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Simply_me
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Son being Insubordinate...Please help!
      #177346 - 12/14/06 11:05 AM

My son is 11 yrs old.......I am having problems with him being irresponsible and making bad choices. When I ask him to do things , I have to repeat myself several times before he does things, he forgets to do his daily chores unless i remind him and he just plain refuses to take responsiblity for anything, schoolwork, chores, stuff like that. I have spoken to him several times about these issues and he always says he will do better. Right now he is grounded to his room, with no priviledges for leaving the house for the bus stop and left the door wide open and unlocked. This has been an ongoing problem and i just dont understand why my son refuses to do what he is told....most of the things he is asked to do seem simple to me, and his step father is really getting fed up with the behavior.

Discipline I have used: Grounding, spanking, work detail. I dont know what else to use.

Does anyone have any advise on how to get my son to be good and do whats hes supposed to do?


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Buckeye
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: Simply_me]
      #177350 - 12/14/06 11:08 AM

How about instead of punishment - you use the reward system. If you do your chores and don't screw up, this weekend you get ______________________.

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Simply_me
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: Buckeye]
      #177353 - 12/14/06 11:13 AM

I did that....when he is good is is rewarded with being able to do just about whatever it is that he wants to do....play playstation....go to boyscouts on camping trips....pretty much whatever he asks for....but in the last month or so it seems that he just doesnt care....like there is nothing to motivate him.....
and from my point of view...as a parent ...i should be able to tell him to do something and expect that it be done without any arguement or bribing.


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Buckeye
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: Simply_me]
      #177378 - 12/14/06 11:48 AM

He's 11 years old - they have no "parent" brains at that time. Anything you tell them goes in one ear and out the other and doesn't even circulate around the brain for a second.

You talk to him and what he hears is blah, blah, blah, blah.

You will just have the make the rewards after 2 weeks of good behavior, etc.


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agui667
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: Buckeye]
      #177410 - 12/14/06 12:53 PM

Lack of motivation and the fact that he just doesn't care sounds like possible depression to me..I'm no expert, but a thought

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rocketgirl
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: agui667]
      #177475 - 12/14/06 03:43 PM

Sounds like an 11 year old to me....

--------------------
Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.


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Maury
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: rocketgirl]
      #177604 - 12/14/06 11:34 PM

Sounds like an 11 year old that has been through a divorce.

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Simply_me
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: Maury]
      #177651 - 12/15/06 05:47 AM

So everyone thinks this is just normal behavior and I shouldnt do anything about it.....or just keep him grounded till the behavior improves?

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rocketgirl
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: Maury]
      #177656 - 12/15/06 06:27 AM

Quote:

When I ask him to do things , I have to repeat myself several times before he does things, he forgets to do his daily chores unless i remind him and he just plain refuses to take responsiblity for anything, schoolwork, chores, stuff like that




It doesn't matter if the kid has been though a parent's divorce or not... this is typical pre-teen behaviour.

Simply_me... it will only get worse before it gets better. Sorry... it is just something that you have to work through. Set boundaries, if he crosses them, then there are consequences to pay. Maybe sitting down with him and letting him know what the consequences will be for certain infractions, writing up a contract and/or putting it on a wipe-off board so he has a visual will help.

Boys typically this age are up & down, hot and cold, nice and not so nice. If you think he's going to be a little robot and do as you say, when you say, how you say.. you've got a long road ahead of you.

--------------------
Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.


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Simply_me
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Re: Son being Insubordinate...Please help! [Re: rocketgirl]
      #177741 - 12/15/06 11:05 AM

Maybe so.....when i was a kid and you didnt do what you were told you got your butt whipped ....didnt take to many times of that for me to get my act together....and i never questioned my parents on anything...that was a big no no....so maybe thats why im confused as to why he is doing the things he is....also my 2 girls are the total opposite of him and maybe i just expect him to be like them.

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