Terry
recently joined
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 1
Loc: pa
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Even though I know I did the right thing, I still feel really bad. I left my marriage on June 11 after 19 1/2 years, my 16 yr. old daughter and I share a one bedroom apartment. My 17 yr. old son stayed with his father. The abuse started as soon as we were married and I kept hoping it would get better but it never did. In December he hit me for the last time and I told him to get help or I was leaving. When he wasn't punching the wall, throwing remote controls or telephones, calling me a bitch and cursing at me, shoving me up against the wall...he was a nice enough guy although he was incredibly lazy and only wanted to sleep in front of the tv when not at work. We fought constantly about things needing repair, he wouldn't let me call a repair man and never did the work himself. The floor by the backdoor was rotted, the bathtub leaked and needed replaced...the house was one hundred+ yrs. old and in really bad shape. We had too many problems to tell right now but the marriage was beyond repair. I had tried to kill myself twice, the second time I told the doctors about the abuse and I was given brochures for womens shelters. Of course no one suggested my husband get into therapy. After the suicide attempts I was in therapy for years and then one day I realized I'd be in therapy forever but the problem wasn't me it was HIM! So I left. But, I feel so lonely, scared, and sad. Because I'm disabled I'm only able to work parttime and when I get divorced I won't have health insurance except my medicare. I take very expensive medication that I will never be able to afford. My car is just about dead, I doubt it will last through the winter. I'm just so scared.
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Diane67
enthusiast
Reged: 08/14/04
Posts: 341
Loc: California
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You need to stay strong for you and your kids. You did the right thing by leaving. No one deserves to be abused.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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And you'll find it. If you're partially disabled, you should qualify for some types of assistance, especially with your medications. You really need to consider using a lawyer for your divorce too, if you're not already. A good lawyer should ask the court that your ex continue providing you with health insurance.
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Char Fox
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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(((((Terry)))))) It gets better. Really, it does. Stay here, read posts, ask questions, and be strong. We are all here for you. Blessings, Sue
(Congrats on getting out of there)
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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soontobedivorce
recently joined
Reged: 09/03/04
Posts: 8
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Sorry for what you are going through Terry, good luck and may God bless you...
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freeagain
recently joined
Reged: 09/24/04
Posts: 2
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Terry,
I can relate. Although fortunately there were no kids involved, I finally demanded that my ex-husband leave and never come back. He is bi-polar, and was very controlling and abusive. He left, for the LAST time, in July. I was ecstatic when I regained my freedom. And, since our marraige had been dead emotionally and legally for some time, I had met another man online. We have since met and are taking things very slowly and cautiously. I am delighted with my new relationship, but I am also depressed about the loss of my previous dreams. It has taken a couple of months for the full impact of the loss to hit me. It helped that I had someone to support me emotionally. but I know that these feelings have to be dealt with. I know they have nothing to do with my new romantic interest. It's just difficult learning to love ME again; and I know that loving someone else is not the answer. Therapy helps, but you have to be honest with yourself. And you have to love yourself enough to insist on a relationship that is not abusive!!! In other words, feeling badly is not enough of a reason to go back to that. I know because we had already tried that-BIG MISTAKE. It only gets worse. Hang in there, being alone is much better than being abused.
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TLL
recently joined
Reged: 10/04/04
Posts: 4
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You stated you were married to this man for 19+ years. When you decide to file for divorce, the 19+ years will get you spousal support along with any retirement he has paid into. Until the divorce is final, which can take anywhere from 6 months to sometimes years, he will have to keep you and the children on his medical/dental/vision benefits. I am sure you are scared because everything you have known and lived has changed. Change is always uncomfortable, but the best thing you ever did was leave this abusive man and show your children that you all deserve better. You can turn to your local women's shelter for assistance. They should be able to assist you with legal resources, child custody support, filing for divorce, obtaining a restraining order if needed, counseling services for yourself and your children, job placement or filing for aide due to your disability. If any reports with your local law enforcment agency exist,documenting his abuse, make sure to get copies. If any medical records exist documenting any of your injuries due to his abuse, get them. The more documentation you have the better. Like you, I recently left a 20+ year abusive relationship. The best advice I can give is to make sure you get into counseling. I found out after all the years of abuse I suffer from PTSD. One of the first things I did when I left my abuser is went to my family doctor and got a complete physical. You might want to consider doing the same. The most important thing you did was leave this man. You don't state what your disability is, but if it is medically documented and you have been working a part-time job the divorce courts will take your financial situation into consideration when deciding your spousal support. You might want to check your current credit status. If you haven't already, contact your creditors and inform them that you are estranged from your husband. Tell them that you have not been with him since June 11th, this might help prevent you from being held accountable for any of his incured debt during this time. It will also help you document your date of separation from him. As far as your car is concerned, your local shelter should be able to put you in contact with free public transportation or an auto shop that can help with low cost automobile repairs.
:)
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