melaniemiller
old hand
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 724
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This past weekend, we had agreed on altering the drop off and pick up times for the kids with BM. Instead of the normal drop off time of 5pm on Friday and 5pm pick up on Sunday, we agreed to drop off the kids around noon on Friday, right after the closing ceremonies of SonShine Camp (a day camp put on by our Catholic church). BM and H agreed on us picking up the kids around 1:30pm on Sunday so we could head out to San Francisco that day.
We dropped off the kids at 12:15pm on Friday, right after leaving the Catholic school. No problems with drop off and we told the kids we would see them around 1:30pm on Sunday. H stressed to BM that we would be heading out for SF upon picking them up, gave them clothing to wear for the drive, and that was that. When we came by to pick up the kids at 1:30pm, my stepson remarked that he was starving. He said they hadn't eaten since breakfast. I made a comment TO HIM, "you guys haven't eaten lunch yet?". To him, not to her. From the driveway, I hear this smartass remark, "Well, maybe you should have fed them lunch before you dropped them off on Friday".
My H looked at her, looked at me....I think he was waiting for me to make some comment back to her. I turned around and starting tightening the seatbelts on the kids. She continued to make a remark about how "I guess it would be too hard to feed them lunch before dropping them off at my house"....and..."after all, you guys make more money that I do; can't afford lunch?". Hmmmm...this coming from a woman who just flew her and the kids (at last minute) to Texas for a week long vacation, stayed in a $450 hotel room (I know this because I'm familiar with the place they stayed), and took the kids to SeaWorld (not cheap), Schlitterbahn (a waterpark that is also not cheap), and bought them new video games for the trip (again, not cheap). I don't care what she spends her money on, but when she starts to make remarks about how we make more money than her, I want to turn around and say, "that's why we are staying in a Quality Inn and you stayed in a Hyatt Regency Resort and Spa??".
Yeah, I know I'm being petty...LOL....I just don't like it when she is a smartass to me and my H about the kids, etc. I wasn't even talking to her when I mentioned the lunch thing; I was trying to clarify with my stepson whether he had eaten anything. He loves to get extra food out of anyone he can and I wanted to confirm whether they had actually eaten lunch or not. Apparently, they had a bowl of cereal around 9am and hadn't had anything since, not even a snack. I just needed to know so I could figure out what to do about lunch, snacks, etc. before we headed over the mountains.
And I remember her reaming us out because we allowed my stepson to go see Spiderman back when he was 7 with my stepdad. She was "horrified" that we allowed a kid that young to see such an inappropriate movie. Hmmm...guess what movie both my SD5 and SS8 just saw with their mom, aunt, and their aunt's stepsons (who are 11 and 13)? Batman Begins. First off, my skids have no interest in Batman so I know it wasn't their idea. Sure enough, my skids go on to tell my H and I that they wanted to see Sharkboy and LavaGirl but that their aunt's stepsons didn't want to see a "baby" movie and so they had to go see Batman Begins. What's wrong with standing up for your kids and saying, "Hey, why don't we all go to the theater together and then I'll take them to see Sharkboy, etc. and you guys can go see the Batman movie?".
Probably the same reason she can't stand up to her sister and tell her not to give the kids chicken, meat, fish, etc. BM tells the kids here at home that eating all of the above is bad for them and will kill them (yes, she's used those words). So how come they are allowed to eat all of that when they are away from her boyfriend? I guess I just have a problem with a mother letting her boyfriend run all over her and dictating what she can and can't do with her own kids. He ignores them anyways, except when he's yelling at them to "shut up" and "quit making so much noise". Why should he care if they eat a chicken breast or a piece of fish? He's not a vegetarian because of the moral aspect; that I would understand. I wouldn't expect a member of PETA to serve me a hamburger in their home.
My SS is catching on; he asked my H and I "how come mommy lets us eat chicken and hamburgers when we go on vacation with her but we can't eat it at home?". We aren't going to tell him that it's because her boyfriend is a controlling freak...LOL. So we hem and haw and come up with some lame excuse. It's only a matter of time before he figures it out on his own. He's even started questioning his mother about it and he said she just gets mad and tells him to be quiet and eat it.
Sorry this turned into such a rant....it's just getting harder to answer the kids' questions as they get older. I mean, it would be easy to answer questions if I could tell them the truth about their mom. But I can't so it's a bit harder to come up with an answer they'll accept, especially as they grow up.
Melanie =)
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My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.
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Dee78
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11820
Loc: TN
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I got the girls back on Father's Day at 6pm and they had only eaten one meal. They apparently made Daddy breakfast in bed but didn't eat breakfast. They ate lunch right after church and didn't have anything to eat after that. But this is a common occurence, except they usually eat breakfast and lunch, just not dinner. So I have to here the whole way home (over an hour) that they are hungry. If I happen to have money then I will sometimes get them a snack to satisfy them until we get home. I don't expect him to feed them dinner but he should offer them a snack, 12:30-7:30 is a long time to go without eating.
Honestly, I say screw what their mom (bf) says. It is your house and you should be able to feed them the way that you want to. They aren't practicing that religion so there is no reason for them to not eat it at your home. If they choose to not cook those foods and serve them, that's their business. I would bring up the conversation that your SS had with you and tell her that based on that conversation you will begin serving them whatever foods you are eating.
BTW, do you have joint legal/decision making? For instance, I have sole decision making over education and medical issues but we have joint over religious upbringing and extracurricular activities. SO if it were ex and I in this situation, we would have to agree on them being SDA and practicing their beliefs. I believe if it were taken to court, the judge would tell us to do what we wish in our homes.
