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ingearito
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Reged: 02/12/07
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Supporting someone who's saving their marriage-
      #198518 - 02/12/07 04:10 PM

Sorry if this is a little OT - please redirect if necessary.

A relative of mine is going through some rough marital times. We have not been close since his marriage since, to be honest, I do not like the spouse but figured that my dislikes had nothing to do with their choice. I have also deliberately stayed away from any mention of the marital issues because I'm afraid my personal dislikes would make me biased.

However, I would like this relative to know that they can turn to me for support if they need someplace to stay or emotional support that doesn't require unbiased advice (e.g. finding a counsellor, transport, doing something new together).

How can I offer support, and what kinds of support would mean most to someone at this particular time? Would it seem uninterested and hurtful to give a noncommital answer to questions and vents because I don't trust myself to be impartial?


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Curmudgeon
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Re: Supporting someone who's saving their marriage- [Re: ingearito]
      #198521 - 02/12/07 04:21 PM

Early on in my divorce 12 years ago a work associate who'd been through one told me to find someone I trusted who I could talk to. I took the advice and began to confide in a woman I admired and respected from work who had also been through a divorce and was easy to talk to.

That woman I confided in and I have now been married for 10 years.

Your relative needs a friendly ear and it doesn't necessarily have to be unbiased so long as you remember that there are three sides to every divorce, his, hers and the truth that usually lies somewhere in the middle.


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ingearito
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Re:Supporting someone who's saving their marriage- [Re: Curmudgeon]
      #198549 - 02/12/07 05:11 PM

Thanks Curmudgeon - what I'm worried about is that they are still working on their marriage, and I don't want to 'jinx' it...

PS - for someone named curmudgeon, you're not very curmudgeon-ly (j/k)


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Curmudgeon
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Re:Supporting someone who's saving their marriage- [Re: ingearito]
      #198579 - 02/12/07 06:08 PM

Oh, I have my moments! ;o)

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