Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
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Is there a book for these people, the ones that say " I love you, but I am not in love with you"
At one month it hurts like crazy, it will hurt for awhile, the void is so big right now because its on your mind 24/7. I often thought about my part in the divorce, and I know it was there. I wish I had done some things differently, and obviously she wished I had of too, but it always takes two. I don't think you became this terrible person in the years you were married, but in time you will find, that it didn't work because of the both of you, you will figure out the things you want to change and you will. I have to tell you, week 1 was the cleanest house around. and the most researched shopping you could imagine. Comparing prices and looking for sales just to stretch my money. In time I was smiling again, doing other things and not thinking about it as much, three years later, I smile, I still don't date, that could be because I am butt ugly, but hey. I still have times when it hurts, it makes me wonder, but I don't think my life has been ruined, just changed and as with all things we can adapt to change. Time is the biggest helper.
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Dad1956
enthusiast
Reged: 09/16/06
Posts: 216
Loc: Madison, NJ
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Your words:
"it's allowed me to see that I don't want to spend 5 minutes let alone the rest of my life with a man that doesn't love me, want me and appreciate me for the beautiful person I am"
have helped me a great deal this morning. In my case it is a woman of course but I see through the pain to that truth right now.
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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Dad glad it helped, the other thing that has helped me in the beginning I said to a friend "How do I let go of him" and she said "You don't have to he lot go of you" those words are so true you can't hold onto something you don't have, continue to be good to your kids and yourself and let her live her life, hang in there
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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I understand and appreciate all of the help you guys have given. It does help to know that other people have gone through the same thing and are surviving. thisaintBB- that is almost the exact same thing that happened to me. What kind of excuse is "I love you" but I am not "in love with you". That has to be the most cowardly and painful excuse of all. Basically they are saying that you are a good person, just not good enough for them. Again, thanks for the help, and I am really glad I found this site.
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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foge
day by day I'm doing better I have set backs and I pick myself and go on, you will get better, are you staying busy, getting out with other adults, do you have children?
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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Luckily we don't have kids. I think that should have been a sign early on to me that this probably wouldn't work out. I have always wanted kids, but not with her. I loved her and she was my life, but I could never see myself having a family with her. I just assumed that maybe I really didn't want a family and would just be happy with her. I am trying to stay busy with work, but I travel alot and there is so much downtime where I sit alone by myself and think. I have run so many scenarios through my head in the past month that it is unbelievable. I have been getting out with my friends, but unfortunately we hit up a couple of bars and I basically just drink to forget everything. For awhile there it seemed like the only way I could get to sleep was to drink. Pretty sad. It is getting better, and posting here does help, but there are those two or three times a day when I just feel incredibly hopeless and alone.
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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I have not drink since this happened, figure I have enough problems staying focused without adding that to the mix, counseling is really helping me and I have read a ton of books
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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I tried counseling a last year, and I have not found anyone I am comfortable with. I like the book idea, I have plenty on my list I have always wanted to read. The more I read on this site, the more I realize that there is definately a "typical" process at least one person in the divorce goes through. Too bad there is no way to transfer the pain to my X.
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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Your "x's" pain will come later - it is called Karma.
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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Buckeye,
I totally agree with the Karma statement, and hopefully if the theory holds true I will be much better off in the future.
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