Make the system work for you. Open a new account for your CS checks so he can't touch them, it is your support for your children, take action. I knwo it is painful and I wish I could do more, but I hope this helps a little.
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sfferguson
recently joined
Reged: 10/04/06
Posts: 12
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Thanks Redlegg actually you where a big help thank you I did follow up on the information you gave me:) I heard from my husband last night he told me he would get what I needed for me to get a divorce. Only if I get the charges on him dropped I was like no sry can't help you. Then he said he would pay back everything and do what I wanted with the divorce if I did get the charges dropped or reduced.
I just flat out told him I'm sry but I can't believe anything you say and you did it to yourself that's why your in trouble. Why would I jeopardize finally having something done about him. Regardless I will get my divorce somehow here before long.
Once again just like old times he flat out lies to me like he always does he said I love you and I want to make sure your ok what bills are due and so fourth I said why does it matter your not helping me what so ever every sense the "whole 3 dying family member thing" Then I ask him why would you even lie about something like that? He said well they are doing ok now.. Than he told me he would give me some money if he had it but don't because of court cost. Which is a big LIE as he has not even paid any court cost yet.
So I can't even trust him telling the truth on a simple little phone conversation so why would I look into having his DV charges lowered or whatever and then he would agree to do what I need from him for a divorce. I don't think so I am so so so done with this guy.
Then I ask him why are you making this difficult for me why are you telling people your getting deployed. He said he told his gf that to end the relationship. I said really thought she wasn't your gf he goes she's not then I said she says so then he says there is nothing wrong with me having friends. I told him yes this is true but there is something wrong with you having friends when you rip me off blind because of it.
I have written a letter to the inspector general and I hope by Tuesday morning it is in the office. Apparently I am not getting anywhere with my husband and his commander. I should not have to drop a civil protection order to better suit him that's not even cool there is a reason why I have one in the first place.
Secondly I should not have to be blackmailed by my husband to try my hardest to get the charges against him lowered or dropped for him to comply this is stupid. Then he ask if he could meet me tonight to talk about this. Will I am so to the point I am done talking to him. The whole time on the phone he was loud and accusing me of everything like this is all my fault. Like right I want to go meet you in a public place and listen to you for two hours why you do nothing but mentally put me down I don't think so.
Now that I think about it I really do believe he was recording are phone conversation I didn't think about it at the time as he kept saying at the time tell them I didn't do it. I just told him why would I tell them you didn't do anything when you really did. To better help you after all the crap you done to me and my daughter.
I just am beyond any kind of trust with this guy and honestly out of anyone I ever met in my life this person I trust less than anyone. So I'm tired of him blackmailing me and I told him on the phone I am not talking about the charges on you that's your deal. He said well the Air Force knows I didn't do it I said really I'm glad you think so.
Then I told him your flat out busted I pulled our bank records and it tells a story like you where every where else but where you said you where. I told him you where supposed to be visiting dying family members but the whole time according to bank records you where doing nothing but out having a good time. And i told him think you for costing me literally thousands of dollars and causing me to owe people because of you being like this.
See during the DV charges right before the threat he removed the fire arms from the home. Last night on the phone he told me he told his commander and who ever else he was talking about he did that because I was talking about taking myself out.
I just told him ok you have some serious issues and for one your not worth me taking myself out for the record and he can lie and say what ever he wants. But I'm just so past it you know like I said in all my other post I am just trying to divorce this guy and quick before he cost me any more money or I'm legally responsible for all his crap.
So as far as meeting him tonight no I'm not even going to call him back I don't have to put up with this anymore and I'm not going to. I don't care as long as I just get divorced from this guy already. I would be more than willing to eat the debt he caused and pay back people and all that stuff just to get rid of him already.
If anyone who is going through a divorce reads this or is thinking about one just know RUN while you can before things get to deep because the longer you wait to file for one the bigger the mess...
I rather do it while I'm 27 than when I'm 47 and with more kids thank god we didn't have kids together.
Edited by sfferguson (10/16/06 09:23 AM)
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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I am glad things are getting better for you, I hope it all works out for you.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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I have not started the process yet, but man, your X sounds exactly like mine except mine has a computer game addiction as well as spends any extra money there's ever been...and doesn't tell me & then I end up finding out when I can't even pay the bills. Good luck to you. I appreciate the advice on getting things going & don't wait...The ball will be rolling soon...I can't stand things anymore...going on too long.
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