Asil
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/05
Posts: 4
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I am seriously considering moving with my 6 yo back to California where I have a better, more consistant support system. What concerns me is I have established a wonderful set up here for my child. Great School and Camp. I have lived in Massachusetts all his life but his father and I cannot get along. I have tried. They adore each other but I cannot continue the fighting and struggle that is ongoing. I'm so worried that up rooting my son will be devestating to him. Please advise
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Then don't do it. If it's going to be hard on your son, don't do it. Besides that, he could legally block such a move. Some such moves have taken place and the court have, after the fact, ordered the child returned to the state. That would make it even harder on the both of you.
Instead, try instituting some boundaries. YOU don't have to get along with his dad. You don't even have to communicate with him if it's that difficult. Have all communications in the future be solely in writing. Have a third party there during pickups and dropoffs, or ask that the court order be modified that pickups and dropoffs take place at a neutral location. If your ex calls and starts in on you, explain to him the new rule of written communication due to your difficulties of the two of you getting along. If he continues, let him know you're ending the conversation, to send it in writing/email/whatever, and hang up the phone. If he starts at your front door, say the same and close the door. You have some power to stop the fighting and struggle.
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Char Fox
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Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
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Oh my God. I totally agree with Char. YOU said, "They adore each other but I cannot continue the fighting and struggle that is ongoing. I'm so worried that up rooting my son will be devestating to him."
Sorry if this comes off as angry, but how could you do that to your own child whom you love? YOU can't get along with your ex, so you're going to punish your child by removing his father from his everyday life? Let me tell you something, YOU picked the father, YOU need to figure out a way to get along. The truth is, you CAN get along, you just choose not to. I can only say that because I know from personal experience. It only took a few times of me smiling and politely saying, "I think it's best to not discuss this right now, please communicate through my lawyer." It's really not that hard. My ex was yelling and saying the most hateful and ugly things to me, but I kept calm, smiled and would not get pulled into an argument. I promise, it can be done. After saying that a few times, he stopped the ugliness. No fun when he got no reaction. You CAN get along, do it for your child.
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"You never really know a person until you divorce them."
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vcempreved
recently joined
Reged: 09/11/06
Posts: 2
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