foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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So my stbx just left the divorce papers underneath my doormat while I was here. She then sent me a text message saying to check for them. Is that chicken or what? I can't believe that she wouldn't even have the courage to give me the papers in person after she made the decision to end it. I am very bitter right now.
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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welcome to my world, mine moved his stuff out while I was out of town over Thanksgiving, my counselor says it's not my job to figure out his choices just my job to be accountable for my reactions to his actions...hang in there!
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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My x SO sent me an e-mail to end our relationship the day after our third anniversary. Not the same as divorce papers, I know but I thought I was going to marry him. When I drove 200 miles to his house to pick up my stuff he wasn't home and answered his cell phone only to tell me he was not going to talk to me. He didn't understand when I copied a bunch of stuff about emotional and mental abuse and people with control issues off the internet and left it for him with a note calling him a "chicken sh!t control freak." Go figure.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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Chicken Sh!t control freak. Now that is funny. taBB the more I get to looking at my situation and talking it out with you guys, the more I am figuring out that I really am going to be better off after this is over. She really is immature, and I don't think she could handle me being successful. How crazy is that? The more I gave her, the more she resented me. Wow.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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The first time my ex-h and I separated, he said he was going out for a haircut. He was gone about an hour and then called home from a pay phone and said he wasn't coming back. They are worms, without backbones! They can't face what they are doing, so they take the cowardly ways out. The more you see the truth about the person you are mourning the loss of, the easier it starts to become.
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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I hear that. I always made excuses for why she acted the way she did, now that I don't have to it's nice. She was always a pain around my friends and co-workers, and I constantly had to baby her and make sure she was ok. She is very attractive though, and I think that I worried that I could never get anyone better. I know now that that should be the last thing on my mind. What was I thinking?
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Attractive is nice, but if they have nothing really underneath their physical beauty, they aren't very attractive in the end. You'll find you search out different personal qualities the next time around. Sure, it's good to have someone nice to look at, but if there is no depth, communication, common interests, moral fiber, kindness, consideration or honesty to back it up, what do you really have? Just a pretty face...that will hurt you all over again. I speak from experience on this one. The inner beauty is very, very important!
What's that Forrest Gump-ism? "Pretty is as pretty does..." It's so true!
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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It is true, but she does have some of those inner beauty qualities as well. She just didn't let many people see it. Maybe I was just blind to it. I really think that she needs to find herself, either through therapy or time, so that she can be happy. Unfortunately I couldn't help her with that, and now I need to move on. I couldn't agree more about seeking out other qualities next time though. When I am ready to date, I know that I have different priorities than I did the first time around.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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so you have the sniffles with a little hurt feelings - I didn't hear any mention of children, pension, property or pending litigations.....consider yourself fortunate for now maybe - it could have been worse.
next time, instead of thinking of pretty looks and boobies find a girl that you have something in common with.
..... the zipper can come later .....know what I mean.
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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"...instead of thinking of pretty looks and boobies find a girl that you have something in common with."
How do you know he does not have pretty looks and boobies?
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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She did want to get out, we don't have kids, so it did go pretty easy. The entire time we were married I really did love her for the person that I saw, not the outside everyone else did. I know it could've been much worse, but that doesn't make me hurt any less. I do have a questions now though, she had surgery two weeks before she left me. I just got the bill today. Should I ask her for her half or just pay it?
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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.... drinking again to stay warm?
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Why not send it to her and tell her to pay it? (In court you would likely have to divide it).
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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We already signed the divorce papers and are just waiting for it to be finalized. We settled everything outside of the court. I know that she will complain that she doesn't have any money if I ask her to pay for it. Plus it was for a D&C after she miscarried, so I feel partly responsible. for the cost.
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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split it
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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"next time, instead of thinking of pretty looks and boobies find a girl that you have something in common with.
..... the zipper can come later .....know what I mean."
Oh please...this is so not what he has been posting about. He's never even mentioned anything remotely close to that topic. Don't run off the new person, who is hurting, by making such comments. It wasn't about her looks, it is about loving her...
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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I second that
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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You never can be too sure ; )
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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Actually I laughed pretty hard at the boobies part.
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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You guys have no idea how much better I have been feeling the past couple of days, by the way. Just by having someplace to come and vent has helped so much. There is so much more to my situation that I can't really get into here, but I devoted my life to her happiness and now I realize that I was focused in the wrong direction the whole time.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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"Actually I laughed pretty hard at the boobies part."
That's good! Didn't want you run off by an off-handed comment...
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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astrogirl
journeyman
Reged: 10/11/06
Posts: 59
Loc: New York
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very good, Maury! LOL!
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Love as if you would live forever -- live as if you would die tomorrow.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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BTW.....I'm online most evenings. If you ever want to chat PM me and I'll give you my yahoo ID. I'm a pretty good listener.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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Debi,
Are you still on?
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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I need somebody to pm me.
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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I had a good evening but I am in a bad place now.
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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Really bad place.
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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doing better today???
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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Yeah, it was a really bad night. I talked with some of my STBX's friends, and they said she isn't reaching out to them either. They kept saying they couldn't understand why she is doing this, which didn't help me, it only confused me more. I ended up asking her for the money, which she agreed to, but I feel bad for it. I really don't want to cripple her finacially, but I found out she has taken a leave of absence from her job, and she only has the money I gave her in the settlement. It's not how I wanted it to be.
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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hang in there, sometimes letting people be responsible for their own actions is a hard thing but necessary!
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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I'm so sorry I wasn't on last night. I PM'd you my yahoo ID
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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I don't mean by any means to add fuel to the fire, but could she have someone else she is involved with? Her behavior seems to possibly suggest she is keeping her distant and possibly secrets from everyone.
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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I do think she is involved with someone else. I really think that she got on f ing MySpace and started talking to an old friend of hers. I think she started to get those butterfly feelings that you get at the beginning of a relationship, wanted to explore it, and obviously didn't think our marriage was important enough to work on.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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She'll likely find out the grass is not greener on the other side, but not until after she's torn her marriage apart. That seems to be a common theme here. It's very sad and they hurt so many people in their selfishness. Does this person possibly live out of the area and the reason for her leave of absence from work?
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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thisaintBB
enthusiast
Reged: 04/18/06
Posts: 244
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had a talk with my younger sister today VERY rarely do people understand that those butterflies can be found again in your marriage if you work at it and if you don't then they go away, my STBX still gave me butterflies when he kissed me, but I guess it wasn't a two way street, people take marriage so lightly and to me that is sad!
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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I know and understand...
Hugs,
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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foge33
newbie
Reged: 12/10/06
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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You both are exactly right. The guy I think she is seeing does live in her hometown, and that is where she is going. I still get excited thinking about her, and it kills me that she doesn't feel the same way.
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