Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
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Hi guys. Well, I called my hunky guy friend, but he had a hockey game..... so I tried two other not-quite-as-hunky guy friends and they couldn't go either! So, I su cked it up and went to ex's concert alone.
Our son LOVED seeing his dad play and sing on a big stage in front of hundreds of people. I really thought he would get bored and want to leave after 20 minutes, but he didn't. The band sounded great and he acknowledged us soon after we arrived. I thought it would be hard seeing my ex and OW together and all lovey-dovey, but I guess since they were basically working they didn't interact at all, you couldn't even tell they were married. At the break, my ex came over and said hi and took our son over to see his family - OW's daughter and parents just about 30 feet away. After about 10 minutes, I heard my son say he wanted to go back to mommy. That was nice because it was hard trying to keep a smile on my face - at least I had our Beagle with us to play with!
Anyway, it wasn't so bad. No encounters with OW and I was classy and dignified the whole time - plus, I was having a GREAT hair day! Ex didn't thank me for bringing our son, but then again, he seems to have forgotten all his manners since we split. He never even commented or said he was sorry for my loss when my mom died a couple months ago. Thank you, friends for listening!
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"You never really know a person until you divorce them."
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Lyn
journeyman
Reged: 06/04/05
Posts: 95
Loc: NJ
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Glad it worked out well for you...did your Beagle howl at the music? :grin: Lyn
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Glad you made the decsion to attend the concert. As with my experience at an event for future d i l recently that stbx and OW also attended, parents can do anything for their kids. I know it was not easy thing to do, least for me. We put on a happy face and conduct ourselves with dignity and best of all we survive it and feel good about ourselves for doing so.
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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mlh53
member
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 110
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Hi Tabitha,
Don't mean to rain on your parade as you handled the situation very well and should be proud of yourself. However, it strikes me as very sad that one of the few times your son gets to see his dad is through a performance where your X really doesn't have to truly interact, share, and/or spend one on one time with him. What was even sadder was your X introducing his very own flesh and blood son to "his family" i.e. OW, her kids, and her parents. Think of what a slap in the face it was. He must have felt like such an outsider. No wonder he wanted to come back and be with mommy. Some of these X's never cease to amaze me with their selfishness and thoughtlessness.
Again, sorry if my take on the situation isn't an upbeat one. But I had to put my two cents in as I feel so badly for your son.
Melanie
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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Good for you. I agree with Melanie, though, that it seemed like a "staged" get-together for father and son (no pun intended). He didn't have to really care for him—only show him off, and you were only a few feet away when son became uncomfortable so he didn't have to deal with it. It would be one thing if he had been seeing son and spending time with him on a regular basis, but this sounded as emotionally uninvolved as picking a contest winner out of the audience and giving him a backstage tour. You know what I mean?
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Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
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Hi everyone. Thanks for your input. Nancy and Melanie, you both hit on something that bugs me too. My ex spends about 4 hours a week with our son... he doesn't work, yet is never there when he is needed. In fact, just yesterday, my son was sick and I was really needed at the office. I called his father to see if he could come take care of him for at least a few hours, but he said he had an interview. (Yeah, right, then he'd actually have to PAY child support.)
It's like our son is just a trophy to show off. I actually get the feeling that the OW isn't that into kids. The last time my son spent the night there was about a month ago - first time in 3 months. You know what his father and OW did? They went out and left our son with his 15 year old stepsister. One time in 3 months and he couldn't be bothered to stay home and bathe and put his own son to bed! I know OW was real big on dumping her kids with her current husband (my ex is husband #5) so she could go play her gigs. Now that her youngest daughter is old enough, she can have a husband who is in the band with her I guess.
At the concert, when he came and got our son to take over to "his family" he was excited to see his stepsister - the person he actually spends time with. Sometimes I'll ask my son if XXXXX (OW) was there - and he almost always says, "WHO?" At least I guess that's better than a stepmother who comes in and wants to take over, but really - my son can hardly remember her name and she's been in his life for almost 4 years now!
Lastly, after talking to the ex yesterday and him saying he couldn't come watch our sick son, he called back and said, "Well I guess I won't be able to come get him for our visit tonight." Then he asked about sometime this weekend, maybe Saturday... I said, "Well, Sunday is Father's Day, I'm sure he'd enjoy seeing you then." I swear my ex was like, "Oh yeah! I forgot." If I hadn't reminded him, he would never have called - just exactly what happened last year.
Okay, that's enough criticizing my ex for now. Thanks for listening to me vent - I feel like I need to go take a shower now!
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"You never really know a person until you divorce them."
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