almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
A lot of these people who "don't know what they're talking about" have been through this or much worse but did NOT continue having children knowing that they were ultimately going to divorce or knowing that they'd be brought up in a violent home. So NOW who's doing the judging?
--------------------
Char Fox
|
kemahapalew
journeyman
Reged: 02/03/07
Posts: 65
|
|
When I came on this site I did not ask to be judged...who are you to judge me when you have no idea who I am as a person? Like I said before you don't understand the dynamics of a relationship or for that matter a person..only what is told to you. The violence has never been in front of my children and has happened 3 times in our marriage. It hasn't been Beating issues or anything that severe...just enough that I won't deal with that crap from anyone. He's been gone for 3 1/2 years on and off. The abuse that i'm struggling with is the emotional abuse and the psychological which has never been the immauturity of calling eachother names in front of people or the kids..this has never been towards these children, they're in the dark because I've protected them. I am not an abused woman in the way that I just sit back and take it. There are so many women out there who are in much worse situations because their self-esteem is next to nothing. All situations are at different degress and it depends on the individual and what and how much they will tolerate. Again..you don't understand the dynamics..you only assume you know what you're talking about. I am not making excuses..i am trying to show the true dynamics although impossible.
You have made mistakes...guaranteed...why don't you become vulnerable and tell us what you've done that will allow others to judge you? Or Almostheaven..are you perfect. I love my children and regardless of if I had hopes that my husband would get the help he needed because there was hope there..a lot of hope, my children are well-adjusted happy children because I am there for them for everything. Which is more then alot of parents out there, struggling with much deeper issues then me. I don't have issues like an alcoholic, and I didn't come from an abusive family. I've never taken a drug in my life and I was never molested as a child. I don't struggle with deep issues..i just made a mistake with the person I chose out of loving him.I have made my mistakes in my life as everyone..but I will not consider my fifth child a mistake..only an insensitive, desencitized person like you would do that. And yes that is what I see..change your name "almostheaven" to "almosthell" because that's the kind of person you come acrossed as. A demon. You're advice was worthless and full of pompous all-knowing crap. You get your jollies venting to people you don't even know to bring them down as low as you. Get help..you need desperate counceling. There...there's my five minutes of lowering myself to be like you.
Edited by kemahapalew (02/12/07 08:51 AM)
|
kemahapalew
journeyman
Reged: 02/03/07
Posts: 65
|
|
Thank you so much "overcoming evil"...you're the type of person that this world needs more of. Your words to me is exactly the type of advice and comforting I needed. You're a good person..a deeply good person. I did lower myself to address almostheaven because although knowing how wrong she is and how ignorant I can't help but feel like I want to just crawl in a hole when I read the words that all these people wrote to and about me. I guess the defensive side comes out. I would never purposely bring someone else down like that, someone asking for help. I definently felt attacked from the beginning. It actually made me cry and have to call my sister bawling because of the cruelty. She brought me back up though. Then I didnt' want to even come back to this site..I wrote a couple of encouraging things to other people and yesterday came back to this only to read your comment which brought me to tears in a different way...You made such a difference to me. Thank you so much...that's all I can say. You're an inspiration.
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Hon, you'd already lowered yourself when you kept having kids with a man you admit has been abusive your entire marriage. You've further lowered yourself by not actually "listening" to what's been said. And your "buddy" here lowered herself by judging people when throwing a fit because of the judgments they were passing, then you chimed back in to do the same and reafirm how low you can take things. The only judgment anyone has given here was that you SHOULD have stopped having kids after you knew he was abusive. But you didn't. That's past. So when people went on to give you advice on how to work with the mess that's already created, you chose to ignore it. Then your little buddy comes in and starts passing her own judgment that none of us must know anything about living with abuse. Wrong judgment to say the least.
I HAVE been judged on what I post on boards many times. Hell, I've been judged on looks from my pictures. But ya know, I just don't put the energy into defending my looks that you seem to want to place on defending why you kept having kids. Either take the advice given for the mess that's already created or don't. Your call. Or...keep defending your past choices to a bunch of strangers and ignore the advice within all this and muddle through it as you were before asking here. Again, all your call.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
kemahapalew
journeyman
Reged: 02/03/07
Posts: 65
|
|
I am not defending having children to an old woman as yourself. My two oldest daughters are from a previous marriage. A good marriage that unforutnately ended out of immaturity..another of my mistakes.
