olypenk
recently joined
Reged: 11/14/05
Posts: 1
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Hi....I'm new to the site and happy to be here. My issue (currently)is a confused sense of sadness and anger. It seems to be stemming from the fact that my soon-to-be ex husband is in a long term relationship and seems to be very happy. We have been seperated for a year and a half. We are basically waiting to sign official divorce papers when our house sells in order to make the financial split a bit simpler. We were married for 24 years and I am the one who wanted to leave. It was a decision that I had contemplated for about five years prior. I don't regret my decision as I believe we are just two people on seperate paths and living together aside from raising kids was just too exhausting and hard. I should be celebrating this time in my life and the fact that I finally made a decision to discover my own path! Instead I find myself angry and sad that he has "replaced" me so quickly and easily and that I now see him making changes in his life with regard to this relationship (they've been together for 9 months). I can
t help but think that these changes may have been promissing had he made them in our marriage. These feelings are really confusing me! I would like to hear other experiences, especially from any "leavers" who have gone through this strange mix of emotions and bitterness.
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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I'm a leave-ee, not a leave-er, so I can't help you there. What I can say, other than "welcome", is - let go. Be happy for him. Breathe deep, and laugh at yourself. You weren't happy with him, he's found someone, big freakin deal - now he's her burden LOL!
You made a decision for you. Now, granted, you probably wish that things were moving right along for you too - and they will be - but first, FIRST, you have to let go. We don't have control over how fast life begins again. All we can do is DESERVE to be out there living, and loving again.
Don't be bitter. Smile - inside and outside - and that happiness will radiate right into the eyes of that kind and good looking man across the street, or down the bar, or in the next cubicle.
He hasn't replaced you. There's only one you. He's just moved on. You will too. Just takes time. And faith.
peace
- SF
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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If he's been with her 9 months, and you've been apart 1 1/2 years, doesn't seem he gave much healing time for himself. So she's probably catching him on the rebound, which could spell disaster for their relationship. Sometimes we need time for just us without the relationship.
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Char Fox
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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Yeah. Been there, done that. Still, had a wonderful Summer. Starting over 101.
Let yourself heal. Do the things YOU love to do, just for you, and work through the transition. Live well - it's the best thing you can do.
-SF
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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So...it seems like you weren't the only one who was ready to move on, maybe? It's great that he's making some changes in his life. Sometimes, it just takes the right "kick in the pants." He's not "replacing you," he's finding whatever he needs....maybe for the moment and maybe for longer. Who knows?
I also ended my marriage, so I get some of where you're coming from. My ex moved on...like lightening...lol. But really....rather than feeling like a scorned lover, I felt more like a disappointed mom. It took me a while to recognize that...and sometimes I still fall back into it....along the "What are you THINKING??" lines....but, thank God, he's not my problem any more.
I was a little slower to get back into the action, and had a share of "play mates," but I approached it with just that attitude....knowing that they weren't relationship material. Let me tell you....I found the real deal and have now been married for going on 3 years. Everything I was missing is here...so it does happen.
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PDoll
recently joined
Reged: 11/15/05
Posts: 1
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Olypenk  I joined this forum just because of your post.. I can totally relate to what you are saying.. I was dating this guy for a few years and in my heart of hearts, I knew he wasn't the one and yet I did like him but we had issues that I didn't want to have in a marriage.. Funny, we broke up and I felt a hugh relief until he started to date someone else.. Then I felt sand and angry.. I don't know why either.. I was the one who wanted out... Well, his relationship with this girl didn't work out so we ended up back together and are now married, heading for a seperation.. I'm afraid the same thing is going to happen all over again and I don't want it to.. I want to end this and not take it back.. So reading everyones answers here are helping me...
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OK123
recently joined
Reged: 12/07/06
Posts: 9
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you married him because you had invested time and energy and did not want to look at your investment as lost.
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