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TMAN14
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Reged: 09/07/06
Posts: 22
Is it ok to remarry
      #162939 - 10/31/06 02:05 PM

I dont know how many christians there are here on these boards, in the bible Christ states not to remarry unless the person who you divorced dies or remarries. By reading this passage of scripture you wonder why the divorce rate for second marriages are around 70%, and I dont see myself remarrying again, I will probably date and that's it. I just got divorced last week. Anybody here aganist remarrying?

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rschiller
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Reged: 08/25/05
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Re: Is it ok to remarry [Re: TMAN14]
      #162947 - 10/31/06 02:22 PM

Oh my, I can't believe how close to home this one is.........

First of all, I have heard that Bible quote so many times it's unreal. I wanted my divorce and my X didn't. He told me time and again he would never remarry because in GOD'S eyes he would be a sinner, blah, blah, blah.......

He was remarried thirty days after the divorce was final and now his second marriage is super troubled, I mean badly.

On the otherhand, I guess it would be alright for me to remarry because he already remarried?????

Who knows!

You are fresh out of the gate with your divorce, and it's good you don't want to be remarried right now. BUT, I felt this way too and after five years, I am beginning to entertain the thought of dating and a relationship. NOT marriage mind you, but someone to hang with for now.

What is funny to me too.....It's obvious to many how miserable my X is in his marriage now. This is her third marriage and his second. Well, he told the kids about two weeks ago that, "He is a Christian, and even though he and his wife don't get along, he has moved into my son's room, and they don't talk, he will never divorce her because he is a Christian." Swear he told them that, and I can just hear him say it too........sounds just like him.

One thing, my X is the kind of "Christian" that has a beer in one hand, and a Bible in the other........

I am a devout believer in Jesus Christ as my saviour, I am a Christian too, but I believe that through Jesus sin is forgiven. I also believe that because my marriage was abusive, He showed me the only choice I had.

God will show you what he wants for you if you let Him.


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Tabitha
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Re: Is it ok to remarry [Re: rschiller]
      #162968 - 10/31/06 03:11 PM

Oh man, sorry, but one of my pet peeves (as a Christian myself) is the perception that if a Christian drinks beer/wine/etc. , he or she is a hypocrite. I understand that a non-Christian might have the wrong idea about what is and what is not a sin, but I don't think I've ever found it in the bible. It does say in the bible that drunkeness is a sin, but even Jesus drank wine.... and making wine from water was his first public miracle!

Now I've heard arguments that back then, the wine was really more like grape juice, so that made it okay. I say baloney! Then how exactly did people get drunk on it then?

As far as the original posted question, it says in Matthew 19:9 -" I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." The way I interpret that is that if your spouse is unfaithful and you divorce, you are released from your vow because your spouse has already broken it. I think Jesus was trying to teach us to move away from legalistic doctrine and move towards the doctrine of grace, mercy and righteousness.

--------------------
"You never really know a person until you divorce them."


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JennyLynn
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Re: Is it ok to remarry [Re: Tabitha]
      #162987 - 10/31/06 03:30 PM

Tabitha - I completely agree with you. I am Catholic, and have been a Christian my entire life. Even my priest enjoys an alcoholic beverage every now and then.

Everyone's a hypocrite when you get right down to it - whether you drink or not, smoke or not, curse or not, go to church or not - what the hell ever. To each his own. I'm a strong Christian, but I am nowhere near perfect, and screw anyone who wants to judge me for my sins, we are all guilty of sins.


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mtdew
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Reged: 07/08/06
Posts: 133
Re: Is it ok to remarry [Re: Tabitha]
      #162996 - 10/31/06 03:39 PM

A friend of mine recommended a book called Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible. I personally haven't read it because I'm just starting out in the divorce process and have bigger concerns right now.

However, the friend that recommended it is a devout Christian who was struggling with this issue. It is written by Jay Adams who is a retired pastor.

I don't know if you'll find it useful but thought I'd throw it out there. I, myself, plan to read it when the time comes.


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JennyLynn
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Re: Is it ok to remarry [Re: mtdew]
      #162997 - 10/31/06 03:40 PM

I know everyone interprets the Bible differently...but honestly I belive that being "unfaithful" can mean a lot of things - not just adultery. One can be "unfaithful" in many ways.

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Tabitha
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Everyone is a hypocrite [Re: JennyLynn]
      #162998 - 10/31/06 03:48 PM

Good point JennyLynn. Sometimes I'm afraid of telling people I'm a Christian because I am such a sinner and I don't want to be held up as an example of what a Christian should be. My pastor was just teaching last week on why God gave us the 10 Commandments - not to make up a bunch of rules to see if His children are willing to follow Him. Actually God gave us His Rules to protect us from the harm that consequently happens to us (and others) when we sin.

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JennyLynn
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Re: Everyone is a hypocrite [Re: Tabitha]
      #162999 - 10/31/06 03:51 PM

Tabitha - you know...I see it like this. Church is for the sinner, not the perfect. :) None of us are perfect. I do my fair share of sinning - everyone does. And everyone has their own view of what a "Christian" should be. I think Christians are held to a higher standard, but not always to our own doing. I could honestly care less about what people think of me - to an extent of course. I am a Christian and I do try my best to lead a good life - but I also try to set a good example of what a Christian is - not just someone who belives in Christ, but someone who is genuinely a good person and accepts people for who they are, not for who they should be if they were perfect.

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Karen1
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Loc: Ohio
Re: Everyone is a hypocrite [Re: JennyLynn]
      #163030 - 10/31/06 05:09 PM

I am a christian. I do not believe drinking alcohol is a sin... unless it is abused / over used.

On the divorce issue... my belief is that the person who does not want the divorce is forgiven for the divorce itself..... and the person who does has only to ask for forgiveness. Same with any sin.... you have to ask for forgiveness, but you do have to truly mean it.

I agree with Jenny as I also feel that one can be "unfaithful" to a spouse in many ways.

Karen

--------------------
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".


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rschiller
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Reged: 08/25/05
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Re: Everyone is a hypocrite [Re: Karen1]
      #163060 - 10/31/06 07:12 PM

Well, I was not saying that my X was a sinner because he drinks. Drinking in excess is a problem though. When you literally sit there with your self rightous beer in one hand and Bible in the other, spewing scripture when you know you abuse your wife(me at the time)...........I was trying to make an analogy to what my life was like. No where did I say drinking is a sin.

My X claimed he could never remarry because it would be a sin, then married thirty days after the divorce was final.

Sorry this thread got off track, I was trying to tell the original poster that his feelings may change with time as mine have, and my X's did right away.........Right now the poster is saying that he would never remarry. I felt that way too. I struggled with my religious beliefs for months, years before, during, and after my divorce. I counseled with my minister for hours. Finally, it came down to this....................I knew the Lord had forgiven me for leaving an abusive marriage, but it was myself I couldn't forgive. Once I forgave myself and my X for all he did, my feelings changed dramatically.

I am honestly sorry if anyone thought I was being rude with my comment about a beer in one hand and a Bible in the other. My X used the Bible and scripture against me, such as, submitting, being submissive, obeying, so on and so on........He now uses it extensively with the kids and I have had to spend hours with them trying to make them see that Jesus and God forgive. Basically to not live in fear of their father at his house, and their Father in heaven. It's hard to put here, and I am not really good at writing out things sometimes.

Edited by rschiller (10/31/06 07:19 PM)


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