ronnie47
recently joined
Reged: 12/28/06
Posts: 1
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Hi, everybody.
My name is Ronnie.
I am here to learn about divorce and to ask for support.
I have been married for 26 years and I have 2 sons, 18 and 20 years old. My 18 year old is severely handicapped. My 20 year old is just about to head off to college. I worked for 20+ years in IT, but I have been staying home to take care of my handicapped son and to support my stbx's career since 2002. Now my stbx wants to divorce me and run off with somebody else.
I don't know the first thing about divorce. My stbx seems to already have some knowledge of the process because they have been asking me questions like, Do you expect me to pay alimony, etc.
I still feel a lot of shock and pain. It is difficult for me to know what to do next. I guess that I have a lot of catching up to do.
Thank you.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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First off, how old are you? If you are into your 50's, you could conceivably receive alimony for life, as it wouldn't be feasible to re-enter the workforce at an older age. However, being that you did work until just 4 years ago, that may impact it somewhat. The severity of your son's disability may also factor into the judge's decision on this.
Your STBX may eventually get a wakeup call, a little late, and find the grass isn't always greener.
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Char Fox
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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Plus when STBX's honey finds out that he is going to have to more likely support you and his child, he may not look like such a good deal with less dollars in his pocket.
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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After 26 years you may well have a lot of joint marital assets. One of which is pension accounts. ANy earned during the marriage, as well as social security, are subject to being split.
My ex left after 30 years. One of the first things I did was to go to an attorney. We were trying to come to agreements on our own to save attorney fees. And I continued with that for 20 months before I filed for divorce.
The reason for the attorney was to find out what I was entitled to, among other things. You can't come to an agreement if you are not aware of your rights, IMO.
It is often too hard to fight an STBX on your own and thus some women (and men too) give up the fight and in the process lose assets they are entitled to. Please don't allow this to happen to you.
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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nance
recently joined
Reged: 01/11/07
Posts: 15
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Almost....I was reading the posts here and came across yours. I am at the beginning of a divorce myself and live in California. I've been to see a few high powered attorneys in San Francisco and they have all told me, even though I have been married for 28 years and am in my mid-fifties, that a judge could order me to get a job. I have not worked for the last 28 years outside the home. I was also told that in CA and elsewhere, the court system frowns upon lifetime support these days, and even though the unspoken rule in long term marriages is that you can receive alimony for half the length of the marriage, the tendency these days is to limit it to no longer than 5 years.
When I heard all this I was really upset. I thought that I would receive a generous amount of money for 14 years, but even if I do receive a good amount of money in alimony, and I decide not to take some menial job, they can deduct the amount of money that it is deemed I could make from any alimony I may receive. The whole system is awful I think.
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"When the seasons change, the snowman melts"
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Lawyers are people. They're not infalliable. Ask them if they've ever run across a case where someone your age, with your marriage length and amount of time out of work, has EVER been dismissed by the court with a scant amount of alimony and told to get a job. I'll bet they're only telling you what the "norm" is. And the norm may likely be a 30 to 40 yo woman who has been out of work 4 or 5 years and married about as long. Alimony isn't set in stone. It's up to the judge.
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Char Fox
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nance
recently joined
Reged: 01/11/07
Posts: 15
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almost...you are very right, and I hope in my case the judge looks at 28 years of marriage, me being out of the job market for over 27 years, my age and a lot of other things that apparently they take into consideration when considering alimony. You are also right about it being up to the judge. I guess I just have to wait and see, but like I said, the attorneys did not paint a very good picture for me.
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"When the seasons change, the snowman melts"
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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I hope in my case the judge looks at 28 years of marriage, me being out of the job market for over 27 years, my age and a lot of other things that apparently they take into consideration when considering alimony.
---> They'll also take into consideration that you have that graduate degree from BERKELEY (did I spell it right this time) and that you have a business.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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nance
recently joined
Reged: 01/11/07
Posts: 15
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I got that degree 37 years ago and never worked in the field, and.....I do not have a business.
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"When the seasons change, the snowman melts"
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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Oh wow...you sure were quick to bring up your fancy degree earlier but NOW it's squat? LOL
As for the business...the one you have selling chocolate.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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