My oldest little boy (5) I became pregnant with shortly after marrying because he had no children and both of us being in our thirties wanted more children. With my second son I was nursing full-time and on a low dose of a pill because of nursing. My son was 4 months old when I became pregnant with my second which was the biggest shock of our lives. My daughters were 9 and 14. This baby ( 4 1/2 years later) was not planned. Here...let me tell you the gory details of my sex life since you seem to have all your crap together. I was getting ready to change my birth control to depro provera with my appointment that was supposed to be on sept. 21 but I changed it because i had started my period, he was was scared to death to get a vasectomy and I was having problems with the pill I was on. We were using condoms..and the one time that we had sex during the week that he was home his condom broke and neither of us thought anything of it. Surprise, suprise...maybe I should have had an abortion Miss all-knowing? I love this baby (another boy) and I willnot have an old woman like yourself (I saw your pic as well)tell me that my children were a mistake. You didn't give me advice..how do you give an adult advice by telling them to stop having children???? Are you that ridiculous??
Edited by kemahapalew (02/12/07 09:06 AM)
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
LOL You're still at it I see. Hon, this "old woman" has a 16 mo. old son. I'm sooooo decrepit. Just call me grandma. Want I should push my glasses down on my nose and stoop over to add to the illusion? ;)
And see, you AGAIN discounted the advice you got because you can't see past your nose to spite your face. Here, I know it's hard to read when all you can see is red because you have anger issues, but I'll repost it:
"If you can get the counselor to testify or provide a written statement, it will help you in the custody battle. But you need to file for divorce then work on finding a job. Stop letting him tell you it's not worth it. You'll be divorcing him, it will DEFINATELY be worth it, be necessary, and if you let him talk you down again, you'll only be giving into his control again and hurting yourself and kids even more. You may or may not get any alimony, but as I told the poster below, getting it court ordered doesn't mean he'll actually PAY it. So you may find yourself in a very hard financial position that only you can pull yourself, and your kids, out of."
--------------------
Char Fox
|
kemahapalew
journeyman
Reged: 02/03/07
Posts: 65
|
|
By the way almostheaven, the lady that wrote her sweet comment to me was only judging your actions...not you. YOu judged me as a person..someone asking for help. Do you honestly believe that someone asking for help wants that from complete strangers? Asking for advice or how to deal with a situation is a far cry then asking someone.."what did I do wrong"..And as far as all of you being through this before?? Please..circumstances are completely different from one to the next. Some of you have had it worse and some have had far less then me. Don't give advice unless you plan to know what you're tlaking about. Everything you told me were things that anyone would know..you gave me nothing but a bunch of crap.
I would love to know what you do for a living. I can only imagine the kind of person you are outside of this site. I bet you're alone aren't you?
I do have the right to make assumptions about you right??
|
kemahapalew
journeyman
Reged: 02/03/07
Posts: 65
|
|
AGain...don't assume you know a situation..I don't have a cusody battle going on..my husband will not fight me for custody. Comparing my situation with yours??
You're picture made you look very old..sorry.
Edited by kemahapalew (02/12/07 09:22 AM)
|
kemahapalew
journeyman
Reged: 02/03/07
Posts: 65
|
|
Wow...so you have a baby and you have the nerve to judge me knowing what it is to love your child???? My husband told me to have an abortion..could you have done it?? Could you? Yes..i have anger issues at this point because you came back to this site with a vengeance towards a good person who was truly giving advice because someone needed it not because she felt the need to cut someone down as you and others have.
|
kemahapalew
journeyman
Reged: 02/03/07
Posts: 65
|
|
Isn't it funny your coming back at me and defneding yourself to a complete stranger because I have the wrong idea of who you are. Why would you feel that need unless it really bothered you.
--"If you can get the counselor to testify or provide a written statement, it will help you in the custody battle. But you need to file for divorce then work on finding a job. Stop letting him tell you it's not worth it. You'll be divorcing him, it will DEFINATELY be worth it, be necessary, and if you let him talk you down again, you'll only be giving into his control again and hurting yourself and kids even more. You may or may not get any alimony, but as I told the poster below, getting it court ordered doesn't mean he'll actually PAY it. So you may find yourself in a very hard financial position that only you can pull yourself, and your kids, out of." ---
Who said anything about a custody battle..were you really reading what I wrote or was it more that you stopped when you saw that I was pregnant..that just pi##** you off and you had to put in your two cents.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
[Re: 
Edit
Reply
Quote