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melaniemiller
old hand
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 724
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Oh, trust me...we feed them what we eat. We are a big chicken eating family, as well as good steak quite frequently. We buy our beef from a local farmer here that doesn't use any growth hormones, antibiotics, etc. and hand cuts all his own beef. The more I hear about this country's beef industry, the more it scares me to eat commercially prepared meat. We explained to BM where we get our beef so she will stop telling the kids they are going to get Mad Cow and die. It's hard to hear your 5 year old SD tell you as you are eating a piece of steak, "Mommy says your brain is going to get rotten and you will die from eating that meat". Nice lady.
It's not my business what they eat over there, but I don't like hearing that we feed them crap and are harming their health. My SS gained almost 5 lbs while at his mom's for a week. Doesn't sound a whole lot, but when packed onto an 8 year old who already weighs 91lbs, it showed. His shorts didn't fit him....he couldn't button them. That's the result of sitting in front of his video games day in and day out, eating chips and drinking fruit juice. When at home, they have a snack drawer they are allowed to chose from...it contains yogurt, low fat string cheese sticks, carrots, grapes, edamame, cherries (when our tree in the backyard starts dropping them), and these whole grain bars made with cinammon, raisins, walnuts, etc. They don't drink fruit juice except for the juice box at lunch. For the rest of the day it's water, water, water. I should stop letting their mother's words bother me because I know they see a much healthier example here at home than over at her house. They know how to make healthy choices and they know it's okay to eat the occasional bag of chips or ice cream cone.
As for the joint legal thing, yes they share legal custody. It was never an issue until she moved into her boyfriend's house. Before that, she would tell us that "religion was for a**holes who couldn't think for themselves" and if my H wanted to continue taking the kids to church, he could do it on his own time. Then, shortly after moving in with her boyfriend, she told her son she couldn't take them trick or treating (as she had done years prior) because Halloween was for Satan worshippers and she didn't want him going. He cried and cried (he was 5 at the time) but she didn't budge. Then, she told my H that she was "becoming SDA". Fine by us. We took the kids trick or treating and with the way mediation came out, it was agreed that from here on out, she will never have the kids for Halloween or Easter due to her "religion". She's told the kids that she goes to church every weekend and we've told her we don't mind if she brings them to her service. She's yet to take them, as she's yet to go herself.
She lies constantly to her kids and it's catching up to her. You can't tell your kids that "Daddy didn't call you because he forgot about you" and not expect they will find out the truth later. We get tired of hearing that kind of stuff. I don't condone lying to your kids...they find out sooner or later and hold it against you. It's already started affecting my SS. He's been trying to get closer to me and has started saying unpleasant things about his mother, which I then have to counter with something good. She's turning him against her and it's going to have a profound impact on their relationship, which will then have a negative impact on his future relationships, including the one he has with himself. I get so darn frustrated...if I can put aside my feelings for her in lieu of the kids' feelings, why on earth can't she, as their mother, do the same??? I guess that's the part I just can't fathom. I'm not a bio-mom, but aren't ya'll supposed to try and do what's best for your kids, no matter how much it may hurt you?
They share joint legal and it's never really been a problem. She's even attended some of SS's religious ceremonies (and asked the kids not to tell her BF). If we chose to put the kids into Catholic school, she wouldn't care....as long as we didn't ask her to pay for any of it.
The $$ thing has just gotten out of control. They are obviously not hurting for money, yet we get to listen to her whine about how broke they are all the time. Her BF's even written my H a letter about how he's "in the red due to providing for ****** and her kids". He stated that "he's overdrawn on several accounts and most of his credit cards are at their limit". Hmmmm....and yet he just bought a $500,000 piece of property to open a restaurant, spent several thousand dollars to send the kids and their mother to Texas for a week, has not one, not two, but three saltwater aquariums (anyone who knows anything about these knows how expensive they are to clean, feed, and keep running), just bought his folks a Mercedes (albeit a 2003), and this week, they left for another cruise to Alaska.
Yep, boy....don't we all wish we could be that broke? Again, who cares WHAT he does with his money...just don't coming crying to us that $300 a month in CS is killing you and causing you to be broke (we get to hear this ALL the time from BM). Broke is when you have to call your car finance company and get a waiver to pay this month's payment because you don't have the money. Broke is when you can't buy your birth control because you don't have the $40. Broke is when you have to borrow money from your FIL, who's been out of work since November because of his leukemia. It STINKS being broke and we've been there. We don't take expensive vacations, buy expensive items, or anything else these people have done. That $300 a month covers the kids' food and maybe some clothing. It's certainly not making us rich, as BM seems to think. When I hear comments like "you make MORE money than we do AND I have to pay YOU money each month"....well, for one, I want to turn around and smack her, but I also want to say, "Then why don't you go get a damn job". But I hold my stinkin' tongue and walk away.
Again, sorry this turned into a novel...I guess stuff's been bothering more than I've been letting on. I have been trying not to complain about it much, especially to my H because I know he gets tired of it.
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My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.
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mommynurse
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/26/05
Posts: 4386
Loc: Indiana
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Girl, rant away. I don't know about you, but it really helps me bite my tongue when I'm talking to the kids when I can come here and clear my mind. It's therapeutic! You don't know how many times when I get the "mommy does it this way" story that I want to scream...your mother is a useless, welfare-collecting (a system lifer), gutter slut that has 4 kids with 4 different daddies. Do you, for one minute, think I'm going to change my ways to mirror hers? Not happening! But, alas, I simply smile and say that I have my ways and mommy has hers. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if all mommies did things exactly the same way?
But, I have to admit, taking the high road is really wearing on my nerves. Five years and there doesn't appear to be an end in sight....
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Handed lemons? Find someone else who was handed Vodka and have a party--Ron White
